Our Kind of Weird
by Frodo the Second
Summary: Who am I? I'm what many a grown-up would call a "gifted young man". I have a knack for planning, assembling, and constructing. I have a platypus who means the world to me, and a stepbrother who means everything to me. My name is Ferb Fletcher. This is my story. I don't talk much, but ask me if I've been keeping secrets, and I'll probably lie.
1. A Brilliant Trick

**Forward**

**Hiya, everybody! Here is my first multi-chapter fanfics to go on here (EXCITED!)! It's based off a series of PnF games I played with my two younger siblings (the original title of it was "Meentown"), so it's pretty random, but I stitched it all together in a way that will make sense, warm your heart, and keep you on the edge of your seat. And we're very proud of it! :D Hehehe! I appreciate constructive criticism, but I'm not trying to impress anyone with this fic: I wrote it solely for the enjoyment of my family and me, and to preserve the great memories I've shared with my little brother and sis.**

**BUT that doesn't mean I don't want to hear what you think: reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**

**Storyline (no spoilers): Once, Phineas asked, "Anyone else around here leading a bizarre double life?" and Ferb raised his hand. On the run from a nameless and dangerous organization, Ferb makes a hasty decision in order to protect Vanessa, plunging his family into confusion and unintentionally dragging them into the mix. Multiple points of view (or POV's).**  
**So anyway, I'm really excited to finally post this! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**  
**Note: Story is already complete. All I need to do is keep adding more chapters. ^_^ Also, there will be links to any and all songs featured in the story. Enjoy! ~~~**

**~0~**

My life is, in a word, weird. It started out weird, and then it got weirder. Not the "seeing your teacher at the grocery store" sort of weird, nor the "awkward crickets in the background" kind of weird either. No, my life is in its own league of weird. It's the "aren't you a little young to lead a bizarre double life?" sort of weird. It's the "I just found out that my pet is a secret agent" weird. It's the "I ran away to rescue the Goth daughter of an evil scientist who's two years older than me" weird. I guess you could cover all of that by simply saying it's the "my life" kind of weird. I would not necessarily define myself to be in likeness of it, but I am, fortunately, well-suited for it.

Who am I? I'm what many a grown-up would call a "gifted young man". I have a knack for planning, assembling, and constructing. I have a platypus who means the world to me, and a stepbrother who means everything to me. My name is Ferb Fletcher. This is my story. I don't talk much, but ask me if I've been keeping secrets, and I'll probably lie.

It all started with a trick. A brilliant trick. An ingenious trick. A trick that I still, to this day, can't believe I went along with.

Question: How do you keep something as big as a crush secret from a brother who has X-ray glasses?

Answer: you don't even try.

But do you know what? I used to wish I had tried. You see, Phineas is my best friend. We share almost everything: a room, socks, food, germs—you name it. I don't like keeping secrets. So, when I started liking _her_, I thought, _"Well, why keep this from him?"_

The answer to that soon became apparent: because then I would become his next project. And I did.

Let me say before I tell you all about his chain of schemes that I did not want any part in them.

First, there was his plot to lure her into a park with me for a romantic stroll, which had nothing wrong with it in itself, except that she's allergic to bees, and there happened to be bees everywhere that day.

His next scheme was a little more involved. He would set up a reenactment of the Spiderman alley scene (you know, when a group of thugs surround Mary-Jane in an alley, and then Spiderman bravely rushes to the rescue and is rewarded with a kiss). But I didn't let him go through with that one for several reasons: I don't think she would be all too afraid of a mob of girl scouts, and I don't want her to think of me as some sort of hero when she was never in any real danger. When Phineas thought his plan through a little more, he came to the same conclusion.

Then he suggested the Ferris wheel, the play, the concert, the tower, the talk show, the labyrinth, the pumpkins, the herd of goats—he just drove me insane! And then I couldn't take it anymore. I finally agreed to let him try _one_ of his schemes in the hope that he would get past it and move on after that. I only hoped it would not cause Vanessa too much grief.

Yes, Vanessa is her name. She's really something. I didn't even like girls until I saw her at the Blueprints Emporium. Maybe Phineas had the right idea. I mean, how do you just forget someone as special as Vanessa? How do you get on with your life when your world has just been shaken by a wink and a smile? Knowing my feelings on the matter, Phineas really wracked his brain. He spent an entire day planning. And what he came up with was brilliant.

Vanessa needed a car. She was desperate for one. I didn't see her very often, but when I did, she usually made at least one dry remark about how her dad just wouldn't listen to her when she said she was responsible enough to have her own car. So Phineas and I designed the fastest, coolest car there ever was. It was a big, shining, black SUV like one of the ones you see the FBI driving around in those movies. I spent all morning testing the brakes, the airbags, the steering wheel, and other additional features which we included to make sure it was driver-friendly and safe.

It was perfect. It was done. Everything had been tested. We stood back to admire our work.

"Awesome," said Phineas, oozing with pride in our latest creation. "It's foolproof, don't you think?"

"Well, I actually, I…" I started, but as usual, he obliviously cut me off.

"Yeah, I think so too," he said with a smile. "If this doesn't do the trick, nothing will."

Somehow those words were not comforting to me.

"All right, Ferb," he said turning to me. "All we have to do is wait to hear from Irving, who, I will needlessly remind you, is staring at his live video feed of every street in the entire tri-state area for any sign of her." He raised the car's remote-control and sent the vehicle into the backyard, and then he bent over his tool box and began rummaging through the contents, doing a head-count of everything inside it.

Humming a merry little tune, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro skipped into our front yard and right up to Phineas. "Hey, Phineas!" she gushed. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Trying to get Vanessa to notice Ferb," Phineas answered casually. "Right now we're in stage two of our plan: waiting."

"You're trying to create romance again?" Isabella asked in a dreamy voice, clasping her hands together.

"Not exactly," Phineas said. He straightened and faced her. "We _are_ trying to get Vanessa to accept Ferb's cell phone number without appearing too obvious. We're giving her this car, and Ferb will tell her that if she has any problems, she can call him."

"How can you be sure she'll actually call him?" Isabella asked.

A sly grin spread across Phineas' lips. He held up the remote control. "Because a week from now, the engine will start making strange noises."

"I didn't know Ferb had a cell phone," said Isabella.

"Well, actually I—"

"He didn't until this morning," Phineas interrupted me again.

Isabella beamed. "You're amazing."

"I know," said Phineas. He smiled with satisfaction.

An upbeat tune started playing out of the blue. Phineas dug into his pocket and produced a phone with a case as red as his hair. He flipped it open and held it up to his ear. "Talk to me," he said like someone without a care in the world. He paused to listen. "Yeah? And? … Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeeaaahh… And? Oh, good! We'll, I'll tell you how it goes. Thanks, man! We owe you." He shut the phone. "That was Irving. Good news, Ferb. Vanessa just happens to be walking our way. Places!"

No one moved.

"Oh, right. We don't have places. Well, keep—Hey. I was so caught up in our plans I didn't notice that Perry is missing. Isabella, would you do the honors?"

Isabella grinned and nodded. "Certainly." She cleared her throat with a little _ahem_ and asked, "Hey, where's Perry?"

I don't know where Perry was at the time, but it was of little concern to me presently; especially when violin and flute began playing softly from no discernable music source and my darned brother started singing, boldly miming the lyrics in a conscious effort to push my buttons.

**[Song link:** watch?v=kCsFnN76oYU&hd=1 **]**

_"Every night in my dreams,_

_I see you,_

_I feel you._

_That is how I know you go on._

_Neear…_

_Faaar…_

_WherEEEEEEEEEEVer you arrrrre…_

_I belieeeve that the heart will—_Ow!"

I had him pinned to the ground with one arm twisted behind his back.

"All right! All right! I surrender!" he laughed.

Isabella just stood there with scarlet cheeks trying to get over the delightful shock of hearing Phineas sing the love theme from one of the most romantic movies in cinema history. But just when I expected her to break into a smile at seeing how silly the two of us looked rolling around in the grass like six-year-olds, her eyes skirted beyond me and widened in surprise, and suddenly I felt ashamed of my childish behaviour. I leapt to my feet in an instant, and sure enough, _she_ was standing there in the same all-black clothing, with a hand on her hip and the faintest remnants of a smirk. Her dark-chocolate-colored hair flickered about her face gracefully in the wind. Visions of roses, orchids, lilies, and daisies swirled all around her, and that same mellow love theme that usually accompanies my seeing her began to play from out of nowhere.

"Hey, Vanessa!" Phineas greeted cheerfully, climbing to his feet.

Vanessa nodded shortly at my brother before looking at me, her brows heightened in surprise. "Ferb."

_She said my name!_ Of course, that was probably because she didn't know very well the names of anyone else there.

"You guys live here?"

Phineas nodded. "Yeah. And we've been waiting for you."

"You have?"

My brother smiled darkly and tapped all of his fingertips together. "Yes. Yes, we have. Ferb?"

I walked up to her and jerked my head in the direction of the backyard. Then, I gestured for her to bend down, and then coming up behind her, I covered her eyes. I lead her into the backyard, and there I removed hands to let her see.

Vanessa opened her eyes. Then she shut them, and then she opened them again. "Okay. I'm seeing a really expensive-looking SUV. A new model. Ten seats: nine for passengers, one for driver. New wheels, fresh coat of paint." She had certainly done her research. "Whose is it?"

I didn't answer, but I opened the door and hopped into the passenger seat. Right on cue, she climbed into the driver's seat. When she sat down and rested her hands on the wheel, it was like she was a part of the car: she just fit. She belonged in it, and I think she could tell that too.

"CD/Radio," I said switching it on. "Surround sound." I knocked on the windows. "Bullet-proof." I pushed several buttons. "GPS, heating, air-conditioning, cupholders, gum-dispenser…" He reached beneath her seat and pressed a button: a little drawer popped out of the dashboard. "Makeup compartment. And there are many other additional features."

"And you two built this?"

I nodded.

Vanessa flicked the two fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror and watched them swing. "These are so cool." She leaned her head back and breathed in deeply. "You know, most people my age want glittering little sports cars, convertibles; that sort of thing. But I've always been kind of practical, I guess."

"You like this car?" I asked.

Vanessa nodded. "Oh, yeah," she breathed. "It's rad."

My usually straight lips quirked into a smile. "It's yours." I held out the keys as if they were a diamond engagement ring.

She stared at me. "W-what?" she stammered. "A-Are you _serious_? It's _mine_? Ferb…! You're awesome!" She threw her arms around me. "Thank you so much!"

I should have put my hands on her back, but I was too dazed to react before she pulled away.

"I don't know what to say," said she.

"Then, don't say anything," I said. "Just drive."

She smiled and narrowed her eyes. She twisted the keys in the ignition, and the engine sparked to life. Then she eased her foot down on the gas pedal and drove us proudly out of the backyard and onto the driveway. When Phineas saw how happy she looked (and how pleased I was), he winked at me, and I pretended not to notice.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"I love it!" Vanessa shouted rolling down the windows. "How can I ever thank you?"

Phineas opened his mouth to answer, but he never got to. Our big sister Candace stormed outside and shrieked, "What on earth is that?"

"Hey, Candace," said Phineas. "Ferb and I built this for Van—"

"Ooh, you guys are _so_ busted!" Candace spun around and raced inside. We heard her voice echoing and fading down the halls, "Mom! Mom! Mom…!"

During that distraction, the doors suddenly locked. I wondered if Vanessa had bumped a button until I heard Isabella giggling and gentle guitar music playing (again, no discernable music source). I heard Phineas' voice singing,

**[Song link:** watch?v=RH0rzIvcmsk&hd=1 **]**

_"I called you for the first time yesterday._

_I finally found the missing part of me._

_I felt so close, but you were far away._

_It left me without anything to say._

_Now I'm speechless,_

_Over the edge, I'm just_

_Breathless._

_I never thought that I'd catch this_

_Love bug again."_

From nowhere, three Fireside girls appeared and started singing backup for him.

_"Hopeless,_

_Head over heels in the_

_Moment._

_I never thought that I'd get hit_

_By this love bug again."_

I saw that he was fiddling with the remote-control. At that moment, I wished his pointy nose was just a bit closer to my open window…and my fist. He saw the expression on my face, pushed a button, and the windows slid slowly closed. I mouthed something at him, but he didn't catch it. I looked at Vanessa. She didn't seem to have noticed, being so enthralled with her new ride.

"Oh," I said reaching into my pocket. I had nearly forgotten what I was here for. I handed her a slip of paper no larger than that of a fortune cookie's with "Ferb Fletcher's phone number" (number included) written on it in the neatest cursive possible. "Call me if there are any problems."

Vanessa took the number. "Thanks."

What happened next was beautiful. Rather than just tucking the note away for later reference, she opened her shiny, black cell phone and added me to speed dial. I could have happily died right then and there.

"Really, Ferb," Vanessa went on again. "This is awesome. You and your brother are the most generous people I've ever met. I don't know how to thank you."

An image came to my mind: she and I were speeding down the road with the windows down, the sun on our faces, the radio blasting an upbeat tune. And from the look on her face, I could tell she was having the same idea.

"Wanna take her for a spin?" she asked.

I nodded and gave her a thumbs-up.

She turned the key in the ignition…

An obnoxious noise like the sound of an electric guitar solo being played in a can blared from her pocket. She retrieved her cell phone and pressed it up to her ear. I could tell she was annoyed at the interruption by the way she answered it.

_"What?"_ Her frown melted into a smile. "Oh, hi, Johnny! You're ever gonna believe this! Remember how my dad wouldn't let me get a car?"

There was silence as this… "Johnny" person responded. I pointed at the door as an unvoiced question, meaning, "Should I give you some privacy?", but she shook her head, held up an index finger, and mouthed, _"One second."_

Vanessa looked a bit ticked off by what the person on the other end said. "Well, I _have_ known you for years, and that's _all_ I've been talking about since my fifteenth birthday. Whatever. Anyway, Ferb and his brother built me a… Oh. Well, they're these two boys that I met who…" Now she frowned. "No. No, I just wanted to… Well, sorry. I'm just really hyper right now. You wanna hear why?" She giggled with excitement. "They built me a car, Johnny! Now I don't have to ride around on the back of my dad's old scooter! Isn't this awesome?"

More silence as Johnny answered her.

"Well, don't you wanna see it?" Her bright expression dimmed. Her elbow drooped, and I wondered if she was going to drop her phone. "But I just… No, I can't. I'm gonna take Ferb for a drive."

Suddenly I felt like a pair of rusted training wheels that needed to be cast aside so that the bicycle could get on with its life.

More silence.

I sank into my seat, wanting to disappear. It was so terribly awkward to be caught in the middle of this.

Vanessa frowned. "Who's Fer—Duh! He built my car!"

Silence.

I could tell that something was about to go horribly wrong. What a predictable storyline.

"No, that's not true. I don't care about him more." She scoffed and raised her voice in a sarcastic tone. "Oh, right! Like, I can't come see you right now because I've fallen madly in love with a thirteen-year-old who's two inches too short to ride the Red Streak!"

I saw dark spots in front of my eyes. My head was spinning. My ears heard nothing but the echo of those words. Any… _normal_ person wouldn't have been too offended. But you see, I _am_ rather short for my age: it's always been a problem for me. I'm frequently mistaken for a thirteen-year-old, even though I'm fifteen (of course, Phineas is often mistaken for a ten-year-old, and he's fourteen). Shortness: it is among the most heinous defects that a masculine human being can be cursed with, and I happened to get stuck with it. My brother has never had much trouble with bullies, but I certainly have, and from being exposed to such ridicule, I have become rather sensitive about my height.

"Two inches too short to ride the Red Streak": that was a heavy blow. The Red Streak was a rather small, rather gentle rollercoaster at the Cinder Point amusement park. If you're too short to ride that at my age (which of course I am _not_), you might as well wear a paper bag over your head for the rest of your life. But the tone in which she had said it was the main offender. She had emphasized particular words in such a way that it sounded as if she wouldn't be caught _dead_ with someone who matched that description. I was crushed.

Vanessa was startled by her own words. Her jaw went slack as her phone clattered to the floor. "Ferb, I…"

I unlocked the door and hopped out, and without a word, proceeded to run—I mean, _walk_ at a quick, _manly_ pace—inside the house.

**~O~Not a bad start, huh? Reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**


	2. Board Games and Teddy Bears

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

I could hardly believe what had just happened. Why had I said that? He was right there, and it was so obvious that he liked me! The worst thing you can to do a guy who's trying to impress you is call him short!

_"Hello?" _I heard Johnny's annoyed voice near my feet and picked up my cell phone again.

"Do you know what you just made me do?" I demanded.

_"Do you know how mad I am right now?"_ He obviously didn't care. _"I'm done with you!"_

"Johnny, what are you saying?"

_"Done!"_

Click. Silence. He'd hung up. I'd been broken up with over the phone right after I'd broken the heart of possibly the sweetest boy in the entire world. Now Ferb's brother was staring at me from the front lawn, as was his friend with the pink bow, and I felt horrible. Next thing I did was drive; just drive without aim. When it came to choosing a destination, my mom's place was too far away, so I was forced to go to my dad.

In case I forgot to mention it, he's evil. Really. He's _evil_.

When he answered the door, he was tied up in his own pants (not the first time that's happened). But as soon as I told him that Johnny broke up with me, he hurried out of his bondages and gave me a big hug, saying that I'd meet other boys. And then he made me a doonkleberry milkshake and spent the rest of the day playing board games with me: not what I would have chosen, but it was sweet nonetheless. I could tell he was trying. I stayed with Dad for a few more days. He took the week off from his evil schemes to hang out and have some father-daughter time with me. It was actually kinda nice.

Always nagging me in the back of my mind was the image of Ferb's stunned face as he retreated, utterly deflated, into his house. Had I just destroyed someone's life? I hadn't seen or heard from him since that day. Maybe I should have talked to him. I mean, I did have his number, but if I called him, what would I say? I felt so mixed up.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

The panic room is a small, vault-like space beneath our basement where the people in my family go to, as you Americans say, "freak out". The walls are metal so that any screaming will be drowned out, and there is an ancient, one-eyed teddy bear who sits in the corner staring at you, making you feel even worse, but at the same time, helping you to feel less alone.

There I was, on my own, in the dark. I felt so broken down, so exposed. I'm usually on top of my game. I know everyone; I know what's going on. I know how to get everyone to safety in case of emergency. I check the child-proof locks. I make sure my brother doesn't skateboard with a sucker in his mouth or ride a bike without a helmet. But this time, I was the vulnerable one. I hugged my arms, shivering. The walls of my secluded hiding place felt like sheets of ice against my back. But I knew I had to get used to it if I was going to spend the rest of my life in there, so I tried to be optimistic: at least I wasn't claustrophobic. I still needed to come up with a way to get food and water, and breathing was going to be a problem, but I counted the situation do-able. Yes, this wouldn't be so bad. I might even find the time to contemplate the meaning of life—oh, right. Phineas and I figured that out _eons_ ago.

How had things gone so wrong? The plan had seemed so brilliant. But of course it would never work out: she's two years older than me! Grow up, genius!

Although I don't want to toot my own horn, I_ have_ always been a bit ahead of my age in mentality. I suppose it was inevitable for me to hurt myself this badly. Even if—

Hey, maybe Phineas could bring me sandwiches and cola? Good. Now I had a way to get food and drink. See? Things weren't looking so bad.

The room was flooded with light from above. I squinted at the face that smiled down at me.

"Hey, twerp." My stepsister Candace climbed down the ladder and took a seat next to me.

I looked at her in confusion, wondering how she had found me.

"Phineas told me what happened," Candace filled me in. She looked around awkwardly before inching closer. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I said nothing.

"Right. I'll do the talking. Ferb…" She took a deep breath. "I don't have to tell you that you should wait a few more years before you start thinking too seriously about girls. I'm sure you already know that."

"Well, actually, I—"

"Now, this… Vanessa," continued Candace. "Is she pretty?"

I nodded.

"And smart?"

I nodded again.

"And different from all the other girls?"

And again.

"But she thinks she's too good for you?"

I hesitated, but then I nodded again.

"Well," said Candace. She put her arm around me. "If she has the _nerve_ to think my rollercoaster-building, one-hit-wonder, astronaut, cowboy, monster-truck-driving, Niagara-Falls-falling, builder, inventor, incredibly annoying, super-mega-genius brother isn't good enough for her…" She smiled at me. "…then, she isn't good enough for _you_."

I looked up at her. I was surprised that she would even say something like that after spending most of her time trying to "bust" us (whatever that meant). For her kindness, I managed a smile. She was, after all, right.

"Now," Candace said straightening. "How about you come back upstairs? Phineas is lying on the couch, _watching television_."

Television?! Phineas?! There was no way I'd let my brother be brainwashed by cliché storylines and propaganda! I clambered up the stairs like my sanity depended on it.

**_~Candace's POV~_**

As I watched Ferb bolting up the stairs like a cannonball to rescue Phineas from boredom, I felt someone's eyes on me. Turning, I saw one-eyed Mr. Miggins smirking up at me.

"That conversation never happened," I told him.

The teddy bear was silent, conveying that he would tell no one.

**Stupid Johnny. ):| Sweet Candace and Ferb moment there, though. :) Haha, I enjoyed making sensible Ferb pay a visit to the Panic Room. This chappie was sort of short; it will get more exciting as it progresses. More to come! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**


	3. Vanessa Gets Busted

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

I found Phineas gazing dully at the TV screen as images of Rick Sandler, that guy who was going up against Roger Doofenshmirtz for mayor, flashed by in a hypnotic rhythm. After I switched off the machine, I suggested that we set to work on the Time-seer, a machine that would allow us to see time as it passed us by.

The next few days were spent trying to come up with a new, intelligent species of bumble bees that won't sting you, building winged chairs that fly to you when you need to sit, shipping animals off to populate our deserted island and setting up our own marionette government on it—nothing new. Things were looking a little brighter with each new sunrise. My life was getting back to its usual weirdness.

And then came August the 8th. It began like any normal day should (if you can call our days normal). Our parents were flying to Europe for a second honeymoon, so Candace was in charge. We woke up early to get a head-start on making the grass in Isabella's yard greener so that we'd have more time to attempt to bring J. R. R. Tolkien back to life so that he could help Baljeet write a paper on the fantasy genre, as well as drift down the Nile in barrels made from pycrete and move the atmosphere an extra six inches closer to make meteor showers more exciting. We had a lot on our to-do list, and we had already lost time destroying a tracking device which we found on Perry's tail when he came home the night before. We usually didn't try and to cram so much into one day, but with only one month left of summer, we felt pressed for time.

Our plans, however, were rained on when the sky refused to cooperate. Danville was plagued with harsh thunderstorms all day, putting us way off schedule. Yet we made do. There were plenty of experiments that we could conduct indoors, and we got the chance to give Perry a needed bath.

By the time supper was finished, the storm had reached its bleakest point. There was no way that our friends could return home for the night, so Baljeet, Buford, and Irving set up sleeping bags in our room, and Isabella reclined on Candace's couch. We all lay down. Buford, however, kicked Irving and Baljeet out of our room (Irving claimed the living room sofa and Baljeet slept under the dining room table); and because Phineas kept waking up screaming, Buford stormed off to sleep in the garage.

That probably sounded a little strange. Let me back up. A few days before, we were watching a new documentary about wolves at the movie theater. Phineas got up to buy some more popcorn, but he got lost on his way back and, because the LED signs weren't functioning properly, couldn't find out which of the two rooms where the movies were showing was the correct one. He just chose the one nearest to him. I guess the management there completely forgot to put out the big warning that said, "Host of Zombies 3, rated I: inappropriate for all ages". My brother may appear fearless in the face of peril, but we don't watch very many scary movies, and when we do, they're usually in black and white. Poor Phineas had been unable to sleep peacefully since that incident.

So, now it was just me and him in our room, and of course Perry. I lay down to sleep as soon as I heard my brother snoring. Yet fate decreed I would not be finding any rest for a long time.

I tossed and turned for hours. Memories that had not come to mind in years were suddenly alive, haunting my every breath. Memories of her, of my training, the airplane, the escape pod, screaming at the top of my lungs… I bolted upright, rubbing my sweat-encased forehead with my thumbs and index fingers. I had the distinct feeling that something big was about to take place. It was like an alarm blaring. Something was about to happen.

But don't be ridiculous, Ferb! You're supposed to be the logical one! Talk of intuition and premonitions are for those who act on impulse. That isn't your field. It's more of a… Phineas thing. You're supposed to be as hard as stone. So, stop this nonsense and go to sleep!

I took my advice and laid my head down again, determined to fall asleep.

**_~Candace's POV~_**

I hung upside-down from my bed with the phone glued to my ear. "…and I don't know how I'm gonna pay for all of it yet, but I'm sure it'll be worth it when their insanely cool, but totally irritating whatcha-does-it-bobs go up in flames and smoke."

_"I don't know, Candace,"_ Stacy voice buzzes from the speaker. _"How can you even want to bust your brothers when they spend an entire day in Africa feeding gourmet cooking to starving children…"_

"I still don't know how Mom and Dad missed them."

_"…and recycle their building materials so that they can construct mansions for the homeless over the weekend…"_

"I know, I know, but—"

_"…and win Danville Dollars and then donate all of it to the Share & Care Charity Organization for disabled children?"_

"Oh, yeah," I said shaking my head at the memory. "'Aren't you a little young to buy a lottery ticket?' 'Yes. Yes, I am. I get that a lot.' I remember it loud n' clear, Stacy. But have you forgotten how devious they can be?"

_"Devious? Your brothers?"_ She sounded skeptical. _"Yeah, as much as puppies. Name one time when either of them has put himself before others."_

"Ferb hit Phineas before," I tried.

_"They were_ boxing_, Candace,"_ Stacy emphasized. _"They've never really even fought before."_

I snorted. "Yeah, that's 'cause Isabella's always doing their dirty work for them."

_"Candace, face it: once you get to know them, you've gotten to know them. There are no skeletons in their closets; no dark secrets."_

"Oh, there are," I knew. "I just need to figure out what. So, wait 'til you hear my latest plan: I'm gonna hire these guys called Mythbusters to help me stop them! I don't really know who they are or what they do, but it must have something to do with busting—I mean, it says 'busting' _in the name."_

_"Uh, Candace,"_ Stacy started. _"Mythbusters are not the way to go…"_

"Don't try to stop me now!" I cut her off and burst into crazed giggles. "This time I'll prove it! Tomorrow I'll call these busters of myths and bust them! Hehehehe!"

Through my laughter, I could hear Stacy sigh and murmur something about warning me.

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

"It was so utterly perfect, so cunning, so evil! I could get to Danville slowly by pushing all of its buttons one by one until it finally cracked. My plan was completely fail-proof. There was no way that Perry the Platypus could find out, especially when he's sleeping at home, wherever that was—I really wished I knew so that I could attack his heart like the Green Goblin did in _Spiderman_.

"However, my plan would only be Perry-proof if I could get past the most difficult phase of all. I dramatically arose from my chair. I walked across the room, my black shoes creaking on the… er… tiles as I… walked across the—Did I cover that already? I think I did. What's a scarier word for 'walked'?"

"Have you tried 'stalked'?"

"Perfect! That's a good one, Norm! Thanks! Where was I? Ah, yes! I stalked across the floor to the sofa where my daughter, Vanessa, was eating ice cream straight from the container with a spoon…"

"You don't really know how this whole narrating thing works, do you, Dad?"

"What are you talking about? I thought I was doing great."

"Here. Try thinking what happened instead of re-living it."

What, do you mean like this?

Vanessa stared at me, and I realized that she couldn't hear my inner thoughts.

"Hey, it works!" I exclaimed.

"Good," said Vanessa. "Now let's get back to this." She gazed boredly ahead and shoveled more ice cream into her mouth.

"Vanessa," I said in a sweet voice. "Would you mind running an errand for me?"

She groaned. "Ugh. I came here to sulk, not help you seize control of the Tri-state Area."

But I persisted. "Plllleeeeeeaaaaaaassssee?"

She gazed up at me for a moment, and then nodded. "Fine. What is it?"

I grinned evilly. "I need you to go to the Share & CareCharityOrganizationDonat ionCenter and…"

"Whoa, wait," Vanessa rudely interrupted me. She pointed her spoon at me as if it was some sort of weapon. "You want me to rob a charity for disabled children?"

I stared blankly at her for a few seconds. "No, of course not! What kind of demon do you think I am? No, I just want you to replace all of the dollar bills in the box with the exact change in pennies, so that when the time comes to count up all of the money, they will all have to miss all of their dental appointments because it will take so for them to find the total! _Aaaaaah-hahahahaha!_" I broke into evil laughter at the ingeniousness of my scheme. "I need you to do it, because the Organization Without a Cool Acronym that Perry the Platypus works for will never suspect you, and they wouldn't wake up Perry the Platypus just because they saw you carrying a sack of pennies into a charity." As I had rehearsed, I then handed her the sack of pennies. Then ignoring her grumbling questions of "why me", I watched her haul the sack out of the door, and then I burst into even eviler laughter. This was going to be _epic_!

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

My life is, in a word, strange. It started out strange, and it gets stranger every day. Thank goodness my mad scientist father is somewhat less evil than he believes. This errand wasn't too much to take. I mean, after all, it didn't seem terribly bad to inconvenience people for the sake of strengthening my relationship with my dad. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Was I?

_Blonk, blonk!_

Whoa! That was a loud horn! Why was I being honked at?

Oh, crud! Red light!

I clenched my eyes shut and slammed down on the breaks with all there was in me. Too late. I was going too fast. Now I would slide out into oncoming traffic and get smashed into pieces, and at so young an age. I'd never even gotten to swim in the ocean, or jump out of an airplane, or go to Rome, or really live any of my dreams. This was it. Goodbye, Vanessa.

But I opened my eyes. I wasn't dead: I was… flying? The car was in the air. I looked out the window. Down below, cars were zooming by. A beeping sound drew my attention to the GPS screen. It was all lit up. Red lights were flashing. An image of my face appeared along with bold letters saying, "**Vanessa in danger. Emergency autopilot activated.**"

_Autopilot?!_ Where was it taking me? I pressed the breaks, but nothing happened. "Break!" I shouted. "Break! Break! Stop! Land!"

_"Landing,"_ a mechanical voice informed.

The car stopped at the next red light and touched down gently as if nothing had happened. The tires hardly even screeched. As I waited for the green light, I sat there gripping the wheel white-knuckled, catching my breath. And when I could breathe again, my eyes darted around at all of the various buttons and levers and blinking, tricked-out gizmos, and a rush of horror came over me, as well as a four-word question: "What _is_ this thing?"

The light changed, and there was nothing I could do but keep going. Directing my thoughts back to the matter at hand, I made a left and pulled into the vacant parking lot of the Share & Care Charity Organization Donation Center. I unloaded the sack of pennies and slipped inside, hoping that there weren't any security cameras. There weren't, so my job would be an easy one.

The building looked bigger outside: there must have been more rooms. Right now I was in a space the size of the cry room at church where parents sometimes take noisy children to keep them from distracting anyone. The lighting was as dim as it would have been if the only source was a street lamp. The carpet looked old and worn. I guess they couldn't afford to get it replaced with all of the money they were giving away. That observation sort of made me feel like I was in good company.

There was the donation box. I started towards it.

Just then I heard the door opening. In the blink of an eye, I had taken cover behind some conveniently-hung curtains. Two guys in ski masks, one huge and muscular and the other scrawny and short, walked in like they owned the place, laughing about something that probably wasn't very funny.

_"Oh, my gosh!" _I thought. _"They are so busted!" _I flipped open my cell phone and started filming. I was sure that the police would be interested in this, as well as my FaceSpace followers.

"C'mon. C'mon!" the skinny guy said. He was holding a black suitcase open while his accomplice unlocked the donation box with a little, silvery key.

"I'm comin'," the tall guy muttered. "Got it!" He opened the box, revealing the piles of cash. "Thanks to those idiots who won the lottery and donated all of the money to this charity, we'll be able to bribe them to stuff the ballet box so that Rick Sandler can win the election for sure."

I couldn't believe it. They had just gone over their entire evil plan right in front of me, and I happened to have my cell phone and be recording everything they did. I didn't need any more evidence to convict them. Quietly I began to steal away towards the door…

…and then my cell phone rang. Dad was calling, probably to check up on me.

And now I was the busted one. As the footsteps intensified behind me, I bolted for the exit, only to find that a long, metal pipe the size of a crowbar had been stuck through the handles of the glass door to keep it from yielding. Someone seized me roughly from behind and clamped a hand over my mouth. I panicked and wildly kicked my feet in all directions before I felt myself getting lifted into the air from behind. And then everything went dark before I could even scream.

**Heheheh. Mythbusters. Oh, Candace... Uh-oh! Trouble for Vanessa! Sigh. Doof, you always call at the exact wrong moment! What happens next? You'll soon find out! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**


	4. Fate

**Hey, I'm back! Here's the next chapter! And sorry about this one spot where it wouldn't let me divide the scenes: right after Ferb says, "Well, we can't have that, can we?" it supposed to have switched scenes. For some reason, it took out the scene-divider. Anyways, enjoy!** ~ ~ ~

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

I rolled onto my side. I rolled onto my other side. Again, I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. Now I was angry with myself. _Fall asleep, you moron!_ I told myself. But self-commands aren't very convincing.

"Don't eat me! Ahhhh! Ferb! Ferb!"

That did it. I simply had to face the fact that I would not be getting any sleep tonight. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and gently but firmly shook my brother awake. He jerked up and hit me in the face with his large nose. I waited patiently as he took his time in realizing that he was still in his room, and then I fetched him a glass of water. While he drank, I stood there. Perry was catching his breath on the foot of the bed, looking rather shaken by the rude awakening. I reached out and scratched him behind the ears to calm him down.

"Thanks, Ferb," Phineas said after setting the cup down on his bedside table.

"More zombies?" I asked.

He nodded. "They wanted Candace."

An idea came to mind. "Well, we can't have that, can we?"

~o~

"…and when the paths of the lasers are broken, they'll alert the computer to use the scissors to cut the rope and dump the bucket of salt on whomever is standing in the threshold. And _everyone_ knows that zombies are afraid of salt."

"Great," said Phineas. "Thanks, Ferb. I feel a lot safer now."

I gestured with my head to our bedroom.

"Right," he said. "Sleeping. I think I can do that now."

Curiously, my pocket started vibrating. What on earth could that be? I reached in and felt the cold metal of my cell phone.

"Are you coming?" Phineas asked.

I nodded and held up my index finger. He knew that meant I'd be there in just a second. When he was gone, I flipped open my phone and pressed it up to my ear. All I heard were a bunch of voices, none of them familiar.

_"Slowly, if you can!"_

_"She's heavy!"_

_"If you think this brat is heavy, you're weak!"_

_"I'm not weak! You are!"_

I frowned. Maybe it was a wrong number.

_"Shut up, both of you! And take those dorky ski masks off. You're just begging the police to notice us! That punk boss of ours would be furious if we got caught."_

That didn't sound good.

_"Put her in the trunk. Gently! I don't want her to wake up and start screaming again!"_

There was a loud thud, followed by a moan.

_"Oops."_

_"What did I just tell you?!"_

_"Hey…where am I? Where's my dad?"_

My thoughts screeched to a halt. That sounded like Vanessa!

_"Look, girly, if you don't pipe down, I'll _knock_ you down… with a pipe!"_

_"That's the best you can do? Really?"_

_"Hey, I'm under pressure!"_

_"Let me go!"_

I heard her struggling; it sent my heart driving over its speed limit. "Vanessa?" I asked, careful not to wake anyone. I spoke a bit louder. "Vanessa?"

_"What was that?" _someone on the other line asked. _"It sounded like a name."_

_"You wanna hear a name? I'll give you a name, you good-for-nothing—"_

_"Get in the car, you idiots! We've got a deadline!"_

I heard car doors slamming and an engine starting. Nothing more for a few minutes… until:

_"H-hello?"_

"Vanessa?" I asked.

_"Norm, is that you?"_

"No, no, it's—"

_"Tell Dad I…"_

"You're breaking up, Vanessa. What did you say?"

_"I said… him… and tell Mom I… And, Norm… Tell Ferb I'm sorry. For everything."_

_"_Wait, Vanessa; it's me, Fer—"

_Click_.

"…Ferb," I finished sadly. The connection was broken. What luck for me not to have her number: she only had mine! But I counted myself fortunate. She was with some men against her will, I had gathered (and from what I could tell, they didn't sound too bright). My guess was she was tied up in the trunk of their car. When they moved her, she must have bumped speed dial on her phone and called me by mistake.

Or what if it wasn't a mistake? What if it was… Fate?

No. No, no, no. No thinking about destiny here, Ferb. You're much too smart and mature for that sort of nonsense. Leave feelings to Phineas: you're the practical one.

But… looking back on the evening, it seemed to match up so well. What if the premonition I had felt was God-given? What if I was meant to get that call? Maybe Phineas had been allowed to walk in on that horror film and have nightmares about it ever since just to get me out into the hall, alone. What if this was all to give me a second chance with Vanessa?

This method of thinking was _so_ unlike me. I was disgusted with myself for it. But at the same time… it excited me. I loved it. What if I was special? What if some things were meant to be?

My entire world-view was crumbling before my eyes.

Um… hello, moron? Vanessa? In danger? Do something, man!

I hurried down the hall and into the living room where our number one fan, Irving, slept on the couch, wrapped in a quilt embroidered with my face and Phineas' (like I said: my life is weird). I shook him.

"Reporting for duty!" he shouted, sitting up immediately. He threw his glasses over his nose and blinked at me. Honestly, he looked as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as my brother on a Saturday morning.

I shushed him and held out my cell phone.

He stared at it. "Nice… What can I do for you?"

"Trace my last call," I said.

Irving's perky smile faded. "Ooh… Uh… Okay. That's a tall order there, Ferb."

"I'll get you a lock of Phineas' hair."

"Stand back and watch a master at work!" He whipped a huge computer monitor from behind his back, snatched the phone from my hand, and hooked it up. "This should just take a few minutes."

And it did. In a moment, the car my brother and I had built for Vanessa appeared on the screen.

"The phone call was made from this car," Irving explained. He gave the monitor another look. "That's the car you made for Vanessa, right? Sorry she didn't work out, dude."

Did Phineas tell _everyone_ about that?

"Hey, you have a tracking device planted in the GPS system of that car, right?"

…Yes. Yes, I did. From my pocket, I pulled out a little device that looked a lot like a handheld video game. I switched it on and stared at the screen. Yes. Perfect! They were heading for a place called… Meentown.

Irving took one look at the name and whitened. "M-Meentown? As in… the town that was built by nerds in the eighteenth century and overtaken by bullies in the Wedgie War of 1919? _That_ town? Ferb, don't go!"

"Don't go where?"

We both spun around. Phineas stood there in his pajamas with Perry in his arms.

Irving opened his mouth, but I stuck my cell phone in it. "To the bathroom."

Phineas stared at me. "Why _not_ go?"

"Buford was just in," I told him plainly.

Understanding flooded my brother's face. "Ah. Well, I just wanted to see if you're coming. Perry wants to trade beds, but he can't do that without someone to keep him warm. And also… I can't find the nightlight."

"Well, we'll have to fix that, then," I said. "Irving will help you find it, and I'll be there… soon."

"All right," said Phineas. He turned around and went back down the hall, glancing quizzically at me one last time before returning to our room.

When he was gone, I removed my phone from Irving's mouth. He gawked at me, his wide-eyed stare making it obvious that my words had just shaken his world.

"Ferb," he said in utter disbelief. "Did you just… _lie_ to _Phineas_?"

I sighed and nodded my head. "Yes. Yes, I did."

**~~~ Uh-oh! Ferb lied to Phineas? O.o What could that mean? And why doesn't he want Phineas to know about the phone call? You'll have to find out. And you may also be wondering, "Okay. Phineas is, like, fourteen in this, right? Why does he still use a nightlight?" You might think that's slightly unrealistic on my part, but actually it isn't. Trust me. Fear of the dark is very common, even in older kids.**

**This one was kind of short, but the next chapter will have answers! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! :D**


	5. Frank Edmund Robert Bond

Yes, you heard me. I had lied to Phineas. Bet you didn't think _that _was possible. Well, to tell you the truth, it isn't the first time. In fact, I used to lie all the time.

I'm going to tell you a story within a story. It's a romantic, tragic tale about government spy named James who was undercover as a slightly nerdy, very eccentric man going to college there to become a brain surgeon. The life of a spy is riddled with mystery, danger, and a hint of forbidden chemistry. The man had many enemies. In fact, an elite agency from France had sent their most deadly assassin, Ivy, to terminate him. But whether it was Fate or moonlight, the _termination_ part was never carried out. The two fell in love and married in secret. When the French agency heard of this, they were enraged. The couple fled to the protection of the British crown and was quickly forced into hiding.

Years passed, and all was well. They a daughter—Marilyn Bonnie Chrysanthemum Bond—and a son: Frank Edmund Robert Bond. Always doubtful of their security and afraid that something would one day happen to them, James and Ivy taught their children everything they knew; they even handed them over to the British agency for a time to prepare them. It was a wise decision to make, for something _did_ happen. Their enemies uncovered their hiding place. The spy took their daughter and the assassin took their son, and they separated.

Meanwhile, the British agency which had been protecting them for so long devised a plan which had to be followed to the letter in order to achieve successful completion. All was going well at first, until Ivy received word that her husband and Marilyn had been caught by the enemy. Against all better judgment, she deviated, taking her son with her, and because she didn't follow the plan, she ended up taking a bullet to save her lover's life. Her last dying words to James were to take the children away and start a new life, free from danger.

And then some _idiot_ pushed a self-destruct button, and everyone ran for their lives. From the airplane which waited outside, the commissioner alerted us to take the escape pods in order to get out in time. One person could fit in each pod at a time. After seeing that his children were ready, James told them what to do before launching himself out. His children hurried to get into their pods, but when Frank pulled the lever to launch, it stuck. Being the impulsive one of the two, Marilyn leapt from her pod and pushed Frank's pod free just before the building erupted into fire and smoke. Beloved Marilyn, like her mother, perished for the ones whom she loved.

Father and son were heartbroken. Frank stopped speaking. He didn't understand why his mother had left him. I think he was secretly angry with her for not thinking things through. Maybe he thought that if she had only taken a step back and evaluated the situation for a minute, both she and Marilyn would still be with them today. He simply couldn't wrap his mind around her decision to leave him.

Honoring Ivy Bond's last wishes, James took his son and went to America to start a new life. They changed their last name to Fletcher, and took up residence in a tri-state area, in a place called Danville. It was a big change of scenery, and it took some getting used to. James went back to college, and Frank was forced to attend a wretched place called _school_. Every Sunday, the father and son would go to the park together.

This is a major turning point in the story.

Young Frank was a quiet lad. He had no friends, and he never spoke to anyone. He was still traumatized by the events of his early life. Whenever he went to the park, he would sit in the sandbox and make things out of the sand. A sad story, I know. But one day, another little boy with a triangular head was sitting on the bench next to him with a notebook and a red crayon just drawing and drawing. He was flying through the pages of the notebook, covering every square inch in colored wax. One of his drawings came loose from the binder and glided down into the sand. Frank picked it up and saw that a big castle had been drawn on it. Then, instead of returning the picture to the boy, he made an exact replica of the drawing with sand, adding a few special touches of his own.

"That's awesome!" the little triangular boy praised. "But you did the top wrong. It goes like this." Frank hoisted him up, and he smoothed the peak of the tallest tower into a point.

"There!" the boy cried as Frank set him back on the ground. "It's a pretty castle for Candace!" Then he stuck out his dirty hand. "I'm Phineas. What's your name?"

"Frank Edmund Robert Bond… Fletcher," Frank replied, speaking for the first time in a year.

"That's a hard name," the triangular boy said with a frown. "I think you should change it."

"Well, my father calls me Frank," said Frank with a shrug.

"And do you like that name?" Phineas asked.

The spy's son opened his mouth, but then shut it. He'd never thought about it before. Finally he shook his head.

"Then, how about your first middle name, Edmund?" his new friend suggested.

Frank again shook his head, more vigorously this time.

They thought for another long moment. Then Phineas' face lit up.

"Hey! Every first letter in your name spells a word: Freb!"

Frank pursed his lips. "Actually, that would spell _Ferb_."

"Do you like that name?"

Frank thought about this. Then he nodded. "Yes. Yes, I do."

I'm sure you figured out a while ago that Frank Edmund Robert Bond (Fletcher) is me, or was me. I told you at the beginning of this tale that I've been keeping secrets: big secrets. You see, when my father fell in love with Linda and I started playing with Phineas and Candace, I didn't want to think about my mother or Marilyn or really remember anything about the earlier years of my life anymore, because this life was so much better. I was safe, I didn't have to practice martial arts, I had friends, a younger brother and older sister who loved me very much, a new mother, and my father was happy. I was happy. So I made myself forget. I never thought about my old life. I never even went into the headquarters that dad built beneath our house anymore.

So it was a painful experience to enter it again that night, alone.

When our pet platypus, Perry, came to live with us, he turned it into his own HQ. I'd already known him for years—he and I were trained to lie professionally at the same academy: even did a few jobs with him in Australia back in the day—so you can imagine the getting used to it took when my former partner became my pet. But over the years, our relationship has evolved into a deep bond of friendship and mutual trust. He even severely broke protocol for my sake by preventing me from forgetting everything that happened in the 2nd dimension. Yet another secret that I had to keep. Not even my ex-spy father knew that I knew he was no ordinary pet, and certainly not my brother.

I entered the washroom, shut the door behind me, opened the hidden chute in the shower, slid down, and landed in the red chair that faced the big monitor.

Now, don't get me wrong. I really did want to tell Phineas the truth so that he could help me rescue Vanessa. But my spy's instincts told me there would be danger, and I had already lost too many loved ones. And you may be wondering why I didn't just call the police. Well, without having recorded the phone call, I had no evidence which would suggest that Vanessa was in danger. "Then, why not wake Perry?" you might ask. The answer to that is, because then Phineas would know that something was afoot. So, I was on my own.

It felt so unreal to press the red button again and watch my old, black bodysuit rising from the floor. I hurried into it and gathered a few of my old gadgets together before mounting my motorcycle.

Yes, my motorcycle. Don't worry: I strapped on my helmet before taking off, praying that I could save Vanessa and be back before anyone noticed.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

My heart raced as I ran through the streets of Danville searching for my brother. I could hear the enemy behind me, and suddenly I wished I hadn't left my magic pencil at home. I spun around the corner, making an unexpected turn. Usually my shortcuts save me, but this one would prove to be my demise.

I skidded to a stop. Dead end. They had me cornered. In crippling fear, I slowly turned to face my doom. The living dead appeared in the entrance of the alleyway, reaching out to me with rotting, grey hands. They started to chant something—I think it was, "Don't spoil your dinner with that licorice!" And all of my mistakes came flooding back to me. As they held their saltshakers over my head and started to sprinkle, all I could think about was how weird it was that the moon was wearing sunglasses, 'cause, I mean, come on! The sun's not even out!

But anyway, this was it. I was all alone. Ferb had abandoned me, just like Dad.

I woke up screaming again, clutching the covers to my chest. Perry rubbed up against me comfortingly, reminding me that I was still at home. I lay back down with a sigh, thinking how weird it was for me to dream about Dad when I hadn't thought about him in forever.

No, not Lawrence. I mean, my other dad. He left when I was three, and sometimes it still bothered me. Fortunately, I had the best brother in the world to talk to about it. I rolled onto my side, expecting to see Ferb's strangely-shaped head lying on his pillow… But nope.

"Ferb?" I asked the darkness of my room. I glanced about. "Huh. That's strange, isn't it, Perry?" I looked at the digital clock on my desk. 2:01a.m. Ferb always slept the whole night through. In fact, he had never gotten up in the middle of the night since I had known him. Scooping our pet into my arms, I went into the hall.

I heard someone yawn. Isabella stumbled tiredly out of Candace's room.

"Wait, don't!" I tried to warn her, but it was too late. A huge bucket of salt was dumped on her head from that contraption Ferb had made.

"Whoops," was all I could say to her glare.

"I would be really mad right now if you weren't so…" She never finished. Instead, she shook off the salt and batted her eyelashes at me. For some reason, she does that whenever she says: "Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin'... up so late?"

"Looking for Ferb," I answered. "He never gets up this late."

"Have you tried the bathroom?" Isabella asked.

I glanced at the door. Sure enough, it was shut and a light was in inside. But something didn't feel right to me. Call in intuition, but I somehow knew that he wasn't in there. I tiptoed to the door and knocked. As soon as my fingers touched it, it slid open, and the room revealed its emptiness.

"That's strange," said Isabella. "Why would someone just leave the light on like that?"

She and I went into the living room where Irving slept. I shook him awake.

"Reporting for duty!" he shouted, and he sat up really fast and saluted me.

"At ease," I said, returning the salute. "Where's Ferb?"

Irving's irises shrank. "You mean… he…? I… uh… I don't know." He attempted to smile innocently, he cheeks nearly engulfing his crescent eyeballs.

"Yes, you do," I told him; and to emphasize that I was right, I held out a wacky little doohickey with blinking red lights. "Lie detector. Now, where's Ferb?"

Irving sighed and slumped down miserably. "If he's not here, then he must have gone to Meentown!" he wailed.

"Meentown?!" Baljeet squeaked from under the table. He scurried into the room and shuddered for effect. "As in the town that was built by nerds in the eighteenth century and overtaken by bullies in the Wedgie War of 1919? _That_ town? Phineas, don't go!"

"Ferb is in Meentown?" Isabella asked. "Why would he just go without telling us? Without telling Phineas?"

"I don't know!" Irving cried. "He asked me to trace a phone call for him earlier. I traced it to that car you built for Vanessa, and he tracked it to Meentown."

"Why would Ferb do something like that?" Baljeet asked.

I frowned and rubbed the space between my mouth and my neck (no, I don't mean my chin: I don't have one). This wasn't like Ferb. "There must have been a good reason for him to leave unexpectedly without telling anyone," I assured them. "We'll just have to go and get him."

"But, Phineas," said Baljeet. "Wouldn't _you_ be breaking curfew?"

"Not if Candace drives us," I said.

"Drives us where?" Buford asked after appearing out of nowhere.

"To Meentown," I answered.

"Meentown?" Buford gasped. "As in the town that was built by nerds in the eighteenth century and overtaken by bullies in the Wedgie War of 1919?"

"Yes, Buford," I said. "_That_ town."

"What town?" a cranky voice demanded.

Candace emerged from the hall in her robe and slippers, glowering down at us.

"Meentown," I answered a bit hesitantly.

"Meentown?" Candace echoed. "As in the town that was built by nerds in the eighteenth century and over—"

I interrupted her to save time, "Yes, yes; that town."

Candace groaned. "Ugh. Why is everyone standing around talking about Meentown at two in the morning?"

"Because Ferb ran away," Irving answered, hanging his head in despair.

"What?!" Candace shouted.

"Actually, he _rode_ away," Buford corrected. "On his motorcycle."

"You saw him leave?" Isabella asked.

"I have a better question," said Baljeet. "Ferb has a motorcycle?!"

"Apparently," I said with a shrug. "But, guys, calm down. I'm sure Ferb had a good reason for leaving."

"Yeah," Candace said, already high-strung. "It's probably to get me grounded forever when Mom and Dad come home from Europe and find out that he ran away to _Meentown _on a _motorcycle_! Why else would he have left?"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," I said evenly. "Everyone get dressed; we're going to Meentown!"

**~O~NOW we're talking! Anyone notice that ****_Meentown _****is spelled wrong? :P**


	6. Trying to Help

**This one was so fun to play out and to write. ^_^ Enjoy!**

**_~Buford's POV~_**

Ha ha! You losers have to listen to me talking now! I'm gonna tell the story how it really went—unless I feel like changing something (whatcha gonna do?).

We all piled into the car. There were enough seats, but I still sat on Baljeet. As soon as we had pulled out of the driveway, Candace started barking out orders: "I'm in charge. All of you underlings have to listen to me. No talking, no fighting, no getting carsick, no rest stops, no snacks, no drinks, no whining, and _no_ doing anything creative or bust-worthy." But as soon as she said the "no drinks" part, a brilliant idea formed in my mind. Someone had left an unopened can of soda in the cup holder next to me. And _everyone_ knows what happens when Mr. Sunshine has caffeine.

I chuckled to myself. This was gonna be fun.

"Hey, Dinnerbell," I said holding it out to him with dark intent (he sat in the passenger seat). "You should drink something. You probably hardly slept at all, and you could use something to help you stay awake. A sip is all it takes in your case."

He surveyed me quizzically, but he didn't hesitate to snatch it from my hands. I heard the air hissing as he popped it open. I could hardly contain my delight as he gulped it down.

"Thanks, Buford," he said gratefully. "That'll come back around."

"Yes. Yes, it will," I murmured deviously.

Now to play the waiting game.

Suddenly the car skidded to a stop. Candace threw open her door and jumped out, pulling me with her. "At last!" she cried. "Buford and I can run away together!"

Then a host of goldfish came up out of the ocean and made me and Candace king and queen of all marine life, and they worshipped us.

**_Baljeet's POV~_**

Before Buford gets too carried away, allow me to set you straight. Everything he said was true up until that last bit right there. I saw him handing the can to Phineas, but because I was being sat upon, I was unable to stop him. It was only some thirty minutes before the toxin kicked in.

"Hey, Candace!" he exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

Candace yelped and slammed down on the breaks before sliding out into oncoming traffic. "Phineas!" she growled. "Don't scream while I'm driving!"

"But, Candace!" he persisted, slightly quieter, but still loud enough to pop an eardrum out. "I just got a stupendous, tremendous idea! We can convert our car to run on lunar power at night and solar power by the day so that it doesn't release harmful fumes into the environment! Gotta protect the ozone, you know!"

"No," Candace said firmly. "You're not building any crazy contraptions on my watch."

Phineas snickered. "That's such a funny saying! As if you were really standing on a watch! Hey, that reminds me, we should keep on the lookout for tornadoes! You never know when one of 'em will come up and get ya!" As soon as he said "get ya", he threw his arms back and started tickling Isabella, who sat behind him.

"Phineas, calm down!" Irving told him. "You're going to cause an accident!"

"Accident!" Phineas cried. "Scientists try to say that the whole universe was created by an accident! But do you know what I think?"

"Don't tell me," Candace started.

"I think it was made by the best Artist ever! Better than Norman Rockwell, or Leonardo Di Vinci, or—Hey, that guy just made an illegal U-turn!"

"So will we, if you don't pipe down!" Candace shouted. She checked to make sure he was buckled before turning back to the road. "Just sit there and don't say anything."

"You got it!" Phineas kicked the air with his feet, as if he were on an invisible bicycle, probably in an effort to release some of that teeming energy. "I'm great at shutting up—I could make a living off of it! I'm really good at it! Ferb and I even invented this game called 'Zip It'—though he always wins, 'cause, I mean, come _on!_ He's Ferb! But, no, I'm not like those people who just talk, and talk, and talk—I can be quiet as a mouse! Hey! Wanna play a game?"

_"No,"_ Candace grumbled, about ready to start tearing her hair out.

I will spare you the gory details of the next three minutes before Candace realized that we were low on gas and pulled into the nearest station. While she filled up the car, Phineas was scribbling furiously in his notebook (Irving had given it to him to shut him up). But it wasn't enough: he wanted to _do_ something, and when Phineas has a brainstorm _and_ a sugar rush, you had better run for cover.

**_~Candace's POV~_**

While the car filled up, I went in to buy a CD to play so that I wouldn't have to listen to my brother's inane rants and questions while I drove. When I got back, paid for the gas, and slid back into the driver' seat, I knew something was wrong.

"Where's Phineas?" I demanded.

Everyone stared at the floor until Buford pointed up. At that moment I heard a clattered above me. I stepped outside and saw Phineas on the roof of the car attaching a huge, scary contraption to it.

"Hey, Candace!" he chirped, standing dangerously close to the edge. "I'm helping!"

_He's lost it_.

"Phineas, get down from there!"

"Candace, don't you see?" he asked. "I've hooked this rocket up to our car to help us get there faster! It's perfectly safe! It'll cause the car to hover above the road about ten feet, so we can drive over the speed limit without actually breaking the law! See? See? See?"

"Phineas Flynn, you get down from there right now!"

"Sure thing, sis!" He disappeared behind the rocket for a brief instant before I heard his door shutting. Then I got back into the car and buckled up.

"You are _so_ busted when we get home," I grumbled. But then I froze. I saw smoke in the rearview mirror. "Phineas, what were you doing on the other side of that rocket?"

Phineas flashed me a goofy smile and clapped his hands together excitedly. "Lighting it. Why?"

The car exploded forward. Everything was a blur outside of the windows. We all screamed. I felt like we were being lifted into the air—we _were._ Then it started rattling and quivering violently, rocking from side to side.

"It's not supposed to do that," Phineas said clinging to the armrests of his seat.

Oh, crud. If _he's_ scared, I'm terrified.

And _then_ the little gremlin unrolled his window and lifted his foot out.

"What are you doing?!" I shrieked.

"I have to detach the rocket!" he explained with haste. "It has an almost infinite supply of fuel! If I don't, it'll keep going for miles!"

"If you think I'm gonna let you climb out of that window, mister—"

But he looked at me with urgency. "Candace, I have to! It's just come to my attention that this may not be an ordinary rocket!"

"What does that mean?"

"It may actually be a huge firecracker."

"What?!" I shrieked. "Phineas, how could you mess something up that bad?"

"Aah!" Phineas exclaimed throwing his hands over his head in frustration. "Ferb always handles the explosives! I'm not used to working solo!"

"Someone, _do_ something!" someone cried from behind.

I stole a glance back to check on the other kids. Isabella and Irving were holding hands, and Buford was crying and hugging Baljeet, who was screaming prayers in Hindi.

"I'm sorry!" Buford sobbed. "I didn't know he would get this bad! I just wanted have a few laughs!"

"What do_ you_ have to do with anything?" I demanded.

"I gave Dinnerbell soda!" the guy shouted out guiltily.

"You _what_?!"

"Candace!" Phineas brought my attention back to the rocket. "I have to detach the rocket _now_!"

I bit my lip. If he fell, Mom and Dad would kill me. "Okay, fine!" He disappeared out the window. I stared after him, praying that nothing would go wrong.

The car jolted. I heard him yelping.

_"He fell! I know it! He fell! I am a horrible sister for letting him go up there!"_

My stomach jumped up into my throat. We weren't going forward anymore: we were just falling straight down. In from Phineas' window I saw a hand reach for a big red button on the dashboard. A parachute popped out from the back of the car, and we glided down and landed perfectly in front of a red light. Then he clambered back into the car, strapped himself in as quick as lightning, and sank deeply into his chair.

"Way to go, Dinnerbell!" Buford barked in a blaming voice, as if he had had nothing at all to do with the incident. "You almost killed us!"

I glared down at him. Through clenched teeth, I hissed, "Phineas Flynn, buckle your seatbelt."

"I was just trying to help—" Phineas started, but I cut him off.

"Don't say another word until we find Ferb. Got that?"

He didn't say anything.

"I said, have you _got that_?"

He looked up at me and nodded.

Oh, right. I just told him not to say anything. Well, good. He was listening. Now, maybe we could get to Meentown in silence… and in one piece.

**For some reason it won't let me seperate these notes from the actual story. :( Anyway. Poor Phinny. He was just trying to help. :( It was Buford's fault anyway. Candace needs to loosen up a little... **

**Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! 3**


	7. NOT TWELVE

**Wow, like four chapters in one day! I am on a roll! Enjoy! ~~~**

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

As soon as I got to the town, I followed the signal until I saw the car we had constructed for Vanessa in the parking lot of some night club. I parked my bike and hopped off, hanging my helmet on the handlebars. Then coming around the back, I knocked on the door of the trunk. No answer. I produced my spare key and unlocked it after knocking again and still receiving no answer, only to find that it was empty. All that remained was a shiny, black cell phone. She _had_ been here. But she no longer was. The only way to find her now was to look for her (a very obvious method). But since I could _never_ enter a night club alone, I decided to check the nearest allies and I prayed that she was there.

It was a while before I broke through. And I couldn't have seen anything that would make me happier than the three shadows which trembled in the dim street light. I ducked behind a cluster of trash cans and peered into the alley. Three men stood there over a squirming sack.

Vanessa.

I would have bolted from my hiding place and raced to her rescue, but the sound of approaching footsteps warned me against this and reminded me of the first rule of spydome; the rule that my family has had a history of breaking: never get emotionally involved in your mission. I forced myself to focus on the tall, ominous figure that stepped into the light. It was a teenage boy with long, flat-ironed bangs covering one of his round eyes. Purple streaks in his jet-black locks lead me to the observation that he must have been some punk-rocker wannabe.

"Hey, boss!" the biggest thug greeted. "We got her, just like you—"

"Numbskull," the punk moaned. "You spoiled my entrance. I was gonna surprise her with evil laughter that starts out soft, and then gets louder and more crazed."

The sack writhed and shouted something.

"Get rid of the bag," the punk ordered.

Two of his goons peeled away the sack, revealing the damsel in distress. Her hands were bound behind her back, and her feet were tied as well. She squinted in the light at the punk-rocker who grinned evilly before her. "…Johnny?" Her jaw went slack.

_Then_ the guy burst into laughter, and his mates joined him. "I can't believe she never caught on!" he chortled.

"I still don't get it," Vanessa admitted. "Who are these guys, Johnny? What are they gonna do to me?"

"You saw something you weren't supposed to see, sweetheart," the guy said casually. "We were forced to take action—and _you_."

So, this was Johnny… I didn't like him.

**_~Vanessa' POV~_**

"But I don't understand," I said, still trying to make sense of it all. "For a while, I thought you were different."

"I _am_ different," Johnny assured me. "I'm evil. I tried to make you evil, too, but then you went to Paris with that Freb guy, and ever since then, all you talked about was how much fun you had, and then when he built you that car—which I'm gonna keep for myself, 'cause I like it—it was the last straw. You could have had so much, V: money, power, me; but you threw that away for a twelve-year-old who's 'two inches too short to ride the Red Streak.'"

"I'm _not_ twelve!"

The lid of a trash can shot out of nowhere, spinning at him like an out of control Frisbee. It hit him smack-dab in the middle of the forehead and proceeded to bounce off and hit one of the other guys, too, and knock them both to the ground. There was this flash of black and green. Another guy fell on his knees and toppled over, and the third one flipped into the air and landed amongst the piles of trash.

Johnny clambered to his feet, cradling his head. When he removed his hand, I saw that a bulging purple-red mark was already protruding from the contact point. He glared about with furious eyes, searching the shadowed nooks and crannies for whoever had assaulted him and tainted his victory.

"Did you see that?" he asked me, as if I would answer after what he did. He reached for the nearest object capable of inflicting pain, a long, metal pipe, and raised it high above his head like a dented baseball bat.

The tension mounted when nothing happened. You could almost hear Johnny's heart throbbing, the cause being an emotion that I had never seen him experience before: fear. Then there was a clatter which echoed off the dirty, brick walls that enclosed us from sight in this roofless, dead-end tunnel. It was as if whoever had attacked was trying to psych Johnny out; to make him so jumpy that he'd attack his own shadow if he saw it moving out of the corner of his eye. Well, it was working: he was getting anxious, and he disguised it with anger.

"Show yourself, you loser!" he screamed, glancing all around.

Nothing happened. And then from the darkness in the farthest corner of the alley, a shadow broke away from the rest. In the feeble, gold illumination from the nearby streetlights, it grew larger and larger. As my fallen captors one by one began to rise again, none of them regaining a smidgen of their courage, a voice arose like a steady wind.

"I am _not_ twelve," it said. It was smooth and deep and British; I wasn't sure if the chills I got from the cold air or something else. And I remember thinking how strangely… familiar it sounded. "I am fifteen and one half, actually. If you would waste less time bedeviling innocent women, you might have stopped and taken a better look at me. And if you stand there another second, cowering in your cheap, worn shoes, you most certainly will get a view of me—up _close_ and _personal_. This I promise you, sirs."

Johnny's goons cried out in terror.

"It's scary!"

"It's British!"

"It knows that my shoes are rip-offs!"

"Let's run away! I don't want to appear weak by crying in front of him!"

They all turned tail and fled into the night.

"Get back here, you cowards!" Johnny screamed with rage, but it was only an instant before he dashed after them. The metal pipe he had been employing as a club fell to the floor clanging like a bell. Wind tossed about my hair as I sat there and watched it roll into the menacing shadow which had saved me. I wondered if I was in even greater danger now when pale fingers reached out of the darkness and picked the hollow pole up and tapped it repeatedly in one hand.

Mustering up the firmest voice I could, I asked, "Who are you?"

The human-shaped, ebony patch on the sidewalk grew as it neared me, but shadows are odd things. They can plays tricks on your eyes, pretending to belong to someone tall and dangerous, but when their person steps into the light, you might be surprised. Shadows are funny like that.

So are boys.

"Ferb?" I squeaked, my jaw probably getting scraped up on the sidewalk where it landed. I noticed how different he looked in those all-black clothing which kinda matched my own. The leather jacket was a nice touch, and the dark, concealing shades added just a touch of mystery. His tight, knitted cap hid almost all of his green hair, but I could still tell him by his rectangular body.

"You saved me?"

No answer (as usual, when it comes to him). He raced to my side now and used a silver, glinting pocketknife to cut my bonds. Then, taking my hand, he led me out of the alley. We ran, just ran, hand in hand. I didn't know where we were going, or what had just happened, or how he had gotten to me in time, but he seemed to know where he was going, so I kept quiet and let him take me on. It felt like an eternity, and my back was really hurting from having to bend down to reach his hand, but we found the car he'd built me in an empty parking lot and threw open the doors. It didn't click that _he_ was in the driver's seat until we were already tearing down the road, just barely below the speed limit.

"Whoa—hey! Only people with a license can drive!"

Without a word, without taking his eyes off the road, he dug into the pocket of his jacket and produced a wallet. He opened it with one hand and lifted a card into my view.

_F. E. R. B. Fletcher_

It had his picture, gender, home state, and date of birth. Then he put it away and directed his attention back to the road ahead. There was a silence (again, that isn't uncommon for him). Then I spoke up.

"What the heck was that? How did you know I was in trouble, and how, tell me, _how_ did you learn to fight like that?"

Then he pulled a weird-looking device out of his pocket that looked like a handheld video game and handed it to me. I turned it over in my hands and squinted at the screen: a bird's eye view of my car on the rode was playing. First, I didn't really get it, but then it clicked.

"You were tracking me?"

He looked as uncomfortable as he did when the day he gave me the car and Johnny called, but he nodded to confirm my question.

I shook my head with confusion, "I don't understand. Why would you do something like that? Are you in league with them? Why were you following me?"

Ferb spoke now, "I was not following you. When you were captured, you bumped speed dial on your phone and called me, and I could hear that you were in danger."

"Why did you build a tracking device into my car?"

"The chances of death by car accident are grow higher every year," he answered. "I was… looking out for you."

I had nothing to say to that. He didn't seem like a threat—I mean, he was only fifteen and a half—but I had to keep in mind that he was tracking me and had just made men, like, four times his size run away in mad terror. Maybe they had been afraid for good reason. Maybe _I_ should have been afraid.

"Pull over," I ordered. When he glanced at me questioningly, I told him again. "Pull over. I wanna get out."

"And go where?"

Now _I_ was the silent one.

"Who were those men?" he asked. "Why did they want you?"

"I don't know," I said. "I filmed them doing something illegal." I decided to go into more detail. "I was at the Share n' Care Charity Organization Donation Center. It was closed, so when I heard someone coming in, I ducked behind the curtains. Then I saw these two guys break open the donation box and empty all of the money into a sack. While they were busy, they went over their whole plan right in front of me, They were all, like, 'Thanks to that idiot who won the lottery and donated all of the money to this charity, we'll be able to bribe them to stuff the ballet box so that Rick Sandler can win the election for sure.'"

"Well, actually, we didn't donate all of it," Ferb corrected. "Some of it went toward your car."

I raised my eyebrows and gave him a lasting stare. "Aren't you a little young to win the lottery?"

The shadow of a smile curled around his lips. "Yes. Yes, we are."

I shook my head. "Whatever. Anyway, so, I got their whole evil plan on film, and I was ready to leave, my cell phone started ringing. Then they got me. They knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in the back of a car. I heard someone saying my name from my cell phone: I guess that turned out to be you and not Norm—he's my dad's talking robot who wants to be a real boy. Dad just calls him_ junk pile_, and I don't think that's fair because I've always kind of seen him as a brother, you know? Like, I never had any siblings 'cause Mom and Dad used to fight. I used to get depressed, 'cause they did it in front of my friends, and even in front of that secret agent who fights my dad, and, like, I always get stuck helping my dad with his crazy inventions. Like, this one time, he gave himself millions of paper cuts, and then when I went camping with my punk-rocker friends, he disguised himself as a hippie and…" I froze when I realized how crazy I must have sounded. Why was I even talking so much? I didn't even really know the guy. I guess I was just scared. Maybe he made me feel safer, if that makes any sense.

Another awkward absence of speech followed. I was beginning to hate these frequent moments in which no one said anything, especially since I do sometimes talk too much when I'm wound up.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

Ferb handed me a folded-up map from the glove compartment.

"Great," I muttered.

**~~~ Omigosh! Johnny's the BAD GUY?! A round of applause to anyone who saw ****_that _****coming! Heheh, Ferb is a little touchy about people getting his age wrong. But he's oozing swag in this chapter. B-) Review for your very own virtual nacho platter! (Note: virtual nachos are not edible.)**


	8. Meentown

**Hey, guys! I'm back after a short break! Here's the next installment. It might get a little confusing because everyone started fighting over POV's, but some important themes start moving forward in this one. Enjoy!~~~**

**_~Irving's POV~_**

It was a relief when we saw lights on the horizon. Soon we were pulling into a beat-up, old town. A sign was posted on the side of the road. Bold letters said:

** "You've made it to Meentown. Now, SCRAM!"**

"_'Meantown'_ is misspelled," Baljeet pointed out.

"Hey, it was written by bullies," Buford said with a shrug. "You can't expect perfection."

A big, meaty guy with a buzz-cut came up to my window from out of nowhere. "Hey, nerds!" he shouted. "You picked the wrong place for summer vacation! Why don't you go back to the science fair? Bwah ha ha ha!"

On instinct, Candace reached over Phineas and locked his door, and then made sure to check her own.

**_~Buford's POV~_**

I was so glad to finally get back to my roots. It really brought me back. Everywhere I looked there were bullies hanging wimps from flagpoles by their underpants. The smell of peanut butter was overwhelming—

**_~Irving's POV~_**

Hey, I haven't gotten to narrate long enough yet!

**_~Buford's POV~_**

No one's interested in what you have to say, nerd.

**_~Irving's POV~_**

That isn't fair! I have just as much right to narrate as you!

**_~Baljeet's POV~_**

Well, why don't we let Isabella narrate? After all, she hasn't gotten to at all yet.

**_~Isabella's POV~_**

Thank you, Baljeet!

My life is amazing. It's been that way ever since I met Phineas.

Oh, Phineas. What is it about him that makes my heart throb so? Is it how cute he looks? Is it the funny way he speaks? His good heart? I wished I knew. But more than anything, I wished _he_ knew.

But I'm getting sidetracked here. This is Ferb's story: I just play a part in it.

I was slightly uneasy about entering a town in which Buford felt at home, but I was mostly focused on Phineas, who had been silent ever since the rocket incident. He absentmindedly scratched Perry behind the ears, looking a little worried, and I could tell that he was kinda down, so I managed to meet his eyes and gave him an encouraging grin. His face brightened a little, and he crossed his eyes at me. I giggled.

"What are _you_ so happy about?" Baljeet asked, despair thick in his voice. "We are all going to get atomic wedgies! I am too young for natal cleft surgery!"

"Why would Ferb come to a place like this?" Irving voiced. "It's awful!"

"It's paradise!" Buford exclaimed. "I feel so alive and welcome!"

"Guys, quiet down back there," Candace ordered. "And keep your eyes peeled for Ferb."

I gazed out the window. I suppose I'll give you a description of the town. Well, there were heavy guys with buzz cuts and skull T-shirts on every corner. Some of them had smaller guys on leashes and were dragging them across the sidewalk. Others were giving guys with glasses wet-willies and carrying them by their underwear like live purses. I could sense Baljeet shivering behind me.

It really looked like nobody had bothered trying to repair the town since the Wedgie War of 1919. All of the buildings were beat-up and covered with graffiti; some of them were only half there. The lighting was terrible: yellow-bulbed streetlights which lined every sidewalk made it possible to see about twelve inches beyond your nose. Evil laughter and squeaky, pleading voices, and the occasional scream, were the only sounds.

Baljeet gasped. "I just saw my cousin!"

Minutes passed. We had turned down many streets before Candace admitted she had no idea where we were.

"Go down past this flagpole and you'll come to Crushthelosers Way," Buford directed her. "Of course, if you want to get to the Wimp Embassy, you should probably take Stolenunderpants Drive."

"Take me now," Baljeet whimpered. "Take me now, please!"

Movement in the passenger seat stole my immediate attention. Phineas had shifted his position to get a better look out his window. I sighed. He looked so cute when he pressed his giant nose up against the glass.

**_~Buford's POV~_**

You're disgusting.

**_~Isabella's POV~_**

Hey, _I'm_ the narrator: not you.

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

I stalked across the room…

**_~Buford's POV~_**

Get outta here, mister!

**_~Stacy's POV~_**

Hey, can I narrate now?

**_~Irving's POV~_**

You're not even in this story!

**_~Stacy's POV~_**

I was earlier.**__**

~Phineas' POV~

Guys! Guys! I think we should let someone else have a turn: someone who hasn't said anything the entire story, but who's been here all along.

**_~Perry's POV~_**

My life is dangerous. It started out dangerous, and then in an instant, it was pushed over the edge.

To whom it may concern, the only way this whole narration business is possible for me is due to the Mindreader, a brilliant device that our very own Phineas and Ferb constructed so that I can think my side of the story to you—thanks, guys!

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

No problem, buddy!

**_~Perry's POV~_**

Now, I don't want to create a huge interruption from Ferb's story right now, but let me take this opportunity to introduce myself. Hello, everyone. My name is Perry the Platypus…**__**

~Major Monogram's POV~

You can call him Agent P.

**_~Carl's POV~_**

Sir, I think the theme song covers that.**__**

~Major Monogram's POV~

I'm just trying to get my screen time, Carl.

**_~Carl's POV~_**

Same here, sir.

**_~Perry's POV~_**

Ahem. Where was I? Oh, yes: my life is dangerous. Always has been, and probably, hopefully, always will be. That's the way I like it. You see, I am a secret agent. The only member of my host family who knew that at the time was Ferb. The kid and I had worked together a few times prior to my moving in with his family, but it was only after I became their pet that we became, really, best friends.

Now, I was trying not to kick myself for not being the first to notice his absence. I mean, how would you feel if you had your own theme song about how razor-sharp your reflexes are, but completely missed it when one of the two people who matter most to you in the whole world up and left in the middle of the night? And I know it isn't part of my job to protect them, but with the perils of my occupation always waiting to bite me in the tail, I had appointed myself as their official guardian. And since Ferb was MIA, Phineas was my first priority.

So, I sat there in his lap pretending to be a mindless animal, and he stroked me fondly with one hand and used the other on which to rest the space-between-his-mouth-and-neck (no, I don't mean his chin: he doesn't have one of those). At the same time, I stared out the window in search of any signs or indications that my other boy was out there.

At the same time, Phineas and I noticed a familiar-looking black car with two familiar-looking passengers. My heart leapt up into my throat.

What was Ferb doing with the daughter of my nemesis?!

I could feel Phineas' body tensing up in excitement. But he refrained from crying out because of Candace's command to keep quiet. So, he twisted around in his seat and tapped his older sister on the shoulder.

"Not now, Phineas," Candace sighed tiredly.

But Phineas persisted. He tapped harder.

"Ouch!" cried Candace. "Will you knock it off?"

Phineas said something to her in Sign Language that I'm sure she didn't catch.

"No, we're not stopping for snacks," said Candace.

Phineas reached over and pinched her arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

He gestured to the breaks with his head.

"Phineas, just spit it out!" Candace ordered at her wit's end. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Frank Edmund Robert Bond Fletcher sighting!" Phineas exploded, waving his arms frantically.

"What the heck does that mean?" Candace asked.

"I! Saw! Ferb!" Phineas cried. "He's driving a car! _Without a remote control!"_

Everyone in the car gasped in unison. They all looked to the right, and sure enough, Ferb sat in the front seat of that big, black SUV that the boys had built, gripping the steering wheel. He nodded in response to something that the girl in the passenger seat said to him. She was frowning over a map and seemed to be trying to convince him of something by the way she kept pointing at the paper.

"Is that Vanessa?" Isabella asked.

They all tried to get his attention.

"Ferb! Ferb! It's us! Pull over!"

Baljeet shrieked. "There's someone in the street!"

The car gave a sickening jolt. Candace clenched down on the breaks. The stop was sudden and hard on all our necks.

"Everyone okay?" Candace asked.

She received a general yes from the passengers.

Undoing her seatbelt, Candace threw open her door and dropped to her knees in front of the car. "Oh, my gosh," we heard her say.

"Did we hit someone?" Isabella asked.

"Perry, come back here!"

I hopped out through the driver's door and crawled underneath the car. The estranged voice that greeted me caught me utterly off my guard.

"A platypus?"

With a drawn-out sigh, I placed my fedora upon my blue head.

"_Perry _the Platypus?!"

Yes, you guessed it. Candace had just run over my nemesis with the car.

"Hey, mister, are you okay?" Candace asked.

"Huh?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz moaned. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I always get run over. Last time it was a bus, and before then, it was my ex-wife."

After quickly removing my hat to guard my identity, I watched warily as Candace helped him to get out from under the car and stand up. He brushed himself off as she demanded, "What kind of freak are you to just walk out into the middle of oncoming traffic? I could have squished you! What were you thinking?"

"I am _not_ a freak," my nemesis grumbled. "I was looking for my daughter. She never came home, so I tracked her here until my Locate-inator exploded."

"You put a tracking device on your daughter?"

"Yeah, I had some parts leftover from my last Inator." He stretched his arms and then sighed. "Well, thanks for getting that crick out of my back, kid, but now I have to get on with finding my daughter."

Phineas stuck his head out of his window. "You lost your daughter? We lost our Ferb."

"What's a Ferb?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"It's an acronym," Phineas answered. "It's also the name of my stepbrother. Hey, maybe we can help each other."

_No, no, no! Uh-oh! Bad! Bad! Not him! Anyone but him!_

"Sure," said Doof. "I'm tired of riding my robot anyway."

"You have a robot?" Phineas asked. "Cool!"

"Yeah, you're gonna love this," said Doof. He whistled. "Hey, Norm! Come and meet these kids!"

"Kids?" an overly happy tone asked. My nemesis' creation strode up to the car. "My name is Norm. I enjoy writing poetry, taking long walks, and playing catch with my dad."

"I already told you, I'm not your father, you walking junk pile," Doof barked.

"Wicked!" Buford said, stepping out. "Maybe it can help us find Ferb."

"Speaking of Ferb," Phineas said with disappointment, "we lost him."

"No worries," said Doof. "If the car has a GPS system, I can hack into it and turn it into a tracking device."

"Sweet!" said Buford.

_"No, not sweet!"_ I thought. _"Terrible!"_ I had to get rid of him before he did anything.

"Whatever," said Candace. "Everyone back in the car!"

"Bossy," Doofenshmirtz murmured as he climbed into the car.

For lack of seating, the evil scientist was forced to sit in that space behind all of the seats that people usually keep luggage in. Norm sat on top of the car. As Phineas scooped me back up into his arms, one thing was very clear to me: my life was about to get a whole lot more dangerous.

**~~~ Yay! We're all together now (except for Ferb and Vanessa)! Things are really moving now! LOL to Isabella in this chapter, all starry-eyed. My little bro and sis thought all the swapping of POV's was hilarious. I think it's one of their (and my) favorite chapters. XD More to come! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! :D**


	9. I Kidnapped You to Keep You Safe

**Here's a pretty long one, with lots of action (and some Ferbnessa going on there. :D ) Enjoy! ~~~**

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

"You're gonna miss it. It's right here on the map. Who are you gonna believe: the GPS or me?"

I remained silent, conveying my answer.

"Gah! Men are impossible!" Vanessa dramatically threw herself back against her seat. "You just gonna get us lost."

Pfft. Women. Ever since the nineteenth century, they've thought they don't need us men, but where would they be without someone to kill spiders and find out what that noise downstairs was? I knew exactly where I was going.

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

Ugh! Men are useless! They're so stubborn and stuck-up, and they know it, and they do it just because they can! With a groan I tossed the map on the floor. At least within the next thirty minutes, I'd be at my dad's apartment, and I could complain to him and eat more ice cream straight from the container.

Mmm. Frozen clumps of strawberry sounded really good right now.

Whoa, _what_ did that sign back there say? I looked at Ferb. "Danville isn't this way."

Ferb shook his head.

"So, where are you taking me?"

"Your captives may be searching for you," said Ferb. "It would be wise not to return home just yet."

"I don't really see the point," I said with a shrug. "Johnny isn't that smart." I laughed when scenes from earlier played out in my mind. "Did you see the look on his face back in the alley? You are my hero for making him run away like that! And how on earth did you take those guys out? Are you a Jedi, or something?"

Ferb shook his head, slightly pink in the cheeks from the "hero" remark.

"Then, you must have taken a self-defense class, right?" I asked.

With each renewed shake of his head, my smile faded in greater measure. "Well, then… where did you learn all that? Are you, like, a superhero?"

Again, his head wagged back and forth, his eyes never pealing away from the road.

A knot formed in the deepest pit of my stomach. I was on the edge of feeling something a bit less than safe, especially with a question which I was afraid to ask beginning to take shape in my mind. What I had seen back there was nothing that you could just teach yourself, even for someone as amazingly gifted as this guy apparently was. In fact, some of those moves had almost looked like the kind of kicks and chops from those movies about the guy who lost his memory and discovered little by little that he was a government-trained assassin. "Ferb…" I said hesitantly. "Are you, like, in league with them?"

This time Ferb shook his head so vigorously that I believed him without doubt. So, he wasn't with Johnny. But just because Ferb wasn't with Johnny didn't mean he wasn't some kind of professional. I swallowed and turned to him slowly. "Ferb… you're… not some kind of assassin are you?"

Ferb glanced at me briefly from the brim of his eye without tilting his head toward me. I would have given anything for him to shake his head there, or to speak up, but I didn't get my wish. He directed his gaze determinedly on the road ahead and maybe gripped the steering wheel just a bit tighter. Now the only movement within the car was the dangling of the fuzzy, pink dice from the rearview mirror, and the only sound was my breath.

Then, to some effect of relief, he spoke, his voice as soft as usual: "No. No, I wasn't an assassin, really. I never killed anyone. I only protected." His eyes skirted to me. "And that part of my profession I never gave up. But I'm sorry: I can say no more, or risk bringing you to harm."

"So, it's, _if I tell you, then I'll have to kill you_?"

He nodded.

So, that cryptic reply didn't really make me feel much better. In fact, now I wanted more than anything to get the heck out of this guy's company. "Pull over," I ordered.

His eyes questioned me.

"Pull over. I want to have the driver's seat."

Ferb shook his head.

"What do you mean, no? It's my car."

"I must keep you safe," Ferb said (did he always use as few words as possible?).

"I can keep myself safe: I'm a big girl. Pull over, Ferb."

Ferb pressed his lips into a stubborn line and shook his head firmly.

I sighed. "Oh, come on. Really?" I held out my hand. "Give. If you're gonna kidnap me too, you can at least give me my phone call."

Ferb shook his head.

I went for his pocket. In a flash, he had my phone raised high above his head. I reached for it again. It was in his other hand now. Man, he was fast.

Okay. Taking a deep breath through my nose to keep from bursting with irritation, I reached for it as fast as I could… and still he evaded me! I crossed my arms over my chest. It was obvious I wasn't going to get anywhere with him.

"Please don't get upset," Ferb said to me, sort of in a pleading way. "I kidnapped you to keep you safe."

"Yeah, well, honestly I don't feel too safe, Ferb," I said. I heaved a long, heavy, disgruntled sigh. First my ex-boyfriend, and now this guy. Well, it was better than rattling around in the back of a car. After taking a deep breath and letting it out, I asked, "Where are we going?"

"The GPS said that there is a motel not far from here," Ferb replied.

I pressed my forehead up against the glass of my window and blew on it, fogging it up. "Great."

~O~

As we pulled into the parking lot, a weathered sign greeted us: "Welcome to the S.L.A.V.E. Motel."

We parked and he came around to open my door for me. I hopped out. After shutting my door we walked across the vacant lot to the entrance. Ferb opened one of the glass doors and looked at me. I was confused for a minute there.

"Why are you just standing there?"

"I was raised," Ferb said, "to treat ladies with respect. You may enter first."

"Oh," was all I could say. Johnny had never behaved this gentlemanly before. At least he was a polite kidnapper. "Thanks." I went in and he followed me, and together we walked up to the front desk.

The guy who worked there looked as ancient as the motel furnishings. He slept with his head on the big desk. When Ferb cleared his throat, the guy jerked up and said in a toneless voice, "Welcome to the Super Lame Awful Very Egg Motel, where our motto is, 'It's better than sleeping in the dirt, sorta.'"

We stared at him.

"Egg?" I said after a silence. "Really?"

"I didn't name it," the guy said.

I shook my head. "Whatever. Me and my…"

"Boyfriend…" Ferb suggested.

"…_Brother_…" I said hastily. But wait: he looks nothing like me.

"Cousin," said Ferb.

"Nephew," I said. No that sounded stupid.

"Second cousin."

"Half-brother."

Then, at the same time, we said, "Friend." That was the one.

"Me and my _friend_ need two rooms."

"One room," Ferb corrected.

"_Two_ rooms," I emphasized.

The guy at the desk gave us a weird look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," we said together. We looked at each other.

"Yes," I said. "We're sure."

The clerk sighed tiredly. "All right." He rang the old, silver bell at his desk. We waited for a few seconds, but no one came. Then the man grabbed a ring of keys, put on a bellhop's hat, and gestured for us to follow him, "Right this way." He led us up the stairs and down a dark hall. He unlocked our doors and then gave us the keys. "Lock 'em up when you leave." With that he returned to the lobby.

Ferb and I stared at each other for a long time after that. I really didn't like it when he was silent. It made me feel like I had to say something all the time.

"Why one room?" I finally asked.

"Your captors may return," Ferb said bravely. "I want to keep you safe."

I threw my head back and sighed, too exhausted to put up a fight, so I gave in. "Fine. Come on in." His face lit up and he opened the door. Again, he stood there waiting.

Oh, right. Ladies first. Cute. I went in, and then he locked the door and behind us and we surveyed the cramped room. A black comforter covered the bed, which was mostly concealed from view by a royal purple canopy, and the old, shabby curtains were made from black lace. The walls were painted a dark purple color. Dead black flowers sat in a vase on the bedside table. There was this old, scarlet sofa beneath the window at the far end of the room that didn't really match anything else. An old, gothic mirror was hung above the bed; it was covered in dust and cobwebs, as was everything else in the room.

"It's… It's…" I took a turn around the room. "It's gorgeous! It looks like my room back at Dad's!"

Ferb stared at me. I couldn't tell what this stare meant, but I guessed it was a mixture of surprise and… amusement, maybe? I expected him to give up the bed for me—he was, after all, a gentleman of a sort—but I never anticipated his next most curious act of chivalry. He snatched a throw pillow and a thin blanket from the sofa, and then with a short bow, he went into the bathroom and set up his bed in the tub.

"You can have the couch," I said, not really knowing what to make of it. "You _are_ my kidnapper: I don't think the rules apply."

But Ferb plainly shook his head. Then he waved me good night and shut the door. I heard him fiddling with the shower curtain for a few seconds before all went silent.

"Good night," I spoke at the door, though I knew he couldn't hear me now. What a strange guy.

Without bothering to brush my teeth—considering the bathroom now doubled as a bedroom, I kicked off my shoes, twitched off my jacket, and dove into bed. As I nestled the covers up to my chin, I sighed with exhaustion as scenes from today played throughout my brain.

Kidnapped by my ex-boyfriend, rescued and kidnapped again by a green-haired, British ninja… Could my life get any stranger? As I drifted off to dreamland, I tried to make sense of everything, and as much as I hate to admit it, I fell asleep thinking about this that boy, and I pondered why all guys couldn't be as polite as him. I wondered why all guys couldn't be more like this… Ferb.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

I'll spare you any boring details about my surroundings and just say that I lay down with a sigh onto the hard surface of the bathtub, thinking to myself how weird my day had been. Well, I thought, I guess I'll file this under the "typical for my life" kind of weird once again. As well, the guilt of my risky, impulsive actions was beginning to prick me in the stomach. Holding Vanessa against her will wasn't a very noble act, I knew, but I had to be sure she was in no more peril. Phineas would be terribly upset with me, no doubt, saying nothing about Candace and Perry. Oh, if only my brother had never conceived that ridiculous plan to give Vanessa the number to my…

Cell phone.

Perhaps I wasn't as helpless as I had initially thought.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

My life was lonely. It started out that way, and then it got better. As I sat on the top of the car, I began to see the world in a whole new—

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

We had been driving for hours. My plan to hack into the GPS system of Vanessa's car had not gone very well. Eventually the teenage girl, whose name turned out to be Candace, announced that we couldn't go on any longer. First she got a lot of protesting from the little pointy-headed kid, but he fell asleep a few minutes later, just like the rest of his friends. We pulled into this ancient-looking motel and checked in. Candace tried to make me carry in that the little Hindi boy and the kid with glasses (both had fallen asleep), but I made Norm do it. I don't remember much from after that.

**_~Buford's POV~_**

I do. The pharmacist fell asleep in the lobby and I was forced to carry him to his room. Then Isabella, who was carrying Dinnerbell, fell asleep in the hallway, so I took Smiley to the room which I shared with the two nerds, and Candace carried Isabella to her room. So, it was divided like this: the pharmacist and his robot in one room, the rest of us guys—platypus included—in another, and Candace and Isabella in their own girls-only room. For sleeping arrangements, I took the bed all to myself, and since the others were all sleeping, I had fun putting them in weird positions. I hung Baljeet from the canopy, and shoved Irving into the bedside table drawer, and I couldn't get Dinnerbell to fit under the couch (and his platypus bit me when I tried), so I put him in the bathtub. Then, I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

You know how it is to have one of those relatives who will, in order to wake you up on a Sunday morning, throw open the curtains to let blinding sunlight scorch your eyes out? That's how I felt when I woke up at five in the a.m. in a bathtub with the light of my cell phone screaming in my face. Perry was holding in it his mouth. I squinted at the illuminated screen: "You have 1 unread message(s)."

Huh? Who had texted me at five in the morning? But my heart skipped a beat. My eyelids were heavy no longer. I knew before I clicked "open" whom the text had come from.

_"Don't worry. Safe. Will explain l8r. –Ferb."_

"'Will explain later'?" I asked Perry. "How about in ten seconds?" Wishing I had thought of this earlier, I punched in Ferb's number and waited restlessly for him to pick up.

_Ring… ring… ring… click._

The silence on the other end of the phone was the best sound I had heard in a long time.

"Ferb, where are you, bro?" I asked, trying to keep my voice down (I guess it was more out of habit than of not wanting to wake anyone). "Everyone is worried sick about you! We even got this pharmacist and his robot joined in on the search party! Where are you?"

Ferb answered, _"I'm on a rescue mission."_

"Really?" I asked. "Cool! Tell me where you are; I'll meet up with you! Is it a damsel in distress? I saw you earlier on the road with some girl, but I couldn't…" The memory of what I had seen came speeding back to me. "You were _driving_, Ferb! That's one of our biggest rules! How could you break it? I thought we _always_ played by the rules. What's going on?"

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

"I'll explain soon," I promised him.

_"No, you can explain now."_

Ouch. Phineas didn't often use that tone of voice with anyone, much less me.

_"I think we all deserve some answers," he said, "especially after you lied to me, broke curfew, ran away on a_ motorcycle_—which I didn't even know you_ had_—and then Candace started shouting at everyone, and then there was the soda, and the rocket, which turned out to be a firecracker—how was I supposed to tell the difference, anyway?"_

"Well, actually—" I started, but he cut me off.

_"Where are you, Ferb?"_

"I can't tell you. We're in danger."

_"Who's we?"_

"Vanessa and I."

_"Why are you with Vanessa?"_

"I kidnapped her to save her from her ex-boyfriend."

_"You _what_?! Where are you?"_

"In a bathtub at some motel."

_"…Huh. You don't say? Me too. What's the decorating like?"_

"It's all Goth."

There was a pause over at his end. _"Interesting,"_ he said. _"Now, dish!"_

"I can't say much," I said. "I found out she was in danger, and I came to rescue her."

_"Without me?"_ He sounded especially hurt by this.

"Phineas, you don't understand. She was in real danger."

_"So, you're saying you only trust me to come through in fake danger?"_

"No, that isn't it at all." Honestly, leave it to Phineas to get me talking at fifteen hundred miles per hour. He was the only person I ever spoke this much around. "Look, there's something going on here. We've gotten mixed up in something that, I fear, we don't even comprehend just yet."

_"What's that mean?"_

"I'm sorry, Phineas, but it'll just have to wait."

There was another pause on the other end.

_"Okay, fine. But tell me one thing: the first number which pops into your head."_

Wondering what the point of this was, I answered, "Seven."

_"Cool,"_ said Phineas. _"We're in room twenty. I'll be over in five."_

_Click._

_"Idiot!"_ I scolded myself. _"You always fall for that!"_ How did he know we were in the same hotel? Well, thinking back on it, I _did_ tell him the decorating theme of the room. How _does_ he play me like a harp?

But I had no time for that now. I hopped out of the tub, threw open the door, and tiptoed to the edge of the bed. Painstakingly, I pealed back the thin veil of the canopy, and there she lay: the most beautiful creature in existence. How did her hair fall like so over her pale, moonlit cheeks? How did she manage to look like an angel without even trying?

…And where was that music coming from? For some reason it always plays from an indiscernible source when I look at her.

But no matter. I rested my hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. She moaned and opened one eye; then two.

"What?"

No time for words. I took her by the hand and pulled her out of bed, and then proceeded to lay her shoes at her feet as she stood there scratching her head.

"All right. I'm up. What, no time for coffee?"

I shook my head and gestured to her shoes.

"Right, right. I've got it. 'Get going, prisoner.' What, are we under attack?"

After some hesitation as I deliberated over whether or not this was true, I nodded.

Her eyes widened. "Oh. Crud." She fell over trying to get her shoe on. I hurried to the door, expecting her to follow me.

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

What I wouldn't have given to have crawled into bed again right then and there. Only half aware, I snatched my black coat off the bedside table (I had taken it off before going to sleep) and slid my arms into. Then I joined him by the door, buttoning it from the bottom up. Ferb quietly turned the brass doorknob, and he motioned for me to step out. After I did so, he shut the door softly, and we hurried down the stairs to check out. I was so tired, I could hardly walk straight. In fact, at one point, I lost my footing and, with a cry, nearly fell on top of him. Somehow, however, I ended up in his arms again (that seems to happen a lot). We stared at each other for a minute there; I was beginning to wonder how he was even able to hold me up, and then for the first time I noticed that he had blue eyes before he set me down and we hurried to the bottom of the stairs.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

No way was he getting away this time. I'll spare you some of the gory details and say that as I ran with Perry to room seven, I called Candace's cell phone and told her everything. I knew that she would wake the others, even if unintentially, which would spare me some time to find Ferb.

Perry and I made it to room seven, but when I found it empty, I knew he had been too quick for me. As we clambered down the stairs, I could only hope that we wouldn't be too late again.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

"I'll check out," I told Vanessa. "Go and start the car."

"Right," she said before dashing outside.

I went to the main desk, only to find that the clerk wasn't there. And I had so little time before—

"Going somewhere, Ferbouche?"

Clenching my teeth, I allowed my eyes to roll back into my head before turning to face my brother, who stood with crossed arms before me, platypus at his side. He took a few steps to my right. Now he stood between me and the door.

"Phineas, let me through," I said plainly.

"Not until you tell me what's going on," said my brother. He didn't look angry yet, but rather bewildered and disappointed. He came a bit closer. "Ferb, I promise I won't get mad. Just tell me what's going on."

I wanted to—boy, did I ever—but my gut instinct had been screaming at me ever since Vanessa had called me: things were going to get a lot worse than this, and I couldn't have my family mixed up in this. I trusted myself in tricky situations, but my friends…

Mustering a deep breath, I stepped determinedly past my brother, who obviously hadn't expected that reaction.

"Ferb!" he spluttered. "You're just gonna walk away? Where are you even going? For once, will you just _say something_?"

I spun around, walked back, and stood before him. "All right, how's this: I am flirting with heavy chances of death by gunshot in the future so near that I could kiss it, and you are getting in my way, so please just shut it, turn around, run back up, and go to sleep! Please, you infuriating, little brother!" I looked at his stunned expression and exhaled tiredly. "Phineas, don't you trust me?"

"You're making it hard to," Phineas answered, folding his arms in a knot with an immature sort of pout.

I sighed again. The others would be down any minute, and then I would never be able to—

A shadow twitched beneath the staircase. The floorboards yowled beneath the weight of those who lay in wait to strike. How had they found us so fast, I wondered?

Looking my brother in the eyes, I hastily asked, "Phineas, will you at least trust me on one thing?"

Phineas raised one eyebrow, but then his face softened. "Of course, Ferb."

I leaned in close and whispered, "Go sit behind the desk and cover your eyes, right now."

He pulled away. "No way! You're just trying to get rid of me!"

Twenty feet.

"Well, actually—" I started, but he interrupted.

"I thought you knew better than to try and trick me!" He placed his hands on his hips like Candace often did (you could, in this instant, tell that the two had the same blood). "I don't understand you, Ferb."

Ten feet.

"Actually, I—"

He cut me off again. "I mean, after all this time I thought—"

Five feet and too close for comfort. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm _trying_ to _protect_ you!" I shouted.

If I was any less than the skilled combatant that I am, I probably would have said, "What came next happened all so fast," but, hel-_lo_: I'm a _spy_.

I snagged Phineas by the collar of his shirt and yanked him down onto the floor. Gunshots flew over us from across the room. A masked man leapt at me. I thrust my index and middle fingers into his eyes and threw a foot into the soft spot of his gut, and then dropping onto my back, I kicked his feet out from under him. He dropped instantly. Another guy appeared from out of nowhere, aiming a gun at me. I twisted his arm behind his back and then pinched his neck. And all in that same second, I rolled out of the way before the man crashed to the floor, dropping his gun.

I rose and brushed myself off. All in a day's work, eh? But a familiar, nasally voice shattered my satisfaction.

"Holy cow…"

Paralyzed, Phineas stared at the gun which had slid across the floor to his feet. His knees shook as he slowly turned and looked at me through eyes wide with fear. And those words, those three words he delivered next, where the most painful blow of all: "Who _are_ you?"

Do you recall when I said before that the people in my family, myself included, have always had a problem with getting too emotionally involved in their missions and so failing? That was what had just happened to me. In an effort to protect Phineas, I had blown my cover.

Perry had not even had time to make such a mistake. Still playing the part of a mindless animal, he kicked the gun away from Phineas. His eyes met mine, and they were filled with question.

Vanessa poked her head in through the front door. "Ferb, are you coming?"

I could hear Candace and the others thundering down the stairs like a herd of stampeding rhinos.

"Ferb," Phineas said, seeing my tense shoulders and knowing that I meant to leave. "Don't go." He stared at me with big eyes, and—you know how in cartoons when someone wants something really bad, they can make their irises quiver and expand to a dangerously cute level? That's the face he was making at me.

"Ferb," Vanessa called me from the entrance doors. "I'm waiting here."

"Ferb," Phineas said again.

"Ferb!" my friends called, nearly at the foot of the stairs.

"Ferb!"

"Ferb!"

"Ferb!"

Sigh. Don't you just hate it when there are several right things to do but you can only choose one?

"Ferb!" Vanessa called. Her choice of words hadn't changed, but this time I recognized urgency in the tone of her voice. "Please come outside now. I need you."

I glanced apologetically at Phineas before tearing off, leaving him there on the floor, confused and hurt. Throwing open the door, I dashed outside—only to run straight into another one of Johnny's goons in a ski mask. He and a man clad in like fashion seized both of my arms and lifted my feet above the ground (if I had been _taller_, they would never have done that). I thrashed about, trying to wrench myself free of their vise-like grasps, but the sound of an angel in distress wrung me of my self-consciousness.

"Let me go, you psycho!"

A big, scary-looking bald man with a long, crooked scar underlining his bottom lip had Vanessa's arms pinned behind her back. If she struggled, he could easily break them.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." With his hands buried deep in the pockets of his tattered, grey trenchcoat, Johnny walked cockily onto the scene with fifteen or twenty more muscle men in ski masks to back him up. "You crossed a fine line, little man, but that line has reached its end—and so has your life. And hers, as soon as she hands over the cell phone." He held out his hand palm-up to Vanessa. "Give me the cell phone."

Vanessa stared daggers at him.

"Come on, baby," said Johnny. "You know you don't have any other option. Hand it over."

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

If my hands were free, I might have strangled him on the spot. And _boy_, was I suddenly thankful that Ferb hadn't let me get my phone back from him in the car earlier.

Johnny stood between me and Ferb, so we couldn't see each other. But knowing he was there with his kick-butt ninja moves made me feel a lot braver.

"I'm only gonna ask this one more time," Johnny said, in no mood for games. He thrust his hand out again with more force. "The cell phone."

"Why do you even want it so bad?" I asked, stalling. "How are you even connected to that Rick Sandler guy anyway? What's in it for you?"

"Money," Johnny answered plainly. "Power. Money. I wasn't linked to the guy when I met you. I came into contact with him a few months back. He said he needed someone to boss his minions around, and I fit the bill. He said he'd need a mastermind to help come up with his plans for Tri-state Area domination, and ultimately world domination. He's actually pretty close. He's already got guys planted in every government system except ours. He plans to work his way up the power line until he's in control of everything."

"Then, why do you want me?" I asked.

"Because an overlord needs an over-lady, right?" Johnny grinned evilly.

"Gross!" I exclaimed. "There's no way in heck I'll be with you now!"

"Then, you're useless to me," said Johnny. "Now, give me the phone."

"I don't have it," I said coyly.

"I got no time for this, sweetheart. Give me the phone…" He nodded to one of the ski-mask-dudes. The guy pulled out a revolver and pressed it deeply, painfully into the side of my head.

"…or he'll shoot you," Johnny finished.

"I don't have it," I stammered, my voice high and thin. I had been in a few life or death situations before, but I'd never had a gun up against my brain before. My knees quaked, and unable to hold my weight for another instant, they buckled and I sank to the cold sidewalk. Fingers dug into my arms and strong arms hoisted me back up. "Please don't do this," I pleaded.

His hard face didn't soften. "Search her," he ordered.

"Tell them to keep their bloody hands off of her, you reckless fashion statement!" Ferb shouted-I'd never heard him raise his voice like that before.

Everyone turned around and stared at him.

"Reckless _what_?" Johnny asked through clenched teeth. Ha, ha. Ever since middle school, he'd been sensitive about people making fun of how he dressed. _Man_, even for a ninja, this Ferb guy was fast at finding people's weaknesses.

"What are you trying to do?" he asked boldly. "Did one of Lady Gaga's outrageous purses die to serve as a headpiece for you?"

Johnny made a strange noise at that. I could tell he was really ticked.

"Oh," Ferb gasped, feigning apology. "I think I meant your hair."

Johnny started forward. "Listen, you—!"

"Now, Vanessa!" Ferb shouted.

I froze. Was I supposed to do something? Everyone was staring at me, including Ferb. It was probably the most awkward moment of my entire life, even worse than when my dad came to pick me up from a party riding a tricycle and wearing a diaper. Great. The one time I would have liked to impress Ferb in return for all the times he's pleasantly surprised me… I cleared my throat. "Sorry, I don't understand what everyone expects me to do."

"Well, my goal was initially to distract them," Ferb revealed.

"Oh," I said. Now it clicked. "Well, if you wanted me to distract them, you could've just said so, and then I could have done this!" Catching them off their guard, I made my entire body go limp. The arms of the goons who were holding me loosened their grip, and I hit the sidewalk and managed to roll out of the way. With everyone distracted, Ferb freed himself and immediately turned into the human weapon of mass destruction which had rescued me from the alley. Boom! Six were guys already on the ground. When I looked up, Ferb was surrounded in the middle of the crowd, wildly glancing around with a face that dared, _Who's next? Come on and challenge me!_ I gotta admit, he was awfully brave to risk his neck for me like a man always should for his woman. A gun fired, but no one got hit. Four more guys fell to the ground. Eight more. In all the excitement, I'd forgotten to get up. Now a big guy grabbed me by the arm and started twisting it. Sharp pain spread all around from my elbow… and then it vanished. That guy, too, lay out-cold with his buddies. More gunshots rang out.

"Cover your head, Vanessa!"

For once, I listened to Ferb without question. I didn't know how he could transform into 007 whenever I was in trouble, but if a guy who can thrown down men two and a half times his size has a thing for you, you'll be better off it you just go with it. Bullets grazed the ends of my hair. I'd never been in such immediate danger. I could hear the angry shouts of men as they jumped at Ferb, followed by the cries of dismay as their faces were introduced to the pavement.

"Ferrrrb!"

I looked up. Ferb's older sister stood halfway out the door of the motel, looking panicked and angry. "Ferb! Get inside _now_!"

"No!" came Ferb's sharp reply as he threw down another opponent. Candace's mouth dropped open wide enough to stuff a watermelon into.

I couldn't believe it. Behind her stood practically Ferb's entire family all gaping at what was going on outside.

"Vanessa!" Ferb shouted. "Get to the car! It will protect you!"

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Do it!"

Dodging ski-mask dudes and bullets, I jumped up and, in all the chaos, tried to make my way to the car.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

There was no way I'd be able to lie my way out of this one. Darn that phone with which I called my brother! Now everyone who mattered to me was fixated upon my flying fists and all that protected them from the madness outside was a thin sheet of glass. Not only did I have to protect Vanessa now, but I had to get them to safety too!

Wait. Freeze. Where _was_ Vanessa? I glanced around. Oh! Sweet relief. She was hurrying to the car just like I had told her to. Now I could focus on—

_Do be do be do wa, do be do be do wa…_

I'd know that theme song anywhere. Agent P, looking real sharp in his 1940's fedora, exploded onto the scene like a loose cannon. Nine men down. Only twenty remained.

"Perry!" I exclaimed. "Your hat!"

He chattered at me and took out another foe. Whether or not he had thrown on his fedora out of habit or of being unable to stand secrets and pretenses any longer, obviously, it was too late to try and hide his identity now. At least everyone was staring at him and not at me now.

**_~Isabella's POV~_**

"Hey, that's my daughter!" the pharmacist shouted. "What's she doing with that hoodlum with the green hair? And—hey, is that that jerk, Johnny?"

"Ferb!" Candace shrieked. "Get over here! You could get shot!"

"I think he can handle himself!" Buford cried, wincing every time a gun fired. "Let's save ourselves, shall we?"

"No way!" I strapped on my Fireside Girls sash as if it was an important piece of armor. "I don't know what's going on, but Ferb and Perry need us!"

"No, I don't think they do," said Baljeet. "Look!" He pointed outside. Vanessa and Ferb were getting into the car.

"We can't lose them again!" Irving pushed past Candace and flung the door open. "Charge!" Waving his arms and screaming, he rushed out to the red station wagon. After a moment of silence at the unexpected outburst, everyone followed him out into the turmoil.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

I would have gone back for my friends, but I saw them getting into their car. Good. They would drive to safety. It was back to us two. After we had made sure to buckle our seatbelts, I smashed the pedal to the floor, and we were out of there.

"I can't believe you!" Vanessa exclaimed, clearly displeased. "You brought your entire family with you?"

"No," I answered. "They followed us."

"Great!" She twisted around to see behind us. All that she saw was empty road, and the scene of the fight shrinking in the distance. Then she sighed and sank into her chair like a deflated balloon animal. "I think we're in over our heads," she voiced my thoughts, still catching her breath. "Change in plans. Next time, you can get kidnapped, and I'll swoop in and save you like an action hero and then kidnap you myself to keep you safe."

I smiled at that. "Just don't try that neck thing."

"You got it," she said with a wave of her forefinger.

Rumors of sunlight in the east whispered over the fog-ridden street as we pulled onto the highway. Not a soul was in our path: our car was the only man-made thing in sight besides the road. A green sign with a bold, white font let us know that we were nowhere near Danville now. There was no turning back.

"Thanks," Vanessa said after a long silence.

I turned my head and made a face that asked, "What was that?"

"For rescuing me, I guess," said she. "I'm not saying I owe you or anything, but you have saved me twice in the past twenty-four hours, not to mention all of the other times you've helped me in a pinch, so thank you."

I nodded. She had no idea how good the words made me feel.

A thin, bluish light glowed softly in the east. "What time is it?" I asked aloud.

A flat machine voice answered me: "5:23 a.m."

Vanessa looked at me. "I didn't know the car could tell time. What else can it do?"

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

Ferb shrugged. I guess that was supposed to mean "a lot". I surveyed the inside of the car. For the first time, I noticed that the seats in the back looked like they could be moved. I guess Ferb sensed my curiosity or something, because he pushed a button, and then the seats split down the middle and parted into side-seats facing each other inward, each backed against the side doors. The carpet between them was fuzzy like that of a limo's. A drink table and a hot tub rose up from the floor. He pressed another button, and the "room" suddenly had Goth furnishings. My eyes lingered on it in awe. "You really did think of everything, didn't you?"

Ferb nodded, seeming pleased.

"So…" I said turning to him with a spark (just a spark) of interest. "You're from England."

Ferb nodded.

"Is that why you're so smart?" I asked half-jokingly.

He shrugged in a modest way.

"Oh, don't give me that! You're like a mini Jason Bourne, as well as Albert Einstein! How come you're so good at everything?"

"Not everything," said Ferb.

I waited for him to say more, but he didn't. "That's all I'm gonna get?"

No answer.

"You know," I said, slightly irritated, "most people would feel the need to explain if they had the ability to knock someone out with their thumb and forefinger and demonstrated it in front of you. But you're not that kinda guy?"

"What about you?" Ferb asked. "Care to explain the giant robot that your father had with him?"

"My _dad_ was there?" I groaned. "Ugh! Great! And you've never even seen him before. How did you know we're related?"

"I've been trained to recognize small similarities," Ferb answered.

"You've been trained?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable again, knowing that I might not be any safer with Ferb than I was with Johnny.

Again, he went all silent on me.

"Would you stop being so cryptic?" I demanded. "You're acting like your life is some big mystery."

"Well, actually I—" He didn't finish. When nothing happened, he glanced at me expectantly. There was an awkward period where all you could hear were the tires grazing the road.

"What?" I finally asked.

Ferb appeared very surprised. "Usually someone cuts me off before I can say any more."

"Oh," I said. That was kind of strange. As a change of pace, I began to feel a little bad for him. By the looks of it, I bet his life was pretty strange. But not nearly as strange as mine, I was sure.

"What about your life?" Ferb asked me. "Whenever you start to say something about it, you catch yourself and change the subject."

"You have no idea what I have to put up with," I said shaking my head.

"Try me."

I looked at him. He didn't glance away. Did he really want to know? He seemed pretty serious. "All right, but you have to give an equal amount of personal data. Clear?"

Ferb nodded.

"Okay," I said. Things were about to get interesting. I took a deep breath. "My life is… in a word… strange. It started out that way, and it gets stranger every day."

Ferb's head twisted towards me. His mouth dropped open, and he stared at me—it was a different stare than usual, and it made me ask, "What?"

He swallowed. "My life is, in a word, weird. It started out that way, and then it got weirder."

Now we both stared at each other. Was it possible that, through all of our insane differences, we both shared one thing in common: that our lives were abnormal?

It was my turn. "My dad… is an evil scientist." I held my breath, wincing. There was no way he could top that.

But he didn't seem phased at all. In fact, he looked somewhat amused. "My father is an ex-spy."

As we held each other's gaze, we realized that we had discovered a connection between us that we had never found in anyone else before.

And then it became a contest.

"My dad has a nemesis."

"My _platypus_ has a nemesis."

"My ex-boyfriend works for someone who wants to take over the world."

"My sister wrestled an alligator to get into a concert."

"My mom doesn't believe in the concept of good and evil."

"My mum was a one-hit-wonder."

"My grandpa has a dog named Onlyson which he treats like a human being."

"My brother has a pizza-shaped head."

"My dad tried to rotate the moon."

"I got detained in the principle's office for keeping a chainsaw in my locker."

"Neither of my grandparents showed up for my dad's birth."

"My sister was queen of Mars."

"My dad has his own evil jingle."

"My platypus has his own logo."

"My dad despises hot dog vendors."

"We have an alien friend named Meap."

"My dad built a self-destruct button into every machine in his house—even the blender."

"We built Cheesetopia."

"I survived getting sucked up into one of the tornadoes my dad caused."

"I was nearly eaten by a dinosaur."

"My dad built his own evil country."

"My brother and I have seats on the city council."

"My brother is a robot."

"My brother is a prodigy."

"My brother is bullet-proof."

"My brother invented _and won_ the Nobel Awesomeness Prize."

"My brother can fly."

"My brother and I set up a shooting star milkshake bar in outer space."

"I flew to Paris."

"I was there."

"Oh," I said. "Right. Well… My brother runs on squirrel power."

"Mine runs on an unholy combination of sugar and good attitude." Ferb smiled fondly and shook his head. He was probably having a flashback.

"My dad can blow up and still be okay in the next episode."

"Um, I think every cartoon character can do that."

"Well," I stammered. I could not lose this contest. My life _had_ to be crazier than his. "Well, I… My… The… I… I… I got nothing."

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

I could tell by the way Vanessa hunched over that she was a little discouraged. I gave her a curious glance.

"Oh, nothing," she said trying to look cheerful.

But I didn't back down, so she admitted, "It's just that, well, everything you've said so far is really cool and impressive. I mean, you're weird in a good way, but I'm just weird in a weird way. I've never done anything amazing."

She was a little startled when I pulled over on the side of the road, threw down the breaks, and stared deeply into her eyes for so long that she began to fidget uncomfortably. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and asked, "What?"

I let out a scoff/chuckle. "You," I answered. I shook my head. How could she not see? "The lowest grade you've ever gotten is a B-plus."

"How did you know?" Vanessa asked.

"I found you on FaceSpace," I revealed, "and I took the liberty of checking the public record of your school."

She bit her lip and tucked another strand of hair behind her ear, making no effort to deny the truth in her modesty.

"You want to go to medical school the second you graduate," I went on. "That is very honorable."

She started to downplay her greatness: "Lots of people want to be doctors—"

But I held up a finger. "You're motivated by the idea of making a difference, because you liked how amazing it felt to save that little boy from drowning in the public pool when you were ten." When her jaw went slack, I was quick to add, "That is, at least, what I gathered when I found the article at the library." I continued. "You've read many of the most brilliant pieces of literature—including works by Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, J. R. R. Tolkien, and C. S. Lewis. You seem to have a bit of a rebellious streak, but that's only residue from the resentment you hold onto from your parents' divorce—which you handled in a manner which was very mature, from what I gathered from old posts from your online blog." I stopped when I realized that she was staring at me in shock. Her eyes were filled with such awe. New confidence swelled in my chest, and a spark of hope glittered to life somewhere deep inside me, somewhat like it had when earlier this night I had contemplated for the first time the possibility that Fate might exist. Maybe everything had been building up to this moment. Maybe some things were meant to be. "Maybe" was an iffy word, I thought, but there was only one way to change that "maybe" into an "absolutely". I breathed deeply and said, "I probably sound a little unnerving saying all of these things about you, but the truth is…" I gazed softly into her blue eyes. "I'm terribly fond of you, Vanessa, and I want to help you. I want to be here for you, and there for you, and everywhere else that you might need me."

We held each other's eyes for a time before she let her face fall. I tried to meet her gaze, but getting pink in the cheeks, she bit her lip and turned away.

"This is weird," she murmured half to herself.

Her comment plucked a string of self-consciousness within me. I glanced down about myself in some discouragement. "Which part about this is weird to you? The part where my right eye is so much bigger than my left one, or the part where I was born with green hair and a head in the shape of the letter 'F'? Or—Oh, I understand. It's because I'm so short, isn't it?" I sighed. That was it. Oh, if only I hadn't been cursed with such unmatched defects…

But she shook her head. "No, Ferb," she said. "The weird part is that I think I've grown sort of fond of you too."

Now our eyes connected: my twilight blues with her midnight azuls. My hand slipped from the wheel and somehow magically landed on hers, and this time she didn't turn away. After years of wearing the same emotionless expression on my animated face, I'd never felt more alive. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the chase. Perhaps it had something to do with the romantic music that the soundtrack guys started playing to guide the scene along. It might have been the gorgeous, blazing illumination of the sun as it rose like a molten ball of gold painting us in a new light as the stars dwindled into darkness. All I knew was that James Bond had _nothing_ on this perfect moment.

"Ferb," Vanessa said, slicing through the stillness of the oncoming dawn. "Before anything else happens, I need to know: who are you? And _what_ are you?"

Reveal my secret? I could never break that rule. I could never compromise my position on a whim. I would never give away my identity.

_Yeah, right_! Those top-secret training organizations could kiss my toolbox. I was so done with lies! I hated leading a double-life, and I wasn't going to hide who I was any longer—especially not from the ones I loved. I was finally going to do it. I was going to blow this secret and nobody was going stop me.

Except for those six sleek, black SUV's which screeched to a halt around our car.

"Crud, they've found us!" Vanessa exclaimed pulling her hand out from under mine to fasten her seatbelt. "We shouldn't have stopped for so long! You may wanna step on it."

Rats. Moment over. But I refused to let myself dwell on my disappointment. If Fate still smiled on me, I'd get another chance to tell her the truth…

If we survived.

From the shining, night-colored SUV's which surrounded us, at least thirty men emerged in the same black ski masks, each aiming automatic rifles for the windshield of our car.

"Ferb…?" Vanessa asked uncertainly.

"Vanessa," I said whirling to face her. I would not die without having at least one person know who I really was. Taking both her hands in mine, I looked her in the eyes. "I'm a spy."

Vanessa stared at me for a minute there. "Oh," she said at last. "Cool. And what would a spy normally do under these circumstances?"

I eyed our approaching enemies. "Well… usually there would be some unexpected twist in our favor."

"Like what?"

_Smack!_ We both jerked in our seats. A shadow was upon us. I looked up to see none other than Phineas lying sprawled on the windshield. "Ferb Fletcher, you are so busted! When Mom hears about this, you are going _down_!"

I pointed up in surprise. "Like that."

**~~~O.o What is Phineas doing on the windshield? LOL. ****_Love_**** how Ferb and Vanessa realized the one thing they have in common: they both lead freakishly weird lives. Sniff, sniff. Poor Phineas. He just doesn't understand. "S.L.A.V.E. Motel" was thought up by my little brother. Hehe, we were being silly.**

**Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! :D**


	10. To Break the Rules

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

**[A few minutes earlier]**

We followed the little nerdy guy back to the red car (which had run me over previously—I was still hurting from that), and we took off after my daughter and the little, green-haired hoodlum. I was still looking back over my shoulder for Perry the Platypus, whom we had left behind. I only hoped Johnny's folk wouldn't spoil him for me: I had planned on annhialating him on Thursday! And it was a really good scheme, too—I didn't want to have to make any changes to it because some jerk put my nemesis in a wheelchair or something. Not even to mention that I was completely—

**_~Baljeet's POV~_**

Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but I've been told to remind you that if you don't stick to the story, you will have to relinquish your rights as narrator.

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

Fine, fine. I was getting there.

That Candace girl really put the pedal to the floor. I made sure to fasten my seatbelt for fear of being smashed to pieces if she missed a turn. I certainly didn't want to see her get really angry. The mean, stocky kid with the skull shirt (who looked a little familiar, I must admit) and the little Hindi boy were bickering about something, and the nerdy guy in the big glasses was using an ipad, or something else with a screen that lights up and provides information. The cute little girl in the bow seemed to be trying to get the triangular-headed kid and the regular platypus to stop fighting (of course, the pointy guy was doing all the talking). I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but it was apparent to me that the dispute was over something important.

"What does he think he's doing?" I wondered out loud. "Arguing with a platypus. He's a moron! They can't even talk."

Norm stuck his head in through the window and gave me a look.

"Not one word from you," I barked.

**_ ~Perry's POV~_**

"Just try to calm down, Phineas," Isabella kept saying in soothing tones.

"How can I?" Phineas asked. He was really mad this time, standing up in the passenger seat with his hands made into fists and his arms straight down his sides; unbuckled, but Candace didn't seem to notice. "I know that not everything is what it seems, but come on! My brother _and_ my platypus in one night? You think you know someone, and then they do something that breaks your heart and leave you there on the floor staring after them, wondering if any of the time you spent together ever meant a thing. Are you the only one who's not keeping secrets?"

Isabella turned a scarlet red at that and clasped her wrist, turning away.

"What?" Phineas cried. "You too? I should make a list! Perry, Ferb, and you!"

"And me!" Buford shouted from the backseat.

"And me," Baljeet said timidly.

Clenching his teeth, Phineas frowned across space at Irving, who sat on his hands. "Go on, say it."

Irving sighed. "All right, fine; I am, too."

"I am! I am!" Doof hailed in the back. "I definitely am!"

"So am I," Norm chirped.

"Great," said Phineas, and he began to count on his fingers. "Perry, Ferb, Dr. D, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, Irving, and Norm!"

"Phineas, sit down," Candace ordered, just now realizing that he wasn't seated. Phineas slumped down and folded his arms, hanging his head at his lap. As a gesture of affection, hoping to help soften his regard for me, I reached over and tried to strap him in, since he had forgotten to do so. His head tilted a bit and he looked at me. I dearly hoped he'd smile and scratch me behind the ears like he so often did, but he turned away, unintentially forcing me to release the seatbelt. Now the whole car was silent, and for once, there was no cheerful voice breaking through the awkwardness to lift our spirits.

"You know," Doof spoke up from the very back. "Maybe we should go back for Perry the Platypus. I don't want that Johnny guy to hurt him before I can."

"What do you mean?" Baljeet asked, twisting around to face him. "Perry is right over there in between Candace and Phineas."

Doof stared at me in confusion. "That regular platypus?"

I went for my hat, but then I remembered that everyone was here. But when I threw a glance up at Phineas, he frowned and muttered, "Go ahead. It doesn't matter anymore."

Well, when he said it like that, I really didn't want to. But I did.

"_Perry_ the Platypus?! What did you do with the regular—" Understanding flooded Doof's eyes. "Oh! You crafty, little platypus…"

Candace checked the rearview mirror once, and then twice. "Why is Perry wearing a hat?"

"Wow!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed. "You even had your host family stumped! I gotta admit, that's a clever trick you do: pretending to be a pet."

"What do you mean, pretending?" Irving asked, confused. "He _is_ their pet."

Doof and Norm exchanged glances (Norm was hanging upside down from the top of the car to look into the windows). "Ooh." Doof grimaced. "Yeah, okay—I don't really know how to break this to you, but Perry the Platypus isn't really your pet."

_"Shut up, you idiot," _I thought. Phineas was pretending not to listen, but I could tell he was curious. Doof was just going to make things worse!

"You're just his cover story," my nemesis went on. "Every day he disappears to come and fight me."

Everyone except Candace jerked around to get another look at him.

"I knew there was something off about this pharmacist," Buford murmured.

"So," said Phineas, shifting to his knees, propping himself up on the armrest with his hands. "That's where Perry sneaks off to every day? To fight a pharmacist?" He frowned at me. "Why would you even do that?"

"Actually, I'm a scientist," Doof corrected with an awkward chuckle. "People get confused by the lab coat."

"Why would he fight you?" Isabella asked.

Doof placed a hand on his chest. "Well, because I'm evil."

"Evil?" Phineas cried. "You're evil? He's evil? What does that make you?"

Before I could stop him, Doofenshmirtz delivered the final blow: "He's a secret agent."

Everyone's eyes widened in horror and tremendous astonishment. I winced and held onto my hat. This just wasn't a day for spies, was it?

"I…" Phineas said staring at me through big, sad eyes. "I don't believe it."

Isabella nearly swallowed her tongue to hear those four words coming out of _his_ mouth—especially after the "Summer Belongs to You" episode.

"Did _not_ see that one coming," said Baljeet.

"You know, looking back on it, you gotta admit it's kinda obvious," said Irving.

"Yeah, totally," said Isabella.

Phineas couldn't take his eyes off me, so overcome. "You're a secret agent? So, we never really were a family? We're just a cover story to you?"

I reached out and touched his arm, but he yanked it away. He was standing in his seat again.

"After all this time going, _'He's a platypus: they don't do much.'_ Well, apparently you do! You do! You're—!"

I was thrown against Isabella's feet when Candace stomped on the breaks. The entire car nearly capsized with the force of the sudden stop which had been made to avoid colliding with one of the many black sports utility vehicles parked in the middle of the highway. Glass flew in all directions as my remaining boy crashed through the windshield and collided with another car's. Two sounds crowded out all other sounds, two screams: the tires' and Isabella's, and both seemed to utter the same name.

_ "PHINEAS!"_

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

**[Back in real time]**

Man, flying through that windshield and crashing into another car without getting even a single scratch on my body was wicked awesome! Good thing I had my invisible helmet on. And what a stroke of luck that I had converted all the glass of Mom and Dad's car to the non-cut type two days before! The only thing that really hurt was my nose when it hit the bullet-proof surface of the car—and the windshield wipers kinda stuck me, too. My eyes widened when I saw Ferb sitting there in the driver's seat with Vanessa next to him. Anger surged through me with the memory of everything he'd done.

"Ferb Fletcher, you are so busted!" I shouted. "When Mom hears about this, you are going _down_!"

Ferb pushed a button. Nothing happened for a second, but then a mechanical arm sprouted from the hood, peeled me off the window, and set me down in one of the middle seats.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Ferb demanded.

"Perfecting my crash-landings," I said dryly, brushing glass off my shoulders. "Care to explain what you're doing? Perhaps enlighten me as to what the heck is going on?"

Ferb sighed and rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. "Phineas, I thought Candace had taken you and the others to safety."

"Funny," I said, not bothering to tone back on the sarcasm. "That pronoun used to mean _everyone_, including you."

Ferb was about to argue with me, but then this punk-rocker guy with purple streaks in his hair clinked Vanessa's window with a gun that looked like a mini cannon. "Everybody out of the car, now!"

"Who's that guy?" I asked.

"Long story," Ferb mumbled tiredly.

**_~Candace's POV~_**

I almost died watching Phineas go through the windshield—mental note: bust him to Mom for not wearing a seatbelt—and I was so relieved when he rose up onto his hands and knees and started shouting at Ferb and Vanessa, because obviously that meant he was okay. But we had bigger problems, like the swarm of armed men in ski masks hammering our car with eager stares.

"We're in trouble," Buford stated.

"You think?" I asked. By now I was getting fed up with his constant, stupid comments. My sanity was already hanging on by a pinky as it was. When a big, square-shouldered guy tapped on my window with a gun and gestured for us to get out, waves of panic currented through me. We were all gonna die! I was never going to date Jeremy through college, and then get married and have two kids and name them Xavier and Amanda! And Mom would blame me for everything even after I was dead, and on my gravestone they'd write, _Candace Flynn: the loser who couldn't protect her brothers!_

But another voice that sounded a lot like Stacy in my head broke through: Candace, get a grip! You have all these kids depending on you! You can't let them down! You're a fighter! Be a fighter!

"Yeah, I'm a fighter!" I said thrusting my fist into the air.

That strong guy with the gun jerked my door off its hinges and yanked me outside.

I panicked. "I'm a goner! I'm a goner!"

More of those armed guys forced everyone out. They lined us all up in front of the car, as if to execute us. I ended up next to Ferb. "You've got some serious explaining to do, mister," I hissed at him.

Ferb stared at his feet shamefully, but he nodded to acknowledge that he knew he was in big trouble.

"Starting with, who are all these guys?" I asked.

Ferb studied the twenty-one men with a trained eye. He looked at their faces, observed their structures, regarded their nationalities. And then he returned with his answer. "They are mercenaries, assassins whose loyalty can be bought and sold. They were called after Vanessa. She recorded something important and they don't want that footage to be released into the media."

"Why don't they just… kill her, then?" I dared to ask.

"Because their leader still, in some sick and twisted way, has feelings for her," Ferb muttered through clenched teeth, and I was surprised to see his face turn a little red. His attention was now elsewhere—I think on that weird-looking guy with streaked hair.

Now what? I asked myself. I'm supposed to be in charge, which means I'm responsible for what happens next. Which means… I gulped as I finished forming my thought: Which means that I've got to do something.

**_~Baljeet's POV~_**

"Looks like we're all here," this odd-looking guy said crossing his arms with a certain air about him which implied that he thought he was king of the world. He paced down the line until he came to the third person to my right. "Vanessa, sweetheart," he crooned, cradling her chin to force her to look at him. "We've been chasing you all night, you know. You really hurt me, girl. But you know how forgiving I am. I'm still willing to take you back…. If you give me the phone."

"You leave my daughter alone!" Doofenshmirtz ordered.

Vanessa jerked her head away. "Go jump on some train tracks, Johnny. I'm not giving you a thing."

"Somehow I can't believe that," said the scary guy. "Especially since if you don't, I might point my gun in the wrong direction. Let's say… at the little African guy."

"He's Indian, freak," Buford defended me heatedly.

Johnny looked confused. "But he doesn't have a feather in his hair or anything."

"That's Native American, whimp."

I shot him a disbelieving glare. "You were _pretending_ not to know the difference when we met?"

"Hey, I gotta keep up an image here!"

"Well, whatever!" said Johnny. "I'll shoot the Indian!"

"Leave them alone, Johnny, or I swear I'll give you something to shoot at," said a voice I could hardly recognize—usually, it contained so much less emotion and feeling.

Everybody's heads snapped all at once in the direction of that voice to see Ferb standing tall with his hands balled up at his sides and a fierce expression on his face. It was then that I noticed how snappy he was dressed. He had on a dark hat, which forced some of his hair to peek out like sharp, little, green bangs. Everything he wore, from his shoes to his pants to his jacket, which was a dull black, except for capital letters separated by periods which were sewn to the left of the zipper on his jacket. They were bright green, a perfect match to the color of his hair; and they spelled: F. E. R. B.

Johnny walked down his line of prisoners (which were us) until he came to the person we had been chasing all night. He smiled cruelly. "Ferb," he said, bending down really far to emphasize how short our friend was for his age (even though he _was_ much taller than _me_). "You're totally becoming a thorn in my side, dude."

"My pleasure," Ferb said with a mocking bow.

It was certainly strange to see this manifestation of a side of Ferb which none of us had ever seen before. He sounded more British than ever, and he had a sort of witty, sarcastic edge to his voice. He seemed awfully self-assured and bold, and quite frankly, cool.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

I didn't think to—

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

Johnny said, "I'm getting way tired of this. So, I'm gonna make things easier for everyone. Give me the phone, or I'll shoot every one of you until I get what I want."

The whole road kinda fell silent at that. But then the pointy kid spoke up.

"Technically, that doesn't make anything easier. In fact, it makes it harder."

Johnny looked at him.

"He's right," said one of his accomplices from behind.

Johnny handed him a sneer as the kid went on.

"Besides, how do you know whatever's on that cell phone that you apparently want wasn't forwarded to everyone else's phones?"

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

Yeah. Stalling? Not one of my best skills. I could tell I'd messed something up by the way Ferb smacked himself in the forehead and let his hand slide down his face.

"You're right," said Johnny. I guess I'd given him an idea. He straightened. "New plan." He abruptly walked over to Vanessa and forced his hand into her pocket. She yelped and smacked him across the cheek. "I don't have it, you scumbag!"

When his reaching hands found nothing, Johnny realized she was right. He scanned the line thoughtfully until his beady eyes came to rest on Ferb. "I've been stupid," he announced. "Of course Vanessa doesn't have it. She would have given it to somebody she trusts. Or should I say, somebody who loooooves her?"

The mercenaries laughed mockingly. I felt bad for my brother even before I peered down the line and saw his cheeks flash a hot shade of red. _Everybody_ knew about his crush on Vanessa, but to twist the knife in there by announcing it scornfully to everyone, even a bunch of total strangers, was way uncalled-for. Johnny glowered down at Ferb and grinned in a condescending manner. "What do you think she'd ever see in you, anyway?" he asked, and by the way Ferb's face fell, it was plain as daylight that the words stung. "You're totally unattractive. You're too young to drive. Your hair looks weird, your face looks weird, and you probably couldn't even reach the first step to my front door."

Vanessa suddenly spoke up, "You make one more remark about him being short, and I'll rip your tongue out!"

Johnny looked up in bewilderment at his former girlfriend. Vanessa glanced away quickly, afraid to meet his eyes now.

Wait a minute. I could see that the wheels in this guy's head were turning. He was looking from Ferb to Vanessa, from Ferb to Vanessa again. And _then_ the light bulb went on with a _click_! And an envy as green as Ferb's hair washed over his face. "Oh," he said. "Oh, I get it. It all makes sense now…" He strolled down the line. "…why Vanessa was in that car with you in the first place. I get it now why you chose him over me that day: you'd already done that a long time ago."

I saw Ferb and Vanessa looking at each other in confusion.

"Did you really think you could keep it a secret?"

Ferb gave him a suspicious, sideways look. "Keep what a secret, exactly?"

"I'm not following either," Dr. D. spoke up. "Keep what a secret, exactly?"

"That Vanessa was never really mine to begin with." Johnny's face looked hot with rage. "That all along, she's been secretly in love with someone else!"

"What?" Ferb and Vanessa shouted in unison.

Johnny pointed accusingly at her. "We never worked because you were already taken: by a ten-year-old!"

I almost laughed at how stupid that last part sounded. He sounded so disgusted with the idea that Vanessa could like someone more than him—especially _this_ someone.

Ferb opened his mouth to defend himself, but Vanessa stepped in for him. "He's _fifteen_."

Johnny faked pulling back from a grievous blow to the face. "Oh! How old am I, Vanessa? Huh? You never cared enough to ask, did you?"

Vanessa's determined expression faltered as she opened her mouth to answer and realized she didn't know.

"No, I didn't think so," said Johnny. "Well, I've had enough. Give me your cell phones… or I'll shoot _him_!"

I glanced at Ferb in shock and horror, ready to dash in front of him… but I stopped. Nobody was looking at Ferb. In fact, they were all staring at me wide-eyed. I looked ahead and found myself gazing down the barrel of a gun.

Candace determinedly strode forward from the line we'd formed (man, I love my sister; she just walks right out into a bunch of guys with guns to save me—I mean, who does that?). I could tell what she was doing. Her knees shook, but her feet were set firmly on the ground. "Hey, what are you doing?" she yapped, placed her hands on her hips. She leaned her whole body forward to eyeball all of the mercenaries. "Okay, so I wake up at, like, two in the morning because my brother and his dorky friends are talking _REALLY LOUD—"_ (she shouted that part) "—and I get up and find out that my other brother ran away on a _motorcycle_ to go rescue some Goth chick who's two years older than him—which I never supported in the first place, but it was too late to give him 'the talk' now—so we all piled into the car to head for the scariest town on earth, and then that jerk Buford feeds _my_ brother the one thing that he should never consume—caffeine—and Phineas went crazy, and there was a rocket, and I thought we were gonna die, and…!"

To the left, something slightly behind me attracted my attention. Ferb had backed out of the line and was gesturing for me to do the same. I listened. Then we inched towards each other behind the line until we'd met in the middle.

"Phineas," he whispered. "Can we call a truce?"

"We're not at war, Ferb," I said, but when I heard the attitude in my own voice, I realized I was still mad, so I took a deep breath and let it out. "How can I help?"

"The others must get to safety," Ferb instructed me. "It's vital that that phone doesn't fall into Johnny's hands. Now, I have a plan, but I'm going to need you to trust me—and Perry."

Ouch. Double-whammy. No one had said anything about trust. But I guess it sort of goes without saying. You can't have teamwork without trust. I bit my lip and shuffled my feet, weighing everything over. We'd been together for so long. It shouldn't have been so hard to just believe him. But I was really shaken. My entire world had been turned upside-down in less than twenty-four hours, and I'd hardly gotten a wink of sleep, and nothing to eat. I was exhausted, and just scared, and I wanted reassurance that I wasn't going to be let down again. "I, I…" I stammered. "I want to."

Ferb rested a hand on my shoulder like he often did when he was about to say something important or personal. It was an unintentional comfort to me. "I promise, I'll explain everything," he whispered. "Please believe in me. I believe in you."

That was enough for me. "I trust you, Ferb. What do you need me for?"

"Vanessa's father is an evil scientist."

I scoffed. "Yeah, I learned that bit on the way here."

"His robot has got something with him that, I think, will prove useful. But the others must get to safety. I need you to get Vanessa to the car because she can drive, and then bring it back to pick up the others."

"Wait," I said. "You mean that Vanessa will start the car, right?"

"No, only you know how to put it into attack mode—you know how quickly after the starting it that this has to be done, and she wouldn't know how to do it. She can take the wheel after that."

"But, Ferb, I can't. The starter remote's still at home, a-and..."

"I know," said Ferb. He lowered his voice a little more to avoid drawing attention to the fact that we weren't in line. "Sometimes, when people's lives are in jeopardy, it's okay to break the rules. Now, can I count on you?"

I reached up and scratched my ear nervously, but I briskly nodded my head. "You can always count on me, Ferbmeister." We did our secret hand shake, and then we parted ways and went to our positions. I only hoped Ferb knew what he was doing.

**_ ~Vanessa's POV~_**

Ferb's sister was still fuming about how rotten her night had been, and Johnny and his men were too stunned and amused to stop her, at the moment. I decided that, with the distraction, we might be able to come up with a hasty plan, so I cast my gaze in Ferb's direction… to find that he wasn't there. Where was he? I glanced around for any patch of bright green that would alert me to his presence, when something small and warm threaded between my fingers. I looked down and saw Ferb's little brother, Phineas, taking me by the hand, and making no big show of it. He gave a slight tug, a minor gesture for me to come slowly with him. I looked back at Johnny: he and the others were still occupied with Candace, so Phineas and I furtively began to make off.

"Where's Ferb?" I whispered to him, bending down to reach his ear.

"He's setting things in place," Phineas answered. "I promised him I'd keep you safe, and right now, the only safe place is your car."

"My car? What's so safe about it?"

"It's not just a car, Vanessa." His matter-of-fact tone of voice made me feel a little ignorant. "Ferb built it for you. That right there should be a giveaway."

**_~Perry's POV~_**

I would have given anything to not be in that situation, but I had a job to do, and eventually Johnny would get impatient and send Candace back in line, and when he did, he'd notice who was missing, and our cover would be blown. We had a plan. We had to be quick. Ferb was already in place. If Doof didn't fail _again_ like he always did, then _maybe_ we'd have a chance of getting out of this alive. Having children present made matters considerably heavier. If this plan didn't follow through, I was gonna hold Dr. D. personally responsible—especially if any members of my host family were harmed.

Ferb glanced questioningly at Doof, who nodded firmly. I was thankful that my nemesis had decided to bring a few gadgets stored away in Norm. The robotic man stood at the end of the line with the Transportinator-inator, an odd device which resembled a squirt gun. It was initially intended to be able to beam his other inators to wherever he was when he desired them, but, like many of his other inventions, it had never worked, or "functioned properly". A number of minutes after the inator appeared, it would explode. That had made my job pretty easy on the day he invented it. All I had to do was duck for cover and watch him blow himself up. But this time was different. We only had one chance, and all our hopes of survival were sustained by only two things: the failure of Doofenshmirtz's inator, and the haste of Phineas Flynn.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

My job was simple, especially for a guy who had, at a surfing competition, made Judge 3 rethink Einstein's Theory of Relativity. All I had to do was turn the keys in the ignition, and we'd be good to go. There was just one teeny, tiny setback: we couldn't find the keys.

"Did you look under the seat?"

"I'm looking! Did you try your back pocket?"

"Twice!"

"Well, try feeling around on the floor! They've gotta be here somewhere!"

Vanessa dove under the dashboard while I turned the entire mid-section of the car upside-down to see if the keys would fall from the carpet. But every second lost was a second closer to somebody getting hurt, and we were running out of time.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

I could tell by the way—

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

I was beginning to get nervous for my daughter when I realized that she wasn't—

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

Hey, Dad, let Norm talk for once. It's been long enough.

**_~Doofenshmirtz's POV~_**

I sigh dramatically. Fine, but only for a little while; he's boring.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

Thanks, Dad!

I could tell by the way Johnny's face tightened that he couldn't take much more of Candace's eruption. And precious time was ticking away. Like the sand in an hourglass, everyone's patience was dwindling fast. Dad was wringing his hands relentlessly, and Perry the Platypus was perspiring milk.

**_~Candace's POV~_**

That's so gross.

**_~Irving's POV~_**

Well, he _is_ platypus.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

No interruptions, please. Where was I?

Irving, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet had no idea that we even had a plan, so I imagine they felt very fearful of what might happen next. Fortunately, some of them were slower than others, but Isabella did notice Phineas' absence in record time. She looked at Ferb questioningly, and he gestured ever-so-slightly with his head to the car. Isabella saw that the lights were on inside of it, and dark shapes were coming in and out of view behind the windows. Her expression changed from fear to a mixture of relief and jealousy. Why had Phineas taken Vanessa instead of her? But I could see her silently scolding herself after that. Phineas was safe, and so was the girl Ferb liked. That was good enough for her.

By now the wait was becoming unbearable. Ferb stole a glance at the car, murmuring under his breath, "Come on, Phineas. You can do this."

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

I brought my head up too fast and whacked it on the dashboard. "Gah!" My hand flew to hold my scalp. "I can't find them anywhere!"

"Then, I'll have to make some new ones," Phineas said smacking one fist into his hand with determination.

"You'll have to what?" I sat up. It was doubtless that the keys were not under the dashboard. "You're insane. We've got no time."

"We've got just enough time." Phineas pushed a shining blue button with a glittering light bulb sticker on it. From behind the glove compartment, a shoot opened up, and a red toolbox was spit out onto the floor. He flung it open; a few nuts and bolts spilled out and rolled to a stop by the doors, and he went to work. I'd never seen anyone move so quickly. He disassembled a screwdriver and filed it into a thin, crooked tool—he never even melted it or molded it! And all of this without blueprints or anything to refer to. Now I understood where my car had come from. In a few seconds, though they felt more like minutes, he was done. He fit the doohickey into the hole and, saying a prayer that ended with an "amen", he turned the key.

The floor rumbled, and warm air breathed on our faces from the heater. Strapping himself into the driver's seat, Phineas pushed another button. A miniature microphone sprouted.

"Voice recognition," a toneless voice said.

"Phineas Flynn," said he. "Initiate attack mode standby."

"Initiating," the machine replied.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

"…but Mom never gets to see any of it, and you know what? I am sick and tired of looking like a fool!"

"All right, that's enough; shut up!" Johnny commanded, raising his gun to her. She froze. "I won't take anymore stalling out of you. Vanessa, you give me the phone or—" He stopped; scanned the line from front to finish and finish to front again. And then he turned around just in time to see the unordinary car facing them, revving and stirring like a bull about to charge. In the passenger seat, Phineas' tongue hung out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as he adjusted his invisible helmet. In the driver's seat, Vanessa gripped the wheel and smiled darkly from behind her wild, brown locks.

Johnny's face immediately switched from irritation to cold, wet fear. He shook his head rapidly, as if to say, "You wouldn't."

But Vanessa's smile grew as she nodded her head enthusiastically. "Oh, but I would."

The engine roared, the headlights' yellow glare shrank our pupils down to size, and the car shot toward us. The mercenaries looked at each other in fear, as if to question, "Should we scatter?" But Johnny whirled to them. "Hold your ground! And aim your weapons at those kids!" He looked back at Vanessa after they obeyed his command, threatening to order them to fire if she came any closer. She only pushed on the gas harder.

Oh, she would have made a fine spy with all that spunk.

But wait. Something was missing. My head snapped to her father, who stood leaning back on one leg with his arms crossed, staring up at the sky.

Perry crawled up his back onto his shoulder and gave him a sharp slap in the face.

"Ach!" he shouted, shaking his head to ward away the pain. "What was that fo—Oh! Right! Behold! The Transportinator-inator!"

The robot passed the small, blinking, metal box to Irving, who caught on quickly and passed it to Candace, who passed it to Buford, then to Baljeet, to Isabella, to me, to Perry, and finally to the scientist. Then raising it high, he gave it a shake. Pulsing blue light started to leak out of its sides and form a beam onto the street out among our enemies. Startled, Johnny finally released the command he'd been holding in for a long time: "Fire!"

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

The minute I saw Johnny's thugs lifting their weapons, I knew what had to be done. "Vanessa!" I screamed. "Park this thing in front of those guns!"

"Are you crazy?!" she cried. "We'll be shot!"

There was no time for explanations. I twisted to face her and crawled up onto my armrest, nearly strangling myself with the seatbelt, and I yelled so loudly it burned my throat, "_DO IT NOW!_"

Uncertainly, but seeing no other choice, Vanessa pushed that pedal for all she was worth. The sudden burst of energy brought us smack-dab in the middle of the oncoming bullets.

**~~~OMG! A cliff-hanger! I'm so evil! Mwahaha! Le gasp! Perry's secret is out! And it went pretty similarly to the first time Phineas found out. Deja vu, huh? Can I get an, ****_"Ooh, yeah_****!" to Phineas taking charge! Sometimes all he needs is a little shove in the right direction. Norm got his first POV! *applause* Who else thinks Johnny is a total nut-job?**

**Thank you all! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! :D**


	11. Better Me Than You

**Hiya, guys! Sooo sorry it took so long to update, but a cliffhanger is a cliffhanger for a reason, right? Been working on a few side projects (yes, you will be reading some more PnF stuff from me). Now, without further ado, the next chapter! ~~~**

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

The loudest sound I've ever heard was the constant drumbeat of those balls of steel pelting the side of the car. I kept expecting to experience incredible pain in some part of my body. Any second now, I feared I would lose an arm, or part of my leg, or my head, or something else.

But I never did. And when I dared to open my eyes, I saw that we were still alive and well. I reached over and touched Vanessa's tense shoulder. She jumped, nearly banging her head on the ceiling, but then she turned and looked at me, her eyes filled with wonder. "Bullet-proof?" she asked, dumbfounded.

I nodded and smiled weakly. "Uh-huh. Most of the things Ferb makes are."

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

We all flinched and held our breaths. The mercenaries raised their automatic rifles and yanked back on the triggers. But not a single one of us was hit. The shadow of an angel's wings delivered us from death that day: the car had just barely come between us and our enemies as the bullets gusted into the air. After a second or two, the driver's window rolled down and the mid-section door rolled open. Vanessa stuck her bust out the window and gestured wildly at us. "In! In! _In!"_

Buford, of course, pushed everyone else out of the way and entered first, but Phineas and Candace made sure that all of the others got into the car. By that time, old Doof's Inator had appeared for all to see. Perry leapt up onto the peak of the machine and slapped on his hat as Doof and Norm hurried into the car. Now it was just us two.

Enemies dove at us from every side. One in particular went at my head with his rough knuckles. I aimed for a split-second; then threw a fist accurately into his gut. Another one came at my right. I tripped his feet out from under him. I felt air rushing at the back of my neck: a fist was traveling at high speed to my back. I dropped to my knees, rolled onto my back, and kicked his shins repeatedly until he collapsed. Another foe, another blow. Another day in the life of Ferb Fletcher.

Perry was doing an excellent job of holding off his attackers. They didn't give him their best because, as he was a platypus, they assumed all that was required to overtake him was physical strength, but each lacked the skill (and the brains) to even bring a real challenge to his table. Dodging bullets and throwing punches, he was unstoppable, and enemies fell all around him like leaves coloring a forest floor until the ground could hardly be seen.

The Inator started to rumble and vibrate, shaking the ground. My eyes sought my fellow agent's until they met. Our thoughts were conveyed by our serious faces.

It was time to go.

Thud! I felt my skull was shrinking around my brain. Fireflies danced in front of me as, in darkness, I fell to my knees. I reached back and touched the back of my head; my fingers came back warm and wet.

"That's for stealing my girl."

Bulky, punk boots came around from behind me. I winced with pain as I forced my head up at the hated figure above me. Johnny held his pistol backwards in his hand. I knew now that he must have bashed me with the butt of the gun. And now I was helpless to stop a second blow.

But Perry wasn't.

A flash of teal. Johnny was on the ground. No, wait—he was in the air! No, he was on the ground again, being karate-chopped! My fellow agent bought me time enough to recover some. Dazed still, I glanced about in some confusion. Only then did I see that the Inator was now shaking violently and heating up to dangerous levels. Any second it would blow. We had to get out of there!

My senses came flooding back to me via my spy's instincts. Perry and I would never clear the explosion in time. But the others…

"Phineas!" I shouted over the sounds of war. "Pull the yellow lever!"

"What?" my brother shouted from the open door. "Ferb, I can't!"

"Yes, you can!"

"I won't!"

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

"What's the yellow lever?" I dared to ask.

"Takeoff," Phineas answered. Worry was apparent in his blue eyes. "That means leaving him and Perry behind."

I gasped. "No!" There was no way we were going to make it far enough to be safe from the explosion, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't let Ferb or Perry die out there. I went for my seatbelt.

_"No!"_ Phineas shouted, grabbing my arms. "I promised Ferb I'd keep you safe!"

"But he's hurt!" I protested.

Someone shrieked from the backseat. It was a nasty, estranged, nerdy-sounding noise, and it was _loud_.

"_Ferb_ is _hurt_?" Irving cried. He flung the door wide open and dashed out.

"Irving!" Isabella called after him.

I was amazed at the change that had come over the guy. His teeth were barred, his hair was messy; his eyes were wild. He was a blur as he snatched up Ferb and Perry, too, and zoomed back like a rocket in less than two seconds. "Let's ride!"

"Vanessa, go!" Phineas shouted.

I put the pedal to the floor, only instead of bursting forward on the highway, Phineas threw the yellow lever, and the entire car lifted into the air and shot ahead like a bullet (maybe it's still too early to compare it to that). Everyone held onto something until we had reached the desired altitude. Our ride evened out now. It was smooth sailing from there.

"Whoa! That was so cool!" Buford exclaimed. "Woop! Let's do that again soon!"

Everyone flashed him a disgusted glare that shut him up.

I sighed deeply. This had gone too far; crossed to many lines. It wasn't anybody's fault, so I wasn't mad: I was too exhausted to blame anyone.

"Dad, how is he?" I asked.

"He's fine," Dad replied. "He's got a nasty gash on the back of his head, though. I'm guessing stitches are in order."

"I'm fine," Ferb started to insist, but he was cut off when Candace smacked his arm.

"Not to put too fine a point on it, Ferbotron," Phineas said frowning, "but you are _so_ grounded. I'm taking away your toolbox, your sketchbook, your video games, your watercolors, your…"

As Ferb's brother went on about how much trouble he'd be in when they told his parents, with Candace loving every minute of Phineas' doing her job for her, I glanced at everyone in the rearview mirror and sighed. They all looked so scared. And they had every right to be! Most of them were kids! They'd probably never even _seen_ a gun! Some of them were geniuses, yes, but still. It was the same trip.

I looked back at Ferb and his family. Perry was up on his hind legs chattering and hissing, pointing his finger at my rescuer as if to say, "What have you got to say for yourself?" Phineas and Candace both wore the same expression—total, flat-out anger—and both had their hands placed on their hips (they really looked alike when they did that). They were spitting harsh words at Ferb about trust, safety, curfew, and all the same stuff he'd probably hear from his parents when they got home. And the tedious expression on his face told me he knew it.

I gazed at his reflection in my rearview mirror. He was doing a good job at hiding the fact that he was in pain and might even have a serious head injury. His hat had been removed, and he had shed his motorcycle jacket so that now he was starting to look less like a secret agent hero and more like the Ferb he'd been when I'd met him years before at the Blueprints Emporium back when he was ten. He'd matured, grown in body and intellect. His muscles were toned. There was something in the way he looked at me that made me want to fall to my knees. No guy had ever made me feel as safe as I did when I was with him, and right now I felt more strongly for him than ever before, but I had to remind myself: he's two years younger than you, Vanessa. It's true that when Mom met my Dad she was nineteen and he was twenty-four, but their marriage didn't last. So, how could I expect a future relationship with Ferb to work? He was a spy, I was an evil scientist's daughter. He was a good guy, and I was a bad girl. People don't change for other people, princes don't go for witches, and fairytales don't come true. Not to mention, my dad didn't like him. Ferb was possibly the sweetest, cutest, coolest, kindest, most chivalrous, good, thoughtful guy I'd ever met. He was a great listener, a great person, and a great friend.

And he had almost died because of _me_.

In the rearview mirror, I saw Phineas and Candace both hugging Ferb. Candace kissed his forehead and told him to promise her that he'd "never pull a stupid stunt like that again". Perry, looking worn-out and stressed-out, chirped affectionately and licked his green-haired owner's hand. Ferb scratched the animal behind the ears and returned each hug he received. They made an adorable family.

And I wasn't about to let anything happen to any one of them, great or small.

I knew what I had to do.

**_ ~Doof's POV~_**

I was more than relieved that my daughter was all right. One thing I knew: this Ferb guy was going to be a problem. I remembered him: back when Major Monogram and I did the commentary for the "Chronicles of Meap" episode, I saw him making eyes at my daughter and knew he was trouble. He had that crazy green hair, and one eye was way bigger than the other, and his head was shaped vaguely like my apartment building. I knew he couldn't be good. As I said in the commentary, that guy just rubs me in the wrong way. He rubs me… in the exact opposite of the right way to rub someone. He's all silent and shifty, he can fight like Perry the Platypus—I don't like him. He's a hoodlum. But I did my best to care for that bump on his head with Norm's first-aid kit—didn't even know he had one of those. I should really read his instruction manual!

**_~Norm's POV~_**

Yes. Yes, you should.

**_~Doof's POV~_**

Quiet, you.

Anyway, when everyone began to settle down, that Ferb guy took the passenger seat all to himself. Concerned for what he might say to her, I sat behind the pair and listened inconspicuously. I noticed that Perry the Platypus, sitting in the seat to my left on the other end of the car, appeared to be doing the exact same thing. Well, of course! Why wouldn't he? Who would want their kid to go out with their arch nemesis' daughter?

I looked Perry's way. Our eyes met. One thing was certain, and that was that we agreed on one thing: Ferb and Vanessa could _not_, and _would_ not, be together.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

The thunderous pain in the back of my head did nothing to lighten my spirits. The only thing that heartened me was the beautiful girl in the driver's seat. With her at my side, fingers enfolded delicately around the leather covering of the wheel, I was taken back to the day we presented the car to her. She had sat there just like that, a smile on her face, and I had wished for nothing more than that moment to never end.

That moment seemed like a hundred years ago now. That was before we had fallen into this mess, before she had gotten to know me and I to know her. Things were different now. She wasn't just a pretty stranger anymore. She was that Goth daughter of a mad scientist with a robot for a brother and a life just as crazy as mine. She was Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, and she made me proud to be Ferb Fletcher.

The dark, grey clouds hushed past us like so many balls of cotton in a starless sky. Glittering city lights below hinted that we were nearing civilization once again. Good. From there we could regroup and decide what to do next.

"Ferb," Vanessa spoke up. "I haven't been very grateful. I'm sorry for that. I don't know how I'll ever repay you for all that you've done for me."

I shrugged modestly.

"No, really," she said. "Ever since I've met you, you've been nothing less than wonderful to me, and I've been dirt to you. You rescued me in Paris, and I left you alone on the EiffelTower. You built me a car, and I hurt your feelings. You rescued me from my evil ex-boyfriend, and I never once did anything in return." She looked at me earnestly. "You saved my life. Someday I'll return the favor. That's a promise."

I smiled and nodded my thanks.

"No," she said. "Thank _you_."

A silence followed, but this time, she didn't look uncomfortable with it.

I didn't know I had closed my eyes until I opened them and realized that I'd dozed off. We were back on the ground, and we'd stopped moving. One glance out the window revealed that we were parked in the lot of an airport. Sparkling lights dazzled me from the windows of the building. Great planes whooshed past us overhead, probably carrying tens of people to where they wanted or needed to go. I covered my mouth and yawned, trying to shake the sleepiness which fogged my mind.

It had gotten awfully quiet behind me. I turned to check on the others.

Empty? I was alone?

Tap, tap!

Candace stood outside my window. I looked at her quizzically; she just shrugged and jerked her head, signaling me to come out. I did so. My family and friends all stood in a line facing Vanessa, Doofenshmirtz, and Norm. I stood by Vanessa.

"I'm sorry, everyone," she said, "but things have gotten way out of hand. I can't keep putting all of you in danger because my ex-boyfriend's got issues. You can all get plane tickets here and take the next flight back to Danville."

I saw the sad faces of my friends and family and felt sorry for them, but she was right: it would be a mistake to bring them along. It would be hard enough to explain to Father that I'd taken up spywork again. I didn't want to think how difficult it would be to face him knowing that I'd brought harm to someone close in the process.

"But that isn't fair," Isabella objected. "We're just as much a part of this now as you. We're your friends: we wanna help you."

"You can't," Vanessa said resolutely. "It's too dangerous. I won't have any of you getting hurt. You're going home and that's final."

Good for her.

"But what about Ferb?" Irving asked.

Vanessa glanced at me as she spoke. "Ferb's going back with you."

I froze. Something didn't sound right about that. Going back where? Back to Danville? Back home? That didn't make sense. I was needed. I had to protect her. She would get hurt! How could she send me back?

"But, Vanessa," I said. I stared up at her. "You don't know where to go."

"Actually, I do know a place," said Vanessa. "We'll be safe with my grandpa."

"What?!" Doofenshmirtz cried. He was ignored.

"But you don't have a plan," I tried desperately. Anything to get her to take me with her.

"We'll think of something," Vanessa assured me.

Some of the hurt I felt slipped through in my voice. "But I thought you wanted me with you."

Vanessa's brow wrinkled in sympathy and regret. "I _don't_ want you to get hurt."

"But _you_ might be hurt," I suggested.

The corner of her mouth stretched a bit in a half-smile, half-grimace. She knelt before me; now she could look up instead of down at me. With a sigh in her voice, she said incredibly softly, "Better me than you."

I felt cold and numb as she rose in slow motion and got into the car with her father and robotic brother. When she sat down in the driver's seat, she looked at me again, and for a minute there, I prayed she'd change her mind. But she turned the keys in the ignition. The headlights blinded me. My friends had already turned and started into the airport. I didn't move. I only stood there staring after her as she slowly drove away.

Her taillights had almost flickered out of view when I finally got out the words I'd wanted to say before she walked away. "But… I love you."

**~~~ OMG! That was the final chapter OF PART ONE. Pretty epic, huh? Le gasp! Ferbessa cliffhanger! And Irving was totally awesome saving Ferb, right? And who would've thought that Doof's constant failure was depended upon for the escape plan? Well, I'm 'onna be posting more soon. Until then, merry early Christmas! :D Reviews are my candy canes and presents!**


	12. You Jump, I Jump

**HELLO! I'm super excited to finally get to share this one with you! Here is the twelfth chapter and beginning of PART TWO of "Our Kind of Weird". It's really long and was one of ****_the _****most fun and hilarious chapters to write. Phineas becomes a much more prominent character from here on out, and *SPOILER* Phinabella begins to take flight in this one! This one contains spoilers for the movie, ****_Titanic_****, so be warned (the ship sinks?!) OH! And about the PnF youtube video link to a certain ****_Counting Crows _****song: I MADE that video with my little sis. Comments are much appreciated. ;) And I'm aware that some of the lyrics are different in the story; I tweaked them to better suit the characters (and to avoid confusion). So, without further ado, please enjoy one of my favorite chapters of the whole fic, "You Jump, I Jump"!~~~**

**PART TWO**

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

The sky was grey. The clouds were grey. The rain that started to pelt me was grey. All I saw, and felt, and tasted was grey. As the rain came down, a slow, sad song began to play, and special guest star Dierks Bentley came up and whipped out his guitar. He began singing my mind for me.

[Song link: watch?v=dHMltfXpzjo]

_"I must look just like a fool,  
Here in the middle of the road,  
Standing in your rearview  
And getting soaked to the bone._

_This land is flat as it is mean.  
A man can see for a hundred miles,  
So, I'm still praying I might see  
The glow of a brake light." _

The rain came down harder; icy sheets, blows on my back, drenching me to my core. And she didn't show any indications of slowing down.

_"But your wheels just turn  
Down the road ahead.  
If it hurts at all,  
You ain't showed it yet.  
I keep a-lookin' for  
The slightest sign  
That you might miss  
What you left behind.  
I know there's no stopping you now…_

_You're just a tiny dot  
On the horizon line.  
Come on, tap those brakes,  
Baby, just one time.  
I know there's nothing stopping you now.  
I'm not asking you to turn back around.  
I'd settle for a slowdown."_

I sadly began to follow the others inside.

_"Come on, just slow down.  
I'd settle for a slowdown…"_

As we stood in line while Candace purchased our plane tickets with her emergency credit card, my spirits drifted lower and lower into despair. I wanted to sleep forever. I didn't want to face the day feeling this way. I wanted be invisible. The world around me already was.

The next thing I knew, we were boarding. Few people would be traveling to Danville at this time of year, so the plane had frequent empty seats. I chose a spot by the window so that I could gaze down at the runway below as we took off.

What an idiot for thinking that things might happen for a reason! What a moron for believing in Fate, for thinking that some things are somehow meant to be; that I was special.

What a fool for thinking that she might feel something for me.

**_~Isabella's POV~_**

I could hardly breathe when Phineas chose the seat next to me. What next? Was he going to hold my hand? Tell me I was pretty? Whisper to me in French?

I smacked myself in the forehead. Get real, Isabella! He's only sitting next to you because he feels awkward around Ferb! I sighed. Always a last resort. Never a first choice.

Phineas looked at me funny. "Are you okay? Why did you hit yourself?"

I blushed. "Uh… there was a bug."

"Oh," he said boredly. He stared ahead with lackluster eyes.

A thought occurred to me. _"No, no!" _I told myself_. "If you want him to sit by you, then no!"_ But my loyal side won out. _"This isn't about me. And Phineas will come around when he's ready."_ I took a deep breath. "Phineas," I said sweetly. "Maybe you should go talk to Ferb."

"No," he said almost immediately. "I'm too upset right now."

"Ferb looks pretty upset, too," I urged.

Phineas glanced briefly over at his brother where he sat a few seats up the aisle on the right side of the plane. He did a double-take. Ferb really did look dejected…

"He probably feels a lot worse than you right now," I nudged him. "He's got a head injury, he almost got shot, everyone's mad at him, he's got being grounded to look forward to, and he just got rejected by the girl he likes. I wouldn't call that a perfect day. Would you?"

Phineas' expression softened. "No," he said with resignation. "No, I wouldn't." He sighed and ran his fingers through his Ariel-red locks. "I don't know what to say."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," I assured him. I smiled. "You always did come up with the big ideas, Mr. Inventor."

He flashed me a grin that made his freckles glow. Bending over the armrest which divided us, he planted a kiss on my cheek. "Thanks, Isabella."

My eyes flew out of focus and made my burning head spin. My stomach flipped as he hopped out of his chair and went to sit by Ferb.

"Sure," I said after he'd gone. "No prob."

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

"See anything interesting in the clouds?"

Ferb looked up as I took a seat next to him. He shrugged after a pause. We looked at each other, studied each other, beheld each other, for a time before I spoke up, slicing through the unwelcome silence.

"I dreamt about Dad."

Ferb's head snapped up to me, registered with pity.

"The night you left," I finished. "I dreamt I was in danger. You weren't there. I needed you, but you weren't there." I shut my eyes in memory. "You abandoned me, just like Dad." The images of the nightmare ignited in my mind. Instead of shooing them away, I let them play out. I relived it, knowing that I would never escape the pain until I experienced it. So I did. When the dream ended, I opened my eyes again. "When I woke up and realized you were gone, I panicked. I didn't understand. I jumped to conclusions pretty quickly. And then Perry… I didn't know what to do. I'm too used to not being able to trust the people I love." I looked intently at him. "So I need to know the truth, because I don't wanna lose faith in people. I don't wanna lose faith in you."

Ferb hesitated, his lips pressed firmly together. He was holding something back still.

"It's okay," I assured. "I won't rush you this time. You'll say something when you're ready, just like you always do."

Having gotten all of that out, I leaned my head against the back of my seat and shut my eyes. Now all I had to do was wait.

"Her name was Ivy."

I opened an eye. "Who?"

"My mother," Ferb answered.

Whoa. This was big. From the first day I met him, Ferb had never talked about his mother, and I'd never dared to ask. I talked about my father openly with him, but since he never brought up his past, I never pried. So for him to bring her up now was huge. I sat up straight and leaned closer to show that I was listening.

"She had an adorable French accent." He smiled a little pensively. "I used to try and imitate the way she said 'library'. I could never quite get it down. But, then, Marilyn was always better with impressions. I absolutely hated life undercover, but she made everything fun and enthralling—a bit like you."

"Who was she?" I asked.

"My sister."

I gasped. "Ferb, I didn't know you—"

"Phineas, why do you think my last name is Bond?"

I shrugged. "Well, it was probably your father's last name, who must have gotten it from his father, and his before."

Ferb gave me an expectant look that seemed to mean, "And…?"

I frowned. "I'm not following you, Ferb."

Ferb looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he said, "Did you know that Father's first name isn't Lawrence?"

My mouth dropped open. "It isn't?"

Ferb shook his head briefly. "No. He is Jack Albert Manfred Edgar Saul Bond, but he was better known as James, or just Mr. Bond."

"Fancy name," I remarked. "What is _up_ with your family and really long names?"

"They make changing identities easier," Ferb replied.

I wore a blank expression on my face. "What? Why would you need to do that? Were you guys, like, detectives or something?"

Ferb looked at me, serious. "No, Phineas. We were spies."

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

He really was shaken when I told him. His face blanched, and I thought he was going to pass out.

"My brother's a spy?" he asked himself.

But he startled me by jumping up and exclaiming, "That's awesome! How long? What else? Is there more? Tell me!"

And I did. I told him everything, and I mean everything. I told him how scared I felt when Mum got shot. I told him how sick I felt when the building exploded and I realized that I would never see my heroic little sister again. I told him why I didn't tell him everything in the first place.

"You were just trying to protect me," he realized when it all sank in. "You were trying to forget: to escape the old life you thought you'd left behind. But you didn't, did you? Fate decreed that you would put on the old suit again."

He must have seen the light go out in my eyes at the mention of Fate.

"What's the matter?"

I sighed. It was Fate that made me think that perhaps I'd have a chance with Vanessa. But look where that's gotten me. She still treats me like a kid."

"You _are_ a kid," Phineas reminded me. "But so is she. And she can't kick chassis like you can." He smirked, refusing to let me shake his eyes until I smiled back. And I did.

Then he held up a hand. "Wait. I just caught something. You're saying you think she's not into you because she sent you home?"

I nodded slowly. _"Where is he going with this?"_ I wondered of my brother, who was a true genius; though when it came to the romance department, he was definitely slow.

"Dude!" He smacked himself in the forehead. "That's a total move on her part! It isn't that she sent you back because she didn't want you to get in the way. On the contrary! She made you go back because she couldn't bear the thought of anything bad happening to you. She loves you, Ferb!" He excitedly tapped the space between his mouth and his neck (no, not his chin: he doesn't have one of those) in thought, just like he always did when he knew he was onto something. "Why, it's even in the movies! Remember that famous flick we watched about that giant cruise ship that sank? In one of the most memorable scenes, Jack is consumed by fear that the woman he loves will die on the ship because she won't leave him, so he lies to her by saying that he'll get on another lifeboat for men only on the other side of the ship. He knows he'll die, but he loves her too much to bear the thought of her getting hurt, so he sends her away just like Vanessa did you."

I gaped at him. Could he actually be right about this? "What happens next?" I asked.

"For Jack's sake, Rose gets into the lifeboat with the other women and children. But as it's being lowered into the freezing-cold sea below, she realizes that no matter what he said before, she can't leave him behind. She's so determined that she _will not_ let him fight alone, so at the last possible second, she leaps back onto the ship and runs to her beloved."

I could hear Isabella sighing dreamily from somewhere behind us. Phineas really was very good at retelling the story.

"Jack seizes her, takes her sobbing form into his arms, and demands to know why she would do such a stupid thing. Now she'll die too! But Rose gazes up at him and tells him what he told her the first time they met: 'You jump, I jump.'"

Wow. That's a powerful line there. Phineas had sold it hard. One thing was now glaringly apparent to me: I really had to rewatch that movie. Oh, and also…

"I need to find Vanessa."

**_~Perry's POV~_**

From Baljeet's lap, I could see, but not hear, my boys in their seats. I was glad to see that they'd made up and even happier when I saw Ferb whip out some blueprints to discuss with Phineas.

I released an inward sigh of relief. Yes, everything was slowly getting back to normal. I'd even caught Doof trying to trip the flight attendants as they passed by.

About thirty minutes into our flight, both boys got up.

"Where are you going?" Candace asked.

"…The restroom," Phineas told her…

…scratching his ear. That was his nervous habit. Which meant something was up. But Candace didn't seem to notice. I followed the two with my eyes, seeing how they quickened their pace the farther away they got. What were they up to?

My stomach gave a jolt as the plane lurched in the sky.

Candace sat up alert as a blood hound and narrowed her eyes. "Phineas and Ferb."

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

"How do you think we're doing time-wise?" Phineas shouted over the thunderous roaring of wind rushing from the open emergency exit room of the plane. It was terrifying to look down at all of the little people and houses below—I'd say they looked like ants, but that's probably overused. Just one dizzying glance out the door was enough to give you a false heart attack. I took a deep, shaky breath. "You jump, I jump," I murmured.

"Literally," added Phineas. "Now, does it feel secure?"

I flashed him a thumbs-up in reply and tightened the straps of the super parachute/hang-glider we'd just built.

"And you're tracking her through the GPS?"

I nodded.

"Excellent," said Phineas. "When you find her, give me a call. Where do you think she is?"

"Gimmelshtump," I replied.

Phineas' gaze lingered on me briefly, probably because my answer had sounded so definite. "Okay, then," he said glancing down at the blueprints in his hand. "You're ship-shape, top-notch, and good to go." He looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Are you ready, Mr. Bond?"

I smirked and whacked him.

"What?" he asked, still playful. "Do they call you 007 instead?"

"Well, actually, I'm called 0010."

He stared. "Dude, I was kidding. Anything else I should know?"

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

A mischievous smirk touched his lips. He backed to the edge of the door and stood there facing me, preparing to jump backwards like a scuba diver.

"Isabella likes you."

Just like that, he was gone. I ran to the edge and watched him soaring down below.

_"What are you doing?!"_

Candace _and_ Perry stormed up to me, seething with anger.

"You told me you were just going to the restroom! Did you _lie_?"

A piece of information that had been divulged to me previously occupied my mind too forcefully to allow me room enough to form the words. Dumbfounded, I nodded mutely.

Candace grunted and ran to the door. "He gets it from you, you know!" she screamed. "You're a bad example! _Ferb Fletcher, you are so busted!_" She swiveled to me as Perry took off after him in his hang-glider. "And so are you, mister! When Mom finds out about this, you'll never see the light of day again! You'll be…"

Her voice sounded more hollow and echoey as it faded into the background. I honestly forgot she was even there.

"Phineas, are you even listening to me?"

I replayed the sentence in my head again and again to see if maybe I was misinterpreting things. But no, he looked so proud of himself for leaving me no time to say anything afterwards that it must have been true: Isabella likes me. Who saw _that _coming?

**_~Candace's POV~_**

I did.

**_~Baljeet's POV~_**

Me, too.

**_~Buford's POV~_**

Like, five years ago, sucker.

**_~Irving's POV~_**

Absolutely.

**_~Doof's POV~_**

Yeah, I caught it.

**_~Norm's POV~_**

I knew.

**_~Perry's POV~_**

Sorry, Phineas.

**_~Stacy's POV~_**

Oooooh, yes.

**_~Jeremy's POV~_**

Dude, how could you not know?

**_~Little Suzy's POV~_**

There were so many signs.

**_~Alternate Dimension Doof's POV~_**

Yeah, that one's kind of a no-brainer.

**_~Pinky the Chihuahua's POV~_**

Yup.

**_~Paul the Delivery Guy's POV~_**

It's true, kid. I've known since the first day on the job.

**_~Ducky Momo's POV~_**

Quack.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

All right! All right! I get it! Sheesh! Way to make a guy feel confident, guys!

Okay, so, I guess I may have overlooked a few things… like Paris… and… the sap… and the cruise ship… and the song… and the flowers… and hearts…

Oh, no! She'd liked me all this time and I was too narrow-minded to see it! It never even crossed my mind that her "Whatcha doin's" might never have been directed at Ferb in any way.

"Phineas, _hello_! Earth to Phineas! I'm talking to you!"

Well, since I knew, now what? I'd just realized that she had liked me for years and I never saw it, so I knew I must have been the source of a lot of stress on her part, which meant that now I had to make up for it. I'm an inventor: once I see a problem, I can't focus on anything else until it's solved. It's who I am. I had to fix this, just like I'd done for Ferb. I couldn't leave her to figure things out on her own.

I chuckled to myself. "You jump, I jump," I muttered, in awe that the phrase kept popping up.

And I guess the real question now was… did I like her back? I concentrated all my energy and mental power on this one question. I'd never thought harder about anything else. It took so much focus that it made my brain hurt. I replayed all of those moments since that day we met. I'd never really thought of Isabella _that _way.

Or had I? Memories came shooting back at me of the time I built her the haunted house to get rid of her hiccups, all the days I'd spent trying to help her get patches, the day we went inside her dog Pinky's stomach to retrieve her sash for her, the time we attempted to build her the giant sundae… And then there was when we shot that big, beautiful rainbow across Danville for her… and how she defeated Mitch just by being cute in the second Meap episode…

As my mind started processing things at nine hundred miles an hour, a little smile crossed my mouth. I stared ahead into space as it grew and grew until it was a full-fledged grin. My heart felt like a butterfly's wings beating relentlessly against the inside of my chest, my palms grew clammy, and the world around me was spinning—or maybe I was flying? Well, either way, one thing was certain, and it hit me like a curve ball in the face: I knew absolutely nothing about love.

Love. That was the first time the word had occurred to me, and it squeezed the oxygen out of me.

"Phineas, what's the problem?!"

I slowly pivoted and looked up at Candace. She was still way beyond mad, but I didn't notice. My heart was too light to feel gravity and my mind was too filled with fluff to care. "What's my problem?" I asked myself, as well as her. "I dunno. Well, maybe…. I'm in love."

She gawked at me. Obviously she hadn't expected that answer.

A wave of excitement came over me. It was too much to contain. I grinned broadly up at my sister and declared, "I think it's high time for a song!"

"What?" she asked. "On a plane? Are you nuts?"

"It's a cartoon, Candace," I reminded her. "We can do anything!"

A flight attendant appeared out of nowhere with a rock guitar and started playing a catchy intro as the soundtrack guys gave me an upbeat tempo to carry the melody with.

Candace groaned and covered her eyes with one hand. "Oh, no."

The guy played a round; and then the second time leading into verse one, another attendant came in with a guitar and harmonized with the first all the way to my part.

**[Song link (check out our video!):** watch?v=vprBawy-W1E** ]**

I didn't need a mic to make myself heard.

_"So she said, 'What's the problem, baby'?  
What's my problem? I don't know. Well,  
Maybe I'm in love."_

Three more flight attendants popped up and echoed, "Love!"

_"I think about it. Every time I think about it.  
Can't stop thinking 'bout it!_

_How much longer will it take to cure this?  
Just to cure it 'cause I can't ignore it if it's  
Love, love. Makes me wanna turn around and face me,  
But I don't know nothing 'bout love. Ah-ah-ah…"_

I grabbed Candace's arms and made her spin with me, despite her protests.

_"Come on, come on!  
Turn a little faster.  
Come on, come on!  
The world will follow after.  
Come on, come on!  
Because everybody's after love."_

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

From where I was in the episode, I could somehow hear Phineas singing a cute love song from the plane. So, he'd finally clicked. I smiled. Since the scene was showing me now, I supposed I should keep the song going.

_"So I said I'm a snowball running,  
Running out into the spring that's coming.  
All this love, melting under blue skies belting out…"_

I could hear him harmonizing with me.

_"…sunlight shimmering love."_

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

**Phineas:  
**_"Well, baby, I surrender to the  
Strawberry ice cream; never, ever ender—all this love!"_

**Ferb:  
**_"And, well, I didn't mean to do it… _

**Ferb harmonizing with Phineas:  
**_"But there's no escaping her love. Ah-ah-ah._

These lines of lightning mean we're  
Never alone, never alone. No, no."

"Oh, gimme a break!" Candace exclaimed.

**Ferb:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Phineas:  
**_"Move a little closer."_

Candace crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. She didn't realize, however, that she was tapping to the beat of the song.

**Ferb:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Phineas:  
**_"I wanna hear her whisper."_

**Ferb:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Phineas:  
**_"Settle down inside my…"_

**All:  
**_"…love."_

**Phineas:  
**_"Ah-ah-ah.  
Come on, come on!"_

**Ferb:  
**_"Jump a little higher!"_

Candace rolled her eyes and sighed.

**Phineas:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Ferb:  
**_"If you feel a little lighter…"_

**Phineas:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Ferb:  
**_"We were once upon a time in…"_

**Phineas harmonizing with Ferb:  
**_"Love."_

Candace's will was faltering. Okay, so this was pretty cute.

The song grew softer here.

**Phineas:  
**_"I'm accidentally in love. Accidentally in love."_

**Ferb:  
**_"Accidentally in love. Accidentally in love."_

The music began to build. We were surprised when Candace relented and joined in (she never could resist showing off her beautiful voice).

**Candace and Phineas harmonizing with Ferb:  
**_"Accidentally in love. Accidentally in love.  
Accidentally in love. Accidentally in love.  
Accidentally!"_

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

The music swelled and then bursted here into layers of voices and instruments. Through split-screen, I could see Phineas spinning around in circles.

**All (Phineas & Ferb doing the main part, with backup from Candace & the flight attendants):  
**_"I'm in love, I'm in love!  
I'm in love, I'm in love!  
I'm in love, I'm in love  
Accidentally!"_

_"I'm in love, I'm in love!  
I'm in love, I'm in love!  
I'm in love, I'm in love!  
Accidentally!"_

**All:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Candace:  
**_"Spin a little tighter!"_

**All:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Ferb:  
**_"And the world's a little brighter!"_

**All:  
**_"Come on, come on!"_

**Phineas:  
**_"Just get yourself inside her…"_

**All:  
**_"Lo-o-ove."_

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

I clasped my hands together and gazed into space dreamily, leaning up against Ferb through split-screen as the song ended.

**Phineas and Ferb:  
**_"I'm in lo-o-ove."_

I sighed deeply. Ferb disappeared, along with the flight attendants and their instruments, and everything went back to a relative state of normalcy.

Don't you just love spontaneous song and dance numbers?

"What on earth was that?" Candace asked herself.

So, it was true. Isabella liked me and I liked her back. Now all I had to do was tell her.

"Whatcha doin'?"

I spun around. Isabella stood with her hands behind her back in the hall.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed. When I recovered from the fright, I stammered, "I mean, uh, nothing that concerns… you. At all. Just Ferb. Flying away."

"What?" she asked, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

"Oh—fr—th—umm… Parachute!" I laughed nervously. "He had a parachute. He's gone to rescue Vanessa."

"Again?" she cried.

"Wait! It's different this time! I helped him go. She needs him."

Isabella looked unconvinced. "What were those flight attendants doing in here? I saw them come out with rock guitars."

"Oh, uh…" I looked around, scratching my ear. "They were… practicing. A song. Yeah."

Candace smacked herself in the forehead.

"Okaaay," said Isabella. "Well, now what?"

Candace answered for me. "What do you think? We go after Ferb. Again."

"I'll pack my things," Isabella said with a shrug.

"I'll do it for you," I offered.

She looked at me strangely. "Phineas, I was being sarcastic. I don't have anything to pack. We left in the middle of the night."

"Oh. Right."

As soon as she disappeared from the room, I sighed abruptly. This wasn't exactly going to be a walk in the park…

**~~~Three squees for Phinabella! Squee! Squee! Squee! I thought this was hilarious because it really demonstrates that, as I quote from the famous KicsterAsh, "Phineas is really just a cute dork." The Ferb and Phineas bromance is back on track, Candace is mad, Perry is mad, Ferb is running away ****_again_****, and Phineas doesn't know a thing about love. This can only lead to one big mess. More soon! Reviews are sugarcanes and gingerbread men! :D**


	13. Welcome to Gimmelshtump

**Back for more! Here's a real sticky, sweet one. It's ****_loaded _****with Daddy-daughter, Ferb-Vanessa fluff. Tell me what you think!~~~**

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

As we turned around another corner on the lumpy, unpaved road, I could see my Dad gnawing off the rest of his fingernails. He risked another glance out the window at his primitive homeland.

"Dad, relax," I said to him again. "I'm sure Grandpa Doofenshmirtz will welcome you back with open arms."

"There's a reason you've seen hardly any of him since you were a baby, Vanessa," my dad shuddered. "He's not exactly the…" He held up his fingers like quotes. "…'fatherly type'."

"Well, I'm excited to meet him," I said, trying for once to keep positive.

My dad harrumphed dryly. "Yeah, and I'm sure you'll love your Uncle Onlyson. You know, Grandpa Doofenshmirtz probably won't like you anymore than he likes me. I'm just saying so that you don't your feelings hurt if he slams the door in your face."

We passed many quaint, little cottages that could have been the place, but Dad never spoke up, so we kept driving. The weather wasn't _that_ cloudy, and the grass was… I suppose, a relative form of green. People with elongated noses stood out everywhere, most wearing medieval peasant-looking clothing.

The last house we would pass on our quest looked just like all the others, and we would have kept driving, but then I recognized something about the chimney: it was shaped in that crooked letter "F" form like Dad's apartment building. Then I knew we were there.

It took some negotiating to get my dad out of the car, and some "pretty pleases" from Norm, but in some fifteen minutes we walked up to the front door together (I did the knocking). A stern man answered, wrinkled around the eyes, with spidery fingers and a helmet with mismatched horns on it. His eyes were tiny, like windows built too small for a house, and even more so when he squinted at me. "You look like a Doofenshmirtz," he said.

I smiled. "Yes, I am. I'm your granddaughter."

Now his eyes widened. "Vanessa?"

If he really was going to slam the door in my face, this was the time to do it. But instead a smile lit up his pale face. "Vanessa! Sweet pie! I haven't seen you since you were this big! Come and give your grandpapa a hug!"

So much for "not the fatherly type". I gave him a big hug and then moved out of the way for him to get the chance to take in the sight of his son (who now was peeking out behind Norm). And he definitely took it in, but with a frown. "Heinz," he said tolerantly.

"Papa," my dad squeaked.

"Do I get a hug, too?" Norm asked.

"No," Grandpa snapped.

Norm was suddenly behind my dad. "He's all yours," he announced.

Dad came forward and cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his head. "Heh, heh. Hello, Papa. It's, uh, it's been a long time."

"It has," said Grandpa.

"How's… uh… how's Mama?"

"Good," Grandpa replied, apparently trying to use as few words as possible.

"So, Grandpa," I said to avoid an awkward silence that was surely around the corner. When he looked at me, I continued. "We're kind of in a pickle. Would it be too big a disruption for us to spend a few days here?"

He smiled again. "Of course _you_ can stay here, my pet. We've got a room you can have." He put an arm around me and began leading me into the house. But when he swung the door to close it, I put my foot in.

"Um, one condition," I said. "Dad and Norm get to stay here too."

Grandpa rolled his eyes. "Fine. Heinz, you can have the outhouse."

At my dad's grimace, I stepped in, a little more firmly than before. "Actually, I want him to stay with me. Is that okay?"

"Do whatever you like, my girl," said Grandpa, squishing my cheeks towards my nose. "I won't have a granddaughter of mine wanting for anything."

As we went into the living room, I could hear my dad muttering as he followed us, "Another day in the life of Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

~ O ~

The room was actually pretty nice after Grandpa moved my uncle somewhere else. There were two beds with faded yellow and green quilts spread out over them. The wallpaper was a cheery roses-with white-vines pattern over a dimmed golden background. The bedside tables each had an emerald vase with green carnations fanning out of them. The floor was hardwood and uncarpeted, but they made up for that with numerous rugs here and there. There was even a window in between the two beds.

"See, Dad?" I said. "It's not that bad. It's actually kinda nice. And I think I smell doonkleberry cookies."

He looked at me over his shoulder, arms still crossed.

"Your favorite," I sang.

His sour face thawed. "Oh, all right. You win. This _was_ a good idea."

I smiled and gave him a kiss.

**_~Doof's POV~_**

As we went about making ourselves at home, the few good memories from my childhood were a comfort to me, like warm milk or honey when you've got a sore throat. My parents still treated me coldly, but watching the way they behaved around my daughter was almost therapeutic in a way. I was happy that they at least gave her the love they should have given me. And mother even baked my favorite cookies. When evening came, I thought to myself how glad I was that Perry the Platypus wasn't here to ruin things for me. I might actually have a chance at repairing my inner scars.

Vanessa's unusually optimistic attitude was a help. But as the day drew to a close, I began to see through her guise to the sadness beneath. When we turned in for the night, she looked totally worn-out from putting on a show to make me feel better, and I felt a mixture of pride and guilt because of that. But there was nothing could be said as we blew out the candles and hoped to get some shut-eye.

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

The room felt more pleasant in the lively light of day. As Norm ironed dad's lab coat, I leaned up against the windowsill and gazed out the window at the Drusselsteinians that passed by here and there. I thought they were a curious lot, but I wasn't really paying them mind. I was thinking about Ferb and how hurt he'd looked when he realized I wouldn't let him come. How come the best choices are always the hardest to make? And it _was_ for the best. Wasn't it? Was it really because I wanted to keep him safe, or was it an unconscious effort to protect myself from him? To spare myself the pain of falling in love and then getting smothered by reality?

Dad must have noticed my pensiveness. He came over and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, sweetheart…" He waited for me to look at him: I didn't. "I'm sorry about things with Johnny not working out…"

I snorted. "Johnny? _That_ creep? I am so over him."

Dad nodded with understanding, though I could tell he didn't believe me, and he was right not to. "Mmm-hmm. You know, dear, you'll meet other boys."

Little did he know that an "other boy" was my problem. I wished I had my cell phone to vent to Lacy about it, but no. Why did I have to lose my one form of communication when I needed it the most? But then a thought came to me: _talking_ is a form of communication. A.k.a., talking with someone who really cares about you and wants you to be happy. But that would be so weird! I never talked to my dad about anything. I was a rebel: I wasn't supposed to tell him things.

Then again, Ferb was a spy: he wasn't supposed to tell me things. But he'd told me everything.

Maybe things _did_ happen for a reason.

I took a deep breath and sighed, releasing the tense hold on my shoulders. "That's the thing, Dad."

He looked at me attentively.

"I _did_ meet another boy. But there's a mild age difference: two years. Nothing major, and less than the difference between you and Mom, but… you guys didn't last, so why should we?"

There it was. I'd said it. Dad would probably tell me I was too young to think about boys too seriously and then try to get me to take up evil. He scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully. "This boy," he said. "What's he like?"

I blew air out through my mouth, which puffed up my cheeks. "Well, he's really smart and mature for his age. He knows how to handle himself in a pinch. He always puts me before himself. He's way chivalrous and he's got this really cool accent. He's kind, and witty, and gentle…" I realized something else; something I hadn't really thought about before. "And he doesn't talk much. I used to think this was because he was shy or perhaps conceited or just stupid, but then I found out it's because he's an incredible listener. He really cares about what you have to say, and he likes me for me."

Dad smiled. "Wow, he sounds like just the guy I'd pick out for you!"

At my stunned expression, he grew more serious.

"Now, this guy, does he seem like the kind who could take care of you?"

I nodded.

"And does he like children?"

I shrugged. "I think so. He's got an adorable family and a lot of kid friends."

Dad nodded slowly, processing. "And how does he feel about evil?"

"Dad!"

He held up his hands. "All right, all right." My dad cleared his throat. "So, you're afraid to get close to him because of what happened with me and your mother, is that right?"

I nodded.

"Sweetheart," said Dad. "Your mother and I… we had issues from the start. She didn't want to have kids, and I did—that isn't to say she isn't totally proud of having you, but things were different back then. Your mother expected me to fill in a hole in her life that was too big for me to fit in. And the same was on my part. We both only gave fifty percent, but a lasting relationship takes both partners giving their all. Now, does this guy seem like the kind of person who would give a hundred percent and keep nothing for himself?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, I think so."

"Even when things get rough?"

I thought about this, and then answered, "Yeah."

"Now, baby, this is really important. Say you got hitched and had five adorable little children. One of them has asthma, and another has a heart condition. And to top it all off, a bad flu is running through your whole family. You're all sick, the baby is crying, and you both lost your jobs and have no way to take care of your family. Is he the kind of guy who would blame you and take off, or would he be a real man, kiss you, and tell you that he was going to make things turn around or die trying?"

Wow. I really thought about this. I'd never had to consider something so important before. But I guess this was a sign that I was another step closer to becoming a woman. Dad was patient enough as I mulled his question over. And then when I was ready to answer, he was ready to listen.

"I think he'd take charge," I replied. "But I don't know him well enough to answer with certainty."

"Ah," said Dad. "Well, he sounds like a top-notch guy. If he really is all that you say he is, then I'd say you've got nothing to worry about. But mark my words: any guy will have to jump through some major hoops before I let him have you." He grinned and rustled my hair. "All right now?"

I could hardly believe how much better I felt. All this time I should have been talking things over with my dad! He was like a therapist! Except he was right here, whenever I needed him. I welcomed his arms around me. "Yeah. I feel a lot better. Thanks, Dad."

Dad rested his chin on my head. "No problem, sweetheart."

"Sorry to interrupt," Norm said in his usual overly-cheerful tone. "But I finished ironing your lab coat, Dad."

"I'm not your father," Dad grumbled. I laughed at that as he slid his arms through the sleeves. "But good job, Norm."

"Thanks, Dad."

Dad rolled his eyes. "He'll never learn, will he?"

"Nope," I said smiling.

**_~Perry's POV~_**

All through the clouded sky, I followed that rogue. As lightning struck, a threatening gesture to his parachute and my hang glider, I rode the wind in pursuit of my fellow agent. It didn't help that his chute had a propeller which boosted his velocity considerably. I was, however, much lighter than he, so I wasn't far behind. Unfortunately, I could never quite close the gap between us, and I was forced to follow him all the way to… Gimmelshtump? Why had he come here? But the memory of what Vanessa had said came to my mind: "We'll be safe with my grandpa." And by the way my nemesis had reacted, I could tell she hadn't meant her mother's father. She probably thought she was careful enough—of course she wouldn't want Ferb coming after her—but all it took to find her relatives was a quick Internet search. I mean, how many Doofenshmirtzes are there in the whole world? Not many, I'm sure. And there was, of course, the little matter with Ferb's GPS tracker. That scamp.

He landed in some field not far ahead of me and folded his machine up tiny enough to fit it in his pocket. Then he took off on a hovering skateboard. I put away my hang-glider, whipped out my hovercraft, and zoomed after him. Dodging houses, cows, people, and garden gnomes, the chase went on. His one mistake was when he slowed down a little to check his tracker more safely. Then I had him! I came close enough to shoot out the mechanical arm from my car and drag him back to me. He looked surprised to see me, even though he had known all the while that I was after him. I seized his wrist.

"Perry, let me go!" he ordered, trying to twist his thin arm out of my grasp. "I know what I'm doing! I will fight you if I must!"

A threat. He knew he couldn't really take me on, didn't he? It was true that he had been trained over a longer period of time than I, but I wasn't out of practice. Still, he was definitely determined. I almost wondered if he _would_ throw me down, given the chance.

But I didn't give him the chance. I released him, but with the understanding that I would hear him and he would listen to me.

I know you must be thinking, "But how can you communicate when you can't talk?" Well, keep in mind that Ferb doesn't talk much either. Not to mention, we had been trained by similar organizations. Take it from me: we find ways to communicate when it's necessary. This time, I used the keyboard which popped out of my dashboard. It had been designed for vocal communication. Each word I typed in would be recited out loud by a dull computer voice. It worked well in situations such as these.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I asked him, chattering angrily. "Running off after the daughter of my nemesis after she told you she doesn't want you around? Are you off your head?"

"Perhaps," Ferb answered. "But I know exactly what I'm doing."

"Really? What's that?"

"Rescuing a damsel in distress."

"She doesn't seem to be in any distress to me."

"Oh, but she is. She provoked a malicious worldwide organization and now is being hunted by skilled mercenaries who could assume any identity and go to any extreme to reach her. She might think she's safe here in this crumb of earth whence your nemesis came, but she is most certainly not. And unless I—"

"Save it," I cut in. "Don't con a con, Ferb. That might work on your brother, and maybe even on her, but not on me. I was trained to weave words by the exact same people as you. I _know_ how much danger she's in, but it could be months before Johnny locates her, and by then, they'll have found another place to hide."

"Perry," Ferb said earnestly. "_Please_ let me go. I have to be there for her."

"I'm doing you a favor. It's not part of my job as an agent to look after you boys, but it's part of my job as a member of the family to protect you from all harm, and between you and me, I put that job first."

"So do I."

I looked at him. It seemed as though he was finally relenting.

"Which is why you have to let me go."

"Good grief!" I rolled my eyes.

"She needs me, Perry. Not to mention…" He looked at my slyly. "… your nemesis might be able to cause a lot of trouble in his hometown."

Nuts. He had me there. How could I deny that? Doof could really start some serious trouble getting so close to the scene of his brokenness. I rubbed my temples. "All right. You win."

Ferb grinned.

"But, Ferb…"

He looked at me.

"Be careful. She's not a good girl."

"Well, maybe I'm a bit of a bad boy myself." He snatched the steering wheel and turned sharply onto another road, nearly pulling straight into a cart full of fruit.

Showoff. But I smirked. There was no arguing with Ferb.

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

Did the weather _ever_ change in Gimmelshtump? We'd already been there for over a day and not even the clouds seemed to have shifted. But my thoughts didn't remain there for long.

My dad was equally startled as I when none other than Uncle Roger appeared in the doorframe. "Heinz," he said.

"Roger!" Dad shouted. "I thought you were in Danville! What are you doing here?"

"Visiting my beloved parents before I return for the election," Uncle Roger answered in a voice that was a little too friendly. "I hear you're in a bit of a pickle."

"Yeah, you could say that," Dad grumbled. "What do you want, Roger?"

My uncle's smile faded into an expression of boredom. "I've been sent to tell you that there's someone at the door for you."

My mouth ran dry. What if they'd found us already? "Really?" I asked. "Who?"

"He didn't give his name," said Uncle Roger. "And he told me to tell you it's urgent."

"What did he look like?" Norm asked.

"See for yourself." My uncle stepped out of the way, revealing…

"Grandpa's dog?"

The dog yapped and stepped aside.

_"Ferb?"_

I couldn't believe it, but there he was with his huge shadow blocking the light of the hall out of the room. He wore a little half-smile—that one that always seemed to suggest he knew something that I didn't. My spirits soared—and then were brought to a record-scratching halt. "Ferb, what are you doing here?" I tried to sound mad. "I specifically said to go back to Danville with the others."

Ferb held up one hand. "I know, but just hear me out."

I crossed my arms and lifted one expectant eyebrow.

He began. "Vanessa, every second from the moment we met that you needed help, I've been there. Whenever you were in trouble or needed someone to just sit and listen to you talk, I've been right there waiting. It's become such a part of me now that I can't seem to function without you. And when you sent me away… I didn't understand it. But then a friend cleared things up for me: you were trying to return the favor, weren't you? Trying to protect me for all the times I've taken care of you?"

I said nothing. My arms were no longer crossed, but rather I was hugging myself as I took his place and did the listening while he spoke.

"If you really do sincerely want to repay me," said Ferb, "then, let me stay. Give me the chance to save you again. That's all I'm asking for. I haven't let you down before, so why start now? Just let me be there for you like I have from the start. Please."

After all crud I'd taken from my loser ex-boyfriend in the past, I actually almost started crying at how sweet that was. To disguise my reddening eyes, I nodded, dropped to my knees, and threw my arms around him.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

And _this_ time, I remembered to put my hands on her back. ***win***

**_~Doof's POV~_**

Wait a minute. _He_'_s_ the guy? The little, green-haired hoodlum who kidnapped my daughter? The _owner_ of my _nemesi_s? _That_ guy?

**_~Vanessa's POV~_**

I was so caught up, I barely noticed as Perry the Platypus entered and leaned up against the wall, smirking at us.

"Perry the Platypus?" my dad cried. "I _knew _you had something to do with this! Now look what I have to sort out! If I had known this… Ferb was the guy…! Don't you roll your eyes at me! I'll turn that tail of yours into a waffle! Come here, you miserable monotreme!"

He grabbed at Perry but only received a slap in the face from his beaver tail. As Dad recoiled, covering his nose, Agent P landed gracefully on his feet with satisfaction.

"Now," Ferb said backing away some. "We need a plan. I won't let you remain in this gloomy land for any longer than it takes to come up with a strategy."

"What do we do?" I asked. "The elections are in five days! If Rick Sandler gets chosen, he'll destroy the Tri-state Area!"

"Yeah, before I get to!" Dad put in.

Ferb rubbed his chin. "Then we've got to expose him before that time. Come on, let's set to work. We've got a deadline to meet."

**_~Perry's POV~_**

And we did set to work. We did come up with a plan. And it was brilliant. We'd fly to Paris where no one would expect to look for us, and Ferb would train Vanessa and Doof in a few self-defense techniques, during which time I would extract the information recorded on the girl's cell phone to a computer and download it to a disc. Then we'd fly back to Danville and show it to the police before the day of the elections. Now, it was possible that with such a vast organization, there would be some evil men inside the force who would work against us; not to mention they'd be expecting us to make a move like that, but that's what the training was for. And three or four days of training with Ferb would be very efficient. This was the only way.

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

And that's what we did, or at least, what we began to carry out. But my life is weird, and weird means unexpected complications are sure to arise.

**~~~Aww, beaut-i-ful Ferbnessa! The next chapter is one of my absolute favs, containing a hilarious Phinabella sequence that I literally got all giggly over as I wrote it. Stay tuned! Reviews are my sweeties and so are you!**


	14. A Little Imagination

**HEY, EVERYBODY! So sorry for my extended absence! Life really got in the way and I had to take a step back for a while, but NOW I'M BACK! Hope you haven't forgotten me! :)**

**The following chapter and the one after it are my ****_absolute favorite chapters_ of the entire book**** (along with Chapter Twelve: "You Jump, I Jump"). This is my favorite section, ****_loaded _****with my all-time favorite pairing, Phinabella! I found it a total blast to write, and my little brother and sister ****love**** it as well! **

**That being said, enjoy! I hope you find it as fun to read as it was to write!~~~**

**_~Doof's POV~_**

Once we got to France, Paris was an easy destination. We found ourselves a bed n' breakfast there and rented two rooms—one for me and my daughter and the other for those whom I could have stood without. The first thing Ferb suggested—since when did _he_ start calling all the shots, anyway?—was that we purchase new clothing. I guess he was right about that. I mean, we did wear the same exact outfits every day, but come on! Lab coats really flatter my handsome figure.

So, that's what we were starting to do when the expectedly unexpected occurred and Ferb's family appeared where we stood beneath the EiffelTower.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

"Don't tell me," said Ferb.

"Molecular transporter," I told him anyway. I came up to him and put my arm around him, smirking triumphantly. "You didn't really think I wouldn't get you back for earlier, did you?"

"You're irritating."

"You love me."

"Hey, Ferb," said Candace.

Oh, boy. Here we go.

She walked up and crouched down before him, taking a deep breath. "You'd better sure as heck know what you're doing."

Ferb looked surprised for a second, then smiled and flashed her a thumbs up.

"But you're still busted when we get home," she said, and she stood up straight and placed her hands on her hips. "You got that?"

Ferb nodded.

"Ferrrb!"

Isabella, Irving, Buford, and Baljeet ran to him and drew him into a group hug.

"We thought you were gone!" Isabella cried.

"Well," said Baljeet, "you _were_ gone, but we thought for good!"

Buford pulled away and attempted to act cool and indifferent once again. "Yeah, that was until Dinnerbell reconstructed the transporter from his favorite pen."

Ferb's mouth dropped open. "Your light bulb pen? Phineas, I—"

"Say no more," I said with a wave of my hand. "Inventions are meant to be used and reused. Besides, I couldn't miss out on a summer trip to…" I glanced around, for the first time taking in our surroundings. "Paris," I realized. "We're in Paris. _Why_ are we in Paris?"

Ferb sighed. "Well, it _was_ part of a very well thought-out plan of ours, but with you here, I'm gonna have to carry an extra two."

I cocked my head at him. "Geez, bro. You sure are chatty."

"Nah," said Ferb. "I'm just tired of listening and ready to be heard."

I blinked. "Cool. So, how do we figure into the plan?"

**_~Ferb's POV~_**

Beneath the Eiffel Tower is a pretty good place to chart, and we did manage to tweak our plot enough to fit them into the mix. We did, however, lose daylight before we knew it, and the only thing we had time to do that day was visit the nearest clothing store.

We each spread out into pairs of two to help each other find suitable clothes that would be good for travel as well as the training which I would be giving each of them. Buford and Baljeet looked together, as did Candace and Irving (well, just Candace, and he followed her); Doof and Norm, Phineas and Isabella, and of course Vanessa and I.

First we looked for T-shirts, but many of them had logos in French that Buford wasn't there to translate for us, and my own French was a tad rusty, so we tried dressier tops like blouses. She found one which she simply adored, but its cut didn't flatter her, and it had this big, bulky buckle around the waistline which was just, in a word, immoral, in a fashion sense.

When we thought she had just about exhausted everything black, I discovered on the clearance rack a shoulder-less, knee-length black dress with a short V-neck which was ruffled on the edges. Before she even tried it on, we both knew it was the one, and when she came out of the dressing room in it with matching black heals and a headband, she looked so elegant I thought I might faint (in a manly way). And though she was used to more boyish clothing, she had to admit it was lovely. As for me, I found a simple T-shirt with the British flag on it which I couldn't pass up, and she picked out some pants for me.

As we purchased our new clothes, I wondered how the others were faring.

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

Sometime after Isabella grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the girls' department, I think I began to lose my mind. She started trying things on and asking for my opinion of them, when I really didn't know how to answer any of her questions. See, when it comes to clothes, unless it's super obvious, I can never tell when something looks bad on someone: I just know it when something looks good. So for every bit of cloth she wanted my opinion on, I could simply shrug, nod, or tell her to keep looking. In plain words, I can simply say I might have chosen an extra week of school over clothes shopping. And then to make matters worse, she started getting frustrated when she couldn't find what she wanted.

Why do girls have to do that anyway? Everything was going almost fine until she started getting upset about it. I mean, they're just clothes.

"'Just clothes'?" she scoffed. "Fine, then. Why don't I just wear nothing?"

I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Well, aside from that being illegal in most places, don't you think that might draw Johnny's attention more than if you did wear the same outfit?"

Isabella groaned and ripped the next item from the pile she'd thrown into my hands before storming off into the dressing room. I sighed. After a while, they always start taking everything you say as an insult, and before you know it, you'll lose your temper and demand to know why they're so grumpy, and then they'll burst into tears when they realize they've hurt your feelings. And then it's _still _up to you to make them feel better.

At least, that's how it goes on TV.

When an "ahem" brought my attention, I looked up to see her in a familiar, green blouse with puffy sleeves and some white jeans. She'd pulled her hair back into a ponytail, which did look kinda nice.

"Hmm," I said surveying her up and down. "Well… it's… it's…"

"It's _what_?" she asked irritably.

"I think you already tried that shirt on."

Isabella puffed a strand of hair out of her face impatiently. "No, Phineas: it was a different color last time. You said you hated the orange one."

I really wanted to roll my eyes at that. "I did not say I _hated_ it: I just said you look better in green."

As she returned in a huff to her dressing room, I could hear her muttering something about me not communicating clearly. I harrumphed. Me not communicate clearly? What about her? She hadn't even told me what kind of outfit she was looking for! I really wished I could transport myself to the other end of the store with Buford and Baljeet. At least they didn't care what they wore as long as it covered them. And what terrified me even more was that we still hadn't looked for any clothes for me.

When would the torment end?

Dressed in her regular outfit again, Isabella strode calmly out of the dressing room, slapped the rejected clothes on the rack, and came up to me. "Okay. Now we can look for you."

I didn't move. "Uh… but we didn't find anything for you."

Isabella refused to meet my eyes. I could tell she was near tears. "I'm sick and tired of trying stuff on because this store doesn't have anything that works on me."

"Hey, now that's not—"

"Look, I'm done!" she exclaimed. "I would have been happy with the ugliest thing here if you had just not been so picky!"

"I'm not being picky," I defended myself. "I just think it's stupid to get so worked up over such simple choices. It's not like this is some big crisis, Isabella."

"Well, if you think it's so easy, then _you_ try them on."

Now I finally did roll my eyes. "You're not making this any more fun than it already is."

I looked back at her. Her eyes were pooling and her bottom lip trembled.

Oh, no. Here we go.

But right then and there I wanted to smack myself. Grow up, genius! She's exhausted, and practically starving, and you're not being understanding. So this isn't a big deal for a guy. Well, it obviously is for a girl! And like I said, when I see something that needs fixing, I won't rest until it's saved—especially if the mistake is mine.

With a short nod, I snatched the closest thing on the rack without giving it a second glance and disappeared into the dressing room. I almost felt sick when I saw the sign on the door that said in bold, capital letters, "**DRESSING ROOM UNDER OBSERVATION**," but I wasn't about to let a few cameras stop me from mending Isabella's feelings. Now, the tricky part was the fact that there was this really tight built-in bra which I nearly snapped trying to get over my head, but I guess I deserved a little extra inconvenience after how impatient I'd been. The zipper was my mortal enemy for about eight seconds before I cautiously stepped out.

**_~Isabella's POV~_**

I was disgusted with myself for how I was acting, but I couldn't get myself to stop. Phineas was such a _guy_, and I must have tried on everything in the store, but he hadn't once said he liked a single thing on me. I drew a tissue from my pocket and blew my nose frantically. I didn't know what he was doing in there, but I wouldn't let myself look like an idiot in front of him…

…like he apparently wouldn't mind for me.

"Oh… my… gosh." Other than that, I was speechless as he walked bashfully out of the dressing room wearing a long, sparkling, blue evening gown with halter neck and a skirt that could have soaked up the entire ocean. His flat chest looked dreadfully out of place, not to mention the fact that his bright-colored hair looked awful with the dim, crystal-lined material. I couldn't stand it any longer. I exploded into laughter and I couldn't stop. I had to grab onto a chair to keep myself from falling over, but in a few seconds, I did anyway. I was literally "rolling of the floor laughing" when he came up to me.

"You… look… so… awful!" I gasped, squinting up at him. Tears rolled down my cheeks, only they were of mirth and not frustration this time. And if that wasn't enough, when he saw that his plan had worked, he started doing model poses and horsing around with the mannequins. I couldn't resist pulling out my cell phone and taking snapshots when he wasn't looking. He did, however, catch the last one, and he chased me back into the dressing room and tackled me. We rolled around on each other all over the floor, _and_ I got tangled up in his dress. He finally got on top of me and pinned my arms to the floor, laughing maniacally.

"Ha, ha! I've got you now! What are you gonna do?"

It was all fun and games until we heard a shriek. Both our heads jerked up to see a heavy woman shielding her bust from us by holding a pair of shorts over it. Phineas' cheeks burned like fire when he apologized and rolled me out from under the stall we had apparently found our way into. Promptly after we got back to his stall, we collapsed onto the floor laughing until we couldn't take any more, and then when it all died down, we started up again. It must have been a full fifteen minutes before we recovered our senses.

"So, what do you think?" Phineas asked batting his eyelashes at me.

"Take it off, you dolt." I whacked his arm before leaving to let him change. When I got out, I started laughing all over again. It wasn't before he came out dressed as usual that I gained control over myself.

"Come on," he said offering me his arm. "Let's find you a pretty dress to match mine."

**_~Phineas' POV~_**

I am so awesome.

And we did find her a dress soon after that. I guess all it took was a little imagination.

**~~~HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, but I just about died re-reading this. Phineas is so gosh darn adorable when he puts that incredible brain of his to good (Phinabella) use. :D And I could totally relate to both sides: even though I'm a girl, I clothes shopping can sometimes be a huge bore, and it's worse when no one will tell you whether or not the outfit compliments you or not. Thought it was the perfect opportunity for my favorite PnF couple to share a sweet moment.**

**Reviews are my sweeties and so are you! :D**


End file.
